TheEldritchGod
A Cloud Of Pure Spite And Eyes
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2021
- Messages
- 3,445
- Points
- 183
So, for the past year and a half, life has been a non-stop cavalcade of crap. I don't want to get into the particulars, but in order to get through all this nonsense, I've had to buckle down and put my nose to the grindstone. (ie working approximately 80-70 hours a week). Honestly, I haven't really had time to even stop and breathe. I've basically put my life on hold for the past 20 months because my family comes first. That all said, I just got done doing my taxes and figured out what my return was. Did you know that Trump passed a bill that removed the federal tax off of overtime? Yeah. My employer didn't get the memo and had been taking money out like normal.
It wasn't until today that I noticed that... somehow... I paid everything off.
No. Not like that. Not everything that was a problem. I mean... EVERYTHING.
Every credit card, my car loan, the remaining 48K on my mortgage, the medical bills, the school taxes, the property taxes. EVERYTHING is paid off. In fact, when I total up the CDs that I bought ten years ago finally maturing, the 10k tax return, an annuity that apparently my mom set up decades ago that just matured and since my sister is dead, I get it. Even excluding the money I budget aside to make sure I have things ready to pay off in advance, or for disasters, or to make sure when future expenses come they are covered. (For example, I paid off my car, but I keep putting the same amount aside so I have money saved up for when I have to buy a new one.) I'm about 25K in the black. That's 25k I honestly don't have something to spend on. Because for once in my life
I am absolutely debt free.
When I checked out the pay off on my house, I discovered that, somehow, the house that I bought for 97k seven years ago, is now 220k. Like, I have no idea how THAT happened, but apparently a ranch isn't common in this area so the comps are extremely high. Oddly enough, that 220k is down from 245k a six months ago, but it's finally starting to rebound. It certainly explains why my escrow has been through the roof the past few years.
I've been in survival mode for so long, I didn't even notice I SPRINTED past everything I was working my ass off to fix. I did the math four times and I can't believe it. Two years ago I would have told you I'd be working my ass off for the next five to ten years, but somehow, I don't really know how, but... I'm financially solvent to a degree I haven't known in a decade.
I honestly don't know what to do.
I feel like I've been holding my breath for the past two years and finally I can take a breath, but it's so alien a concept, I don't know how to react. I'm relieved? I guess? I don't know. I should celebrate, right? I guess I'm more stunned than anything. I know this is a good thing, but I'm not used to good things happening. I greatest hope has been that nothing new happens, because new things are almost always bad. I suppose I should buy something nice for myself, but the very idea of spending money on anything but the bare necessities twists my stomach into knots. I know I need to back off and rest up, maybe reduce my hours to like 50 a week or something.
Is it strange that the very idea of everything working out terrifies me? I mean it. I'm amazed and proud of myself for finally fixing everything, yet filled with dread at the thought there isn't anything to fix. Yeah. I guess that's it. Isn't that odd? Posting about a problem, where the problem is, I don't have a problem? Like the title says, I'm just trying to come to terms with this and I couldn't think of anywhere else to talk about this. Not really looking for a response, as for once, there isn't anything to fix. I feel silly even bringing this up, but I'm not used to this feelings crap. I'm a man. The only feeling I'm allowed to have is Hungry and I just made a big bowl of stir fried steak strips and I'm thinking of baking a cake.
Maybe I should save making the cake until after I actually pay off the mortgage. I haven't actually paid it off yet, I just have the money to do it.
...
So...
...
How's things going with you?
It wasn't until today that I noticed that... somehow... I paid everything off.
No. Not like that. Not everything that was a problem. I mean... EVERYTHING.
Every credit card, my car loan, the remaining 48K on my mortgage, the medical bills, the school taxes, the property taxes. EVERYTHING is paid off. In fact, when I total up the CDs that I bought ten years ago finally maturing, the 10k tax return, an annuity that apparently my mom set up decades ago that just matured and since my sister is dead, I get it. Even excluding the money I budget aside to make sure I have things ready to pay off in advance, or for disasters, or to make sure when future expenses come they are covered. (For example, I paid off my car, but I keep putting the same amount aside so I have money saved up for when I have to buy a new one.) I'm about 25K in the black. That's 25k I honestly don't have something to spend on. Because for once in my life
I am absolutely debt free.
When I checked out the pay off on my house, I discovered that, somehow, the house that I bought for 97k seven years ago, is now 220k. Like, I have no idea how THAT happened, but apparently a ranch isn't common in this area so the comps are extremely high. Oddly enough, that 220k is down from 245k a six months ago, but it's finally starting to rebound. It certainly explains why my escrow has been through the roof the past few years.
I've been in survival mode for so long, I didn't even notice I SPRINTED past everything I was working my ass off to fix. I did the math four times and I can't believe it. Two years ago I would have told you I'd be working my ass off for the next five to ten years, but somehow, I don't really know how, but... I'm financially solvent to a degree I haven't known in a decade.
I honestly don't know what to do.
I feel like I've been holding my breath for the past two years and finally I can take a breath, but it's so alien a concept, I don't know how to react. I'm relieved? I guess? I don't know. I should celebrate, right? I guess I'm more stunned than anything. I know this is a good thing, but I'm not used to good things happening. I greatest hope has been that nothing new happens, because new things are almost always bad. I suppose I should buy something nice for myself, but the very idea of spending money on anything but the bare necessities twists my stomach into knots. I know I need to back off and rest up, maybe reduce my hours to like 50 a week or something.
Is it strange that the very idea of everything working out terrifies me? I mean it. I'm amazed and proud of myself for finally fixing everything, yet filled with dread at the thought there isn't anything to fix. Yeah. I guess that's it. Isn't that odd? Posting about a problem, where the problem is, I don't have a problem? Like the title says, I'm just trying to come to terms with this and I couldn't think of anywhere else to talk about this. Not really looking for a response, as for once, there isn't anything to fix. I feel silly even bringing this up, but I'm not used to this feelings crap. I'm a man. The only feeling I'm allowed to have is Hungry and I just made a big bowl of stir fried steak strips and I'm thinking of baking a cake.
Maybe I should save making the cake until after I actually pay off the mortgage. I haven't actually paid it off yet, I just have the money to do it.
...
So...
...
How's things going with you?