This Neophyte Author Comes Seeking Feedback In Realm of Professionals

[RavineAbyss]

I am actually new to writing, but try my best when writing a chapter. But getting little to no feedback on my novels always worries me about the first impression made by my novels. So I come here carving for some feedback!! ???

Sirius: Evolution of A Star

There was a Star in this infinite universe. Yes, Many Stars make up this universe, but this star was special. And why was it special? It was conscious.The star possessed virtues of a living being. But the star was careless. He unintentionally destroyed planets and other world. So, god...

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Demonic Requiem【The Epitome of Evil】

He feared none but himself. As a human, Elias walked a cruel path. His path only got crueller as he became a demon. Born as the son of the most powerful man in the continent, but lived a life no worse than a slave. His only friend being solitude. The...

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[Ai-chan]

Ai-chan only read Sirius's first chapter so far. Ai-chan likes it, it reminds Ai-chan of the first time Ai-chan read Mushoku Tensei. It has the same style. That being said, you do need to make some editing, mostly in punctuation and typos. There were many times when Ai-chan got confused as two separate sentences were put together as one. Commas, full stops and reducing some of the more wordy sentences would make the chapter a lot easier to read. For the record, wordy sentences are not bad, it's only bad if it detracts from the ease of reading it.

There were also some sentences, such as this one "Then how about an angel? When I was travelling. I once saw 3 creatures with gorgeous wings drifting though space." that has a full stop for no reason.

Ai-chan would like to point out to “That Star looks hot”. Ai-chan doesn't think the star here needs to start with a capital letter. Sirius does not consider it as a sentient being and addresses it as nothing more than 'that dude that just happens to walk past'.

Hopefully you will consider this as constructive criticism and not get triggered. All the best.

 

[RavineAbyss]

Ai-chan only read Sirius's first chapter so far. Ai-chan likes it, it reminds Ai-chan of the first time Ai-chan read Mushoku Tensei. It has the same style. That being said, you do need to make some editing, mostly in punctuation and typos. There were many times when Ai-chan got confused as two separate sentences were put together as one. Commas, full stops and reducing some of the more wordy sentences would make the chapter a lot easier to read. For the record, wordy sentences are not bad, it's only bad if it detracts from the ease of reading it.

There were also some sentences, such as this one "Then how about an angel? When I was travelling. I once saw 3 creatures with gorgeous wings drifting though space." that has a full stop for no reason.

Ai-chan would like to point out to “That Star looks hot”. Ai-chan doesn't think the star here needs to start with a capital letter. Sirius does not consider it as a sentient being and addresses it as nothing more than 'that dude that just happens to walk past'.

Hopefully you will consider this as constructive criticism and not get triggered. All the best.

Thank you so much for the feedback! I was really hoping for some constructive criticism. I will take your advice and try to fix my grammar errors