Let me tell you something. Worshipping Rangoon, the mystic flying crab of rainbows, out in the boonies is not for everyone. You get shunned by the neighbors for not going to their heathen churches, finding actual damned and acquiring their souls takes forever, and the tears of the fallen get in conflict with all the wyrd from the wilderness around and waste away especially fast.
And don't get me started on finding a virgin's blood in a place where the internet is almost a foreign concept! I swear all the kids here are more sexually active than rabbits on testosterone! My Grehyakhtion brothers from the cities have it much easier, I tell you, there's a shy nerd every corner of the street there, and enough online distractions to help them keep their pants on.
Down here, not only are the nerds practically non existent, those that exist are as sexually active as the other kids, which is to say quite a lot. No, that out in rurality, you've got to aim for the truly religious, and it's a work of patience to divert them enough from their church to be able to take some blood.
Three bloody (pun intended) months it took me to convince my piano student to rebel just enough for me to draw an ounce of blood! That's not even 3cl. And I had to persuade him it was for medical reasons. I bullshitted about a niece needing a kidney, and wanting to test him because she was a redhead just like him and he finally took the bait.
Took him long enough. I almost missed the solstice and full moon conjunction, but now I have it. I have everything I need for the ritual. Thank Rangoon!
Now let me tell you something else. Yeah, Rangoon worshipping is easier in the cities, you basically stumble upon damned, fallen and teenage virgins every damn time you go out for a walk. But it's fucking pointless. You don't have the space to draw a proper summoning circle, your line of sight is blocked by all the buildings and the light pollution makes it nigh impossible to properly conduct the ritual.
And those who say it's better in the suburbs don't fucking get it either! Sure, you can draw a bigger circle in your backyard than on the roof of your condo, but you've got to deal with nosy neighbors and the circle is still going to be on the smaller side. And you can't properly orient it to the stars either! As for the actual ceremony, good luck on not getting arrested or swarmed with busybodies while you chant and dance! Nah, I've tried suburban worshipping for a while, it's too much of a hassle.
Out here, my closest neighbor is miles away, I can draw fucking crop circles and orient them the way I need, and I can spend the whole night chanting at full voice without bothering anyone, and more importantly, without anyone bothering me. That's how you do a proper ritual, not an half-assed ceremony! Those are for city folks and fools.
With all of my ingredients ready and the circle drawn, I'm about to start the ritual. When the night is over, the Gate will open. Those in the city only get small portals they use to send presents to Rangoon. Here, I'm about to open a man-sized hole in the fabric of reality and cross over to join my god. That'll show them all how things are done!
Hail Rangoon, and may their pincer break the skies and let the rainbows shine!
