The Succubus and The Maverick [LitRPG]

Cookiez_N_Potionz

Rank: Moon Leo
Joined
Sep 27, 2024
Messages
408
Points
78
Hey, I'm Dawn Moon and I'm in my late 20's.
I like to writing about paranormal, mystery, action, adventure, alt history, fantasy, sci-fi, and Lgbtqia topics.

Currently, my story has 16 chapters out and I would love some feedback

 

DismaiNaim

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2024
Messages
174
Points
83
I got about halfway through the prologue and lost interest.

Here's a few points:
- you start of with LOTS of info-dumping. Lots. It takes up all of your first few paragraphs. The problem is your audience doesn't have any context for all this information, so we're just going to forget it.

- there's no conflict. Ok so he's fighting someone named Phoebe, but why should your audience care?
 

Cookiez_N_Potionz

Rank: Moon Leo
Joined
Sep 27, 2024
Messages
408
Points
78
I fixed my Synopsis and I got rid of my prologue. Let me know what you think?

Also, can I get some feedback on my last two chapters?
 
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