The Host - Looking for Feedback
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CharlesEBrown
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While I am a fan of short synopses this is downright minimalist... Says nothing about the story (and the fact that it uses the same title as both Stephanie Myers' second series, the one that she wrote after she actually figured out how to write in the fourth Twilight book, as well as an unrelated K-Drama horror series on Netflix, might be strikes against it, especially without a real synopsis)
The Host
After the brutal murder of his parents, Adrian awakens to a terrifying truth he’s not fully human. Hunted by mysterious agents and haunted by a strange power surging inside him, Adrian discovers he’s a hybrid born of something supernatural.www.scribblehub.com
unlaumy
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(+1 on the vague synopsis. Though I'm also guilty of it.)
The story has a total of 8 chapters, but I didn't expect them to be so short each. There's really not much to say for your current 5k words story tbh. I'll still tell you what I think after reading it though.
Let's see... because it's somewhat short, see it more as an analysis rather than pure criticism.
There's a clear arc section for chapter 1-5. You start vague (an attempt to show don't tell most probably), so we have no clear understandings of the mc, his family, or the sudden antagonists in personality or whatsoever. On its own, it's okay, even acceptable for me, because it's the premise—but it's becoming questionable after this section. You give a concrete premise so that's +1 point for you. You don't dwell on exposition for mc's new found power, going straight to another conflict, which is a refreshing pacing (on SH) so that's another +1 point for you.
After reading chapter 6-8, i think your short chapter format is backfiring you. The MC gets to talk for a while as a change of pace for him on the run, cool, but after that, we are thrown into another no-context conflict just like before. And worse, every chapter is just a 1 quick scene of nothing burger that doesn't explain anything at all. I would like to excuse you though, you may be trying to do "the world now no longer makes sense" for the MC, which is acceptable—if it was just 2 to 4 chapters (each +2k words) instead of 8 chapters. I'm sure it'll end with another information reveal at the end, but with this kind of pace, you may really get a hate comment under one month from a frustated reader.
I don't know whether you only have one trick for conflicts? Will you overuse the "mc not understanding what's happening for the nth time" in later chapters or not? Can't say for sure.
As for the chapter length, i really don't want to say it's a criticism, because i don't really see it as a big deal on its own, but you just have to make a "show don't tell" story on crack, which ends up with a weird combination. What I can say for sure is, unless you publish like 7 chapters per week or start doing longer chapters, then readers will skip your story out, thinking you're just doing cheap cliffhangers.
TLDR: need more chapters for a better feedback or your story's well-being.
The story has a total of 8 chapters, but I didn't expect them to be so short each. There's really not much to say for your current 5k words story tbh. I'll still tell you what I think after reading it though.
Let's see... because it's somewhat short, see it more as an analysis rather than pure criticism.
There's a clear arc section for chapter 1-5. You start vague (an attempt to show don't tell most probably), so we have no clear understandings of the mc, his family, or the sudden antagonists in personality or whatsoever. On its own, it's okay, even acceptable for me, because it's the premise—but it's becoming questionable after this section. You give a concrete premise so that's +1 point for you. You don't dwell on exposition for mc's new found power, going straight to another conflict, which is a refreshing pacing (on SH) so that's another +1 point for you.
After reading chapter 6-8, i think your short chapter format is backfiring you. The MC gets to talk for a while as a change of pace for him on the run, cool, but after that, we are thrown into another no-context conflict just like before. And worse, every chapter is just a 1 quick scene of nothing burger that doesn't explain anything at all. I would like to excuse you though, you may be trying to do "the world now no longer makes sense" for the MC, which is acceptable—if it was just 2 to 4 chapters (each +2k words) instead of 8 chapters. I'm sure it'll end with another information reveal at the end, but with this kind of pace, you may really get a hate comment under one month from a frustated reader.
I don't know whether you only have one trick for conflicts? Will you overuse the "mc not understanding what's happening for the nth time" in later chapters or not? Can't say for sure.
As for the chapter length, i really don't want to say it's a criticism, because i don't really see it as a big deal on its own, but you just have to make a "show don't tell" story on crack, which ends up with a weird combination. What I can say for sure is, unless you publish like 7 chapters per week or start doing longer chapters, then readers will skip your story out, thinking you're just doing cheap cliffhangers.
TLDR: need more chapters for a better feedback or your story's well-being.
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