Synopsis Feedback

[TheEldritchGod]

I suck at writing synopsis. I just rewrote one for I Was Summoned. How's this one grab ya?

Spoiler: 'I Was Summoned' Synopsis

Meet Jack.

Jack is a normal slob trying to get ahead in normal world when some cultists from reversed gender morality superhero world (hereby referred to as reverse world) try to summon the anti-christ and accidentally snag Jack, who just happens to have the same name as the son of the devil. Jack, in typical bastard fashion, decides upon a plan to take advantage of being in a world of horny women without trashing his reputation. But how to sleep around with sexy superheroines without being labeled a slut? How to have his cake, and eat it too?

He learns how to shape shift into an angel.

From there follow the adventures of the bitter and cynical Jack as he wanders through a world that is not as idyllic as it first appears. Schemes centuries in the making spanning multiple timelines lie in wait for Jack to get caught up in as a cosmic conspiracy of demons tries to find a way to fight its way through Reverse World in hopes of reaching its REAL objective:

Normal World.

WARNING: There is smut, but the smut takes a backseat to the story. This isn't porn with plot, but plot with porn. Also, while Jack is the MC, the story does shift focus to other side characters. The focus shifts mostly to keep you guessing, but in a good way. Also, shared universe. This story is continuing the Meta-plots of my other stories in the EldritchVerse. You don't have to read the other two, but if you are looking for clues...

 

[Deleted member 93348]

Ngl, you already lost me with the premise. It seems to be a copy of that one generic harem show about a man being transported into a world populated by women only.

 

[proxybaba]

you lost me bro, and the plot is not intriguing to me, just my opinion

 

[NotaNuffian]

Dude, I read your book, it is still in my reading list.

The synopsis is shit. Really shit. The only good things are the fact that the MC name is clear, JACK, the world he is in is confirmed, ie a reverse moral world where women are the ones wearing pants and your insistence that the work is plot with porn.

Why is the angel thing there?

I suck at writing synopsis. I just rewrote one for I Was Summoned. How's this one grab ya?

Spoiler: 'I Was Summoned' Synopsis

Meet Jack.

Jack is a normal slob trying to get ahead in normal world when some cultists from reversed gender morality superhero world (hereby referred to as reverse world) try to summon the anti-christ and accidentally snag Jack, who just happens to have the same name as the son of the devil. Jack, in typical bastard fashion, decides upon a plan to take advantage of being in a world of horny women without trashing his reputation. But how to sleep around with sexy superheroines without being labeled a slut? How to have his cake, and eat it too?

He learns how to shape shift into an angel.

From there follow the adventures of the bitter and cynical Jack as he wanders through a world that is not as idyllic as it first appears. Schemes centuries in the making spanning multiple timelines lie in wait for Jack to get caught up in as a cosmic conspiracy of demons tries to find a way to fight its way through Reverse World in hopes of reaching its REAL objective:

Normal World.

WARNING: There is smut, but the smut takes a backseat to the story. This isn't porn with plot, but plot with porn. Also, while Jack is the MC, the story does shift focus to other side characters. The focus shifts mostly to keep you guessing, but in a good way. Also, shared universe. This story is continuing the Meta-plots of my other stories in the EldritchVerse. You don't have to read the other two, but if you are looking for clues...

 

[TheEldritchGod]

Why is the angel thing there?

Well, I had someone drop the story because they didn't know about that part, and it happens by chapter 2, so it didn't seem like much if a spoiler. I don't like misleading people and his quote was, if he knew from the beginning, he'd never have started it.
Herm... back to the drawing board. At least it's a step up from, I needed to clear my pallet.

 

[NotaNuffian]

Well, I had someone drop the story because they didn't know about that part, and it happens by chapter 2, so it didn't seem like much if a spoiler. I don't like misleading people and his quote was, if he knew from the beginning, he'd never have started it.
Herm... back to the drawing board. At least it's a step up from, I needed to clear my pallet.

So is he either put off by the angel or by the sexually aggressive part?

I mean, maybe he is into sub male MC and did not expect you trying to shove in dom male MC?

 

[TheEldritchGod]

So is he either put off by the angel or by the sexually aggressive part?

I mean, maybe he is into sub male MC and did not expect you trying to shove in dom male MC?

Well, I'm not sure. I think it was that he was changing from one form to the other that was the problem. He didn't like the whole dual nature of the protagonist. I think. Figured it'd be best to include it.

 

[J_Chemist]

I suck at writing synopsis. I just rewrote one for I Was Summoned. How's this one grab ya?

Spoiler: 'I Was Summoned' Synopsis

Meet Jack.

Jack is a normal slob trying to get ahead in normal world when some cultists from reversed gender morality superhero world (hereby referred to as reverse world) try to summon the anti-christ and accidentally snag Jack, who just happens to have the same name as the son of the devil. Jack, in typical bastard fashion, decides upon a plan to take advantage of being in a world of horny women without trashing his reputation. But how to sleep around with sexy superheroines without being labeled a slut? How to have his cake, and eat it too?

He learns how to shape shift into an angel.

From there follow the adventures of the bitter and cynical Jack as he wanders through a world that is not as idyllic as it first appears. Schemes centuries in the making spanning multiple timelines lie in wait for Jack to get caught up in as a cosmic conspiracy of demons tries to find a way to fight its way through Reverse World in hopes of reaching its REAL objective:

Normal World.

WARNING: There is smut, but the smut takes a backseat to the story. This isn't porn with plot, but plot with porn. Also, while Jack is the MC, the story does shift focus to other side characters. The focus shifts mostly to keep you guessing, but in a good way. Also, shared universe. This story is continuing the Meta-plots of my other stories in the EldritchVerse. You don't have to read the other two, but if you are looking for clues...

Picked the bottom option for the meme. I would rather use my own hands to take your life.

I haven't read your story so I'll try to help you with just the synopsis to share what I think as I go. Unfortunately, I'm majorly confused.

from reversed gender morality superhero world (hereby referred to as reverse world)

What. I don't know why but when I read this the first time, you lost me. What does this mean? Gender Roles are flipped? This is not a synopsis but it's a me problem, which tells me also that someone else with brain rot will also lose this. I also wouldn't refer to the world as "Reverse World". At this point, just give it a name. I would also, rather than use this sentence, instead describe your world and the rules within it. People having superpowers is a regular occurrence. Men and women roles are opposites. I understand this is what you're trying to convey by cutting things short, but this is a great creative opportunity for you to show, not tell.

who just happens to have the same name as the son of the devil.

I think this is pretty dumb, to be honest. The son of a devil is named Jack? That's pretty boring. Plus, there's probably thousands of dudes named Jack alive at that exact moment. How does just a name make them bound? There's really nothing else? A name isn't genetic. It's something we use as a convenient label to identify each other. The guy could be named Joe and he'd be the same guy. Maybe there's another association that you can come up with?

Jack, in typical bastard fashion,

He's just a slob, I thought? I wouldn't think a normal slob would go straight to horny bastard. Though, if he is among the minority and gets to sleep with a lot of women, that minority better be pretty small. If it's just cause he's some demon guy's son, ouef.

He learns how to shape shift into an angel.

What. Where'd that come from?

And from there, it just spirals out of control. You've got a multiverse, a bunch of factions most likely, plot with porn elements but by the synopsis I'm already expecting more porn than plot, some conspiracies, and a cult.

That's a lot to unpack. Granted, it gives me an idea that the story is going to be very broad with a lot of topics, interactions, characters, and various moving parts, but you're definitely setting the reader up for a long and in depth read. If I'm looking for something relaxing or something I can just mind numbingly click through, this isn't the story I'd click on. Based on what you've told me, I'm expecting to strap in for Jack here to be put through the wringer. I'm also uncertain of where he's going to fall into it all. As the isekai'd pornybastard, I'm concerned that he's just going to be a side character for all of this stuff. If there's already beings in play, it's a little worrying that I might just be getting the perspective of an MC acting like a SC.

It's not a 0/5 synopsis. It's definitely at least giving me an idea of what to expect and what your plans are. So if that was your angle, it works. You've shared the key points going in and if I'm into that shit, I'm definitely clicking. The wording in the beginning, though, definitely makes me think this is a big smutfest with some drama or other criminal elements that'll happen. Not the other way around.

Hope this helps!

 

[Jaysanerd]

too long, nobody reads an entire synopsis of a novel they don't know.
There's a big chance people will only read your first sentence so make sure that's interesting.
Here's mine for example:
Why settle for a Lie Detection blessing when the Control Quest System will help you take over the world?

 

[TheEldritchGod]

too long, nobody reads an entire synopsis of a novel they don't know.
There's a big chance people will only read your first sentence so make sure that's interesting.
Here's mine for example:
Why settle for a Lie Detection blessing when the Control Quest System will help you take over the world?

Well, it's an honest synopsis. Not an advertisement. I'm not trying to sell it, but explain it. I've read a few stories lately where the synopsis and tags lied to me. Before I bitch about someone else, I want to have my house in order.

My "selling" the book is in the first chapter. This is a thought experiment where I find things in the real world and put them in this world so people go, oh wait a minute, now that the genders are reversed, that seems silly.

For example, the four timelines from the multiple demonic incursions also serve as an allegory about the problems with a world economy based on extremes.

You have a multiarchy government with hybridized capitalism-socialism and the stagnation that goes with it, the national socialist economy that only works because 95% of the population are slaves, the borderline ancap wet dream with the complete lack of any sort of social net and people running around with nuclear anthrax missiles as personal sidearms, and the globalist socialist economy where everyone is drowning equally. All on display with all the flaws and benefits for the reader to make their own choice.

I think people wanna know if that sort of thing is in their superhero porn.

However, you gave a point. Boiling it down to one paragraph would be best.

 

[Jaysanerd]

Well, it's an honest synopsis. Not an advertisement. I'm not trying to sell it, but explain it. I've read a few stories lately where the synopsis and tags lied to me. Before I bitch about someone else, I want to have my house in order.

My "selling" the book is in the first chapter. This is a thought experiment where I find things in the real world and put them in this world so people go, oh wait a minute, now that the genders are reversed, that seems silly.

For example, the four timelines from the multiple demonic incursions also serve as an allegory about the problems with a world economy based on extremes.

You have a multiarchy government with hybridized capitalism-socialism and the stagnation that goes with it, the national socialist economy that only works because 95% of the population are slaves, the borderline ancap wet dream with the complete lack of any sort of social net and people running around with nuclear anthrax missiles as personal sidearms, and the globalist socialist economy where everyone is drowning equally. All on display with all the flaws and benefits for the reader to make their own choice.

I think people wanna know if that sort of thing is in their superhero porn.

However, you gave a point. Boiling it down to one paragraph would be best.

on a competitive site like SH you have to go for short, catchy synopsis' because readers will just go to the next fiction if you don't get their attention in the first paragraph. First sentence in my case.
That doesn't mean i don't like your synopsis, i just think it's more of a summary.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

on a competitive site like SH you have to go for short, catchy synopsis' because readers will just go to the next fiction if you don't get their attention in the first paragraph. First sentence in my case.
That doesn't mean i don't like your synopsis, i just think it's more of a summary.

Well, not just that, but you only get the first paragraph when the synopsis is posted with a link, so one paragraph would be better.

 

[Jaysanerd]

Well, not just that, but you only get the first paragraph when the synopsis is posted with a link, so one paragraph would be better.

That's also very true!

 

[melchi]

I suck at writing synopsis. I just rewrote one for I Was Summoned. How's this one grab ya?

Spoiler: 'I Was Summoned' Synopsis

Meet Jack.

Jack is a normal slob trying to get ahead in normal world when some cultists from reversed gender morality superhero world (hereby referred to as reverse world) try to summon the anti-christ and accidentally snag Jack, who just happens to have the same name as the son of the devil. Jack, in typical bastard fashion, decides upon a plan to take advantage of being in a world of horny women without trashing his reputation. But how to sleep around with sexy superheroines without being labeled a slut? How to have his cake, and eat it too?

He learns how to shape shift into an angel.

From there follow the adventures of the bitter and cynical Jack as he wanders through a world that is not as idyllic as it first appears. Schemes centuries in the making spanning multiple timelines lie in wait for Jack to get caught up in as a cosmic conspiracy of demons tries to find a way to fight its way through Reverse World in hopes of reaching its REAL objective:

Normal World.

WARNING: There is smut, but the smut takes a backseat to the story. This isn't porn with plot, but plot with porn. Also, while Jack is the MC, the story does shift focus to other side characters. The focus shifts mostly to keep you guessing, but in a good way. Also, shared universe. This story is continuing the Meta-plots of my other stories in the EldritchVerse. You don't have to read the other two, but if you are looking for clues...

Lots of run on sentences. Really easy to TLDR

Also, is Jack a normal slob, or is he a bitter and cynical one?