Story feedback

[Slay]

I KNOW I sound like the 50,000 other people on this site posting threads asking for reviews of their books. So... just ignore this if you find this thing annoying. I don't blame you, I understand how you feel. However, I'm posting this thread since I'm really hoping for a constructive review on my book. I've had friends read it, and they've said it's pretty good, but they're too nice to tell me what's wrong with it, so I'd like a review from somebody who can tell me how to make my story better. My story is a YA summer enemies-to-lovers romcom with the common fake dating trope, but I'm doing my best to make it enjoyable and put a fresh spin on it with a little mystery. It's called We Have To Stop Meeting Like this; the link is https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1103253/we-have-to-stop-meeting-like-this/. Anyway, I'd really appreciate some feedback since my friends are just too nice.

 

[PBJ_Time]

Honestly, it's one of the more "unique" novels I've read on this site so far. "Unique" because it's not about fighting orcs and goblins and defeating Arblargaroth the Terrible, nor is it about a young upstart high schooler cultivating/gaining experience to kill the God of Gods in a flurry of universe-destroying punches. Not that I see anything wrong with those kinds of stories, but you get the idea. It doesn't read like a typical AO3 fanfic, either, because there's almost zero angst between Ally and her friends. Because of that, it reads more like a standard Amazon YA story, which is no doubt interesting.

I gotta say, though, the quips aren't really what people might expect from a story like this, even if written in first-person. And adding lyrics from a copyright song will just grant you a knock on your doorstep, so I hope you'll rectify this if you ever decide to publish it. That aside, I do love the way Ally interacts with the world around her, having that introspective feel with everyone she meets. It helps to write in first-person for this type of characterization. I'm not saying any other YA novel hasn't done this already, but I'm glad you have a clear vision for your protagonist. Keep up the good work and have a nice day. ?

 

[Slay]

Honestly, it's one of the more "unique" novels I've read on this site so far. "Unique" because it's not about fighting orcs and goblins and defeating Arblargaroth the Terrible, nor is it about a young upstart high schooler cultivating/gaining experience to kill the God of Gods in a flurry of universe-destroying punches. Not that I see anything wrong with those kinds of stories, but you get the idea. It doesn't read like a typical AO3 fanfic, either, because there's almost zero angst between Ally and her friends. Because of that, it reads more like a standard Amazon YA story, which is no doubt interesting.

I gotta say, though, the quips aren't really what people might expect from a story like this, even if written in first-person. And adding lyrics from a copyright song will just grant you a knock on your doorstep, so I hope you'll rectify this if you ever decide to publish it. That aside, I do love the way Ally interacts with the world around her, having that introspective feel with everyone she meets. It helps to write in first-person for this type of characterization. I'm not saying any other YA novel hasn't done this already, but I'm glad you have a clear version for your protagonist. Keep up the good work and have a nice day. ?

Oh my god, real feedback! (Like I've said, my friends are wayyyy too nice.) Thank you SO much for your time. I really appreciate it. =) I'm just a teenager and I'm CONSTANTLY trying to get better; I can't even tell how much it means to have real, constructive criticism on my work.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

I just never have the time to review stuff or would do more myself.