I've read up to 6 chapters... my overall impression is that your fiction is quite good at depicting what's happening, "oh... this is an isekai story with mystery elements?!"
But, you haven't reached the level of impressing me as a casual reader to say, "Wow... I was shocked when the MC suddenly entered an isekai." Why?
This is a classic problem... your fiction is dominated by telling rather than showing.
Telling is not wrong but emotionally distant. Telling makes you place the reader as a neutral observer.
The reader is only told... instead of experiencing the world through the protagonist.
The principle of "Show it, don't tell it" is simple but complicated to apply.
However, once you master it... your fiction will feel immersive.
No longer just talking, "what happened to the character" but "what does the reader feel through the character?"
The solution?
First, you can use a limited third POV - only narrating what the protagonist experiences sensorially.
Second, reduce direct emotions (such as words of sad, happy, etc).
Third, increase sensory narratives such as visuals (e.g. sky blue eyes), sounds (e.g. onomatopoeia of the river sound "ssrrrttt..."), tastes (e.g. salty sweat), touch (e.g. gravelly ground), physiological (e.g. nauseous stomach) and mental states (e.g. inner voice and anxiety).
That way, your narrative will be more powerful and immersive.
Hopefully this brief feedback helps you (or maybe not).
Regards.
Critical Note:
As a causal reader, I only read once per chapter and do not repeat.
You managed to make me read up to 6 chapters without a break before I stopped for external reasons.
Your pacing is good. It just lacks reader's experience.
This does not mean that telling is not allowed... telling is needed to speed up pacing such as time skips, avoiding descriptive repetition, and highlighting emotions after showing. Please read the following
this thread.
You might be worried that if you use too much showing then the pacing will slow down. The solution?
You can use cinematic action narrative. Start with action followed by description/effect.
For example, you can introduce the protagonist by waking up while showing physical descriptions such as messy black hair, sunken eyes, etc. This way, pacing will be smooth.
Lastly, your fiction's engagement is low... this may be a problem with the packaging (cover,
title,
synopsis, tags, and chapter numbering), release schedule, and promotion.
Feedback on engagement could be a separate thread, or you could explore engagement tips for new fiction.
I've covered this many times... and tried to give you some tips. But I had a hard time finding my answers among the thousands of threads.
If you're willing to bother, please explore those threads, especially the general authors section.
