Started my first book and wanting some feedback

[OrangeCube]

Hello all. I am currently writing a story called The Lifebringer. I know it's a pretty short story right now, but it's basically a fantasy novel.

Here is the blurb:
There was a tale... of a group of people on a faraway island. Nobody knew who they were; all they knew was that they made life and were the reason why they existed. Nobody really cared either, for they never came into contact with those people, and there were no conflicts. The people of Town Harvey were all very satisfied.
Until recently... when an unexpected war happens between the Lifebringers and the people of Town Harvey. The conflict spreads, and soon enough, everyone is involved whether or not they want to be.
This story follows the journey of two people - one a Lifebringer and the other an ordinary person living in Town Harvey as they deal with both sides of the war. Eventually, they meet, and a split-second decision must be made, a decision that may turn the tide of the war.

Here is the link -> https://www.scribblehub.com/series/697730/the-lifebringer/

Thanks to anyone who checked it out and I appreciate any support <3

 

[Natttsuuukii]

It's interesting hoping that I can get your opinion about mine I appreciate it.

Soul Contractor

On an artificial island, there's a mysterious case of the disappearance of people and the police didn't know what the cause of it is until they find a mysterious item that appeared in all of the belongings of the people that disappeared A card that has the name of Yamiyo,...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[RaidenReader]

Hello! I'm not an author, but since I wasn't doing anything particularly important, I decided to give this a shot. Don't expect me to get technical though. I'm going by feel here.

Overall, the grammar is good. I didn't have to pause to rearrange the sentences in my head, which already places this story above the vast majority of Scribblehub. Reading it all feels... stiff, but whatever. It's fine, I guess...?

Anyway, the first chapter...
It was weird.
Like, the MC literally has a baby pushed onto him, and his reaction is really weak. That's a fucking baby, for crying out loud. He also changes his mind really quickly. Just from tripping on himself, he agreed to take care of another human being that he's not related to. Feels forced.

Second chapter... I realize this story doesn't have just one MC. It seems to hop perspectives a lot. Nothing wrong with that. Just not my cup of tea.

With this, I'm also starting to somewhat realize that the world in your novel is sorta kinda like modern earth, except people come from Lifebringers...? I may be wrong.

It's interesting though.

Like, you could do a lotta shit with that. Assuming humans are no longer born from women, this means that one of a woman's greatest capabilities is basically gone. I'm interested to see how this would affect society. Plus, if birthing children is no longer on their skills list, then do they still retain their innate maternal instincts?

If not, then doesn't that mean that women in that world are just weaker and more fragile versions of men? How will that affect their place in society? Is forming relationships even a thing? Sure, people can get together out of love, but is that META for most people?

Lot's of interesting stuff here. In any case, if the Lifebringers really have such an important place in the world, it is even stranger that the dude in the first chapter knew nothing about them, not even their existence.

As for the third chapter... I honestly couldn't remember much.

I think one problem this story has so far, which a lot of other stories with multiple main characters share, is that it fails to establish any character well at the start.

Which, I think, is really important. Cuz a reader like me needs someone to latch onto. Like, they'll become our window into the story's world.

Fuck. I can't word it well. This is why I don't write. lol

Uh, for novels, I kinda view them like a game. The MC is my, the player's, character. Since this story switches heads so frequently, I don't feel like I have a character.

In other words, it's like I'm not playing the game at all. Or rather, it's like watching a really long cut scene, that's also unskippable.

As such, I couldn't really get invested in the story. I can barely remember anyone's name, tbh. But that might just be me. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, after all.

Anyway, if I were to give this a rating... I'd give it a 3.5 star.
3 stars for good grammar and stuff. Half-star for plot and other things.

This isn't bad, since I'd probably give most web novels 1 to 2.5 stars. I didn't actually rate the story though, so don't worry. I'm well aware that I'm somewhat of a harsh critic, so I keep my fingers away from ratings and reviews.

It's just that you asked for it.

 

[Ankh]

Hello, I'm a new Author too, and I published my first novel too. Can someone give me a good feedback?