I sighed as I was put in my jail cell... I can't believe I was actually imprisoned for this. Like... Seriously? I know the judge was bribed, but this was still ridiculous. There should be a limit to what bribes can do.
"So, newcomer, what were you imprisoned for anyways?" My new cellmate asked. Seemingly more out of formality than anything, because she didn't seem to be interested at all.
"You want the short version that will make you disgusted at me, or the long version that will make you laugh?" I asked back.
"Mmmmmm... Let's go with the short version first." She seemed to have gotten curious now.
"Disruption of hyperspace lanes, active piracy, sedition and consuming a banana in a public setting." I repeated the sentence that the judge uttered, word by word.
"Yeah... I can get the disgusted part alright... How will you make me laugh now?" She seemed to be really interested in it now.
"Okay, so the disruption of hyperspace lanes part... That's because I, one time, when I was 10 years old, found out a deactivated space travel station and pressed a bunch of buttons on it for fun... I accidentally activated it somehow, and I traveled to a different solar system through an unauthorized path, and almost caused a spaceship crash... My parents were worried sick about me, since it took me about a month to get back home after that... They didn't even need to pay a fine for the whole thing, by the way, as the judge ruled that they had already paid enough in hyperspace police searches for me." I explained.
"... How would that imprison you now?" She seemed to be doubting it... Can't say I blame her.
"My ex-boyfriend is very rich and has a huge grudge. Bribes do a lot more than what you'd expect." And a lot more than what I expected...
"Okay... And the rest?" She asked.
"Downloaded pirated games when I was 12 years old; made a speech at school when I was 15 years old saying that we shouldn't need to pay extra just to eat lunch; and the banana part is talking about the fruit, not about the drug that makes you fart something so smelly that you make nearby people faint." I smoothly replied.
... Unsurprisingly, she started laughing, "Wait, for real!? The actual banana fruit!? You serious!?"
"Dead serious..." I sighed.
"Oh wow, the bribe your ex-boyfriend delivered must have been crazy! Just what did you do to get him to hold such a grudge against you!?" She asked in-between laughs.
I heaved a long, long, heavy sigh, "I beat his supposedly unbeatable world record on the Mega Lario 65 speedruns."
... She fell on the floor while laughing out loud, "You're the unluckiest woman in the universe!"
"Can't say I disagree with that..." I sighed once more, "But it's okay, I have a plan to escape."
"Ooooooh? Right! A plan to escape the inescapable prison! Of course! Do you have any idea how many people tried that, girl!? Give it up while you can, you're never leaving this place alive!" She was still laughing.
"Heh. You say that because you haven't heard about it just yet. It's absolutely flawless." I grinned.
"Sure, sure, what it is it then?" She obviously held no trust in my perfect plan... Well, she's about to have her world turned upside down.
"My ex-boyfriend's mom really liked me, and she's a politician and the source of all his money. She's getting me out of this as soon as she finds out that I was imprisoned." I casually replied.
My cellmate was stunned and stayed silent for a few seconds, "... You know what? That's the most realistic escape plan that I have ever heard."
"I know, right?" I gave her a wide grin, fully confident of my victory, "So, what about you, how did you get imprisoned anyways?"
"Mass murder." She instantly replied without missing a beat.
"Oh..." I didn't know what else to say.
"Don't worry, don't worry. I don't kill funny people. At least not after I find out that they're funny. You're safe." She was the one grinning now.
"Uhn... Thanks?" I said.
"You're welcome." She replied.
... And after the tensest month of my life, I was actually freed, while my ex-boyfriend lost all his allowance and was forced to start working on WcMonalds to learn what real life was actually like.
