Seeking feedback on my story

[T-one]

Muma Hunters
By day, they blend in. By night, they hunt nightmares.

Muma Hunters are the unseen protectors of society-fighting monstrous beings born from trauma, fear, and regret. Most live double lives, hiding their true roles behind ordinary faces. Some are students. Others are adults. But all carry the weight of darkness no one else can see.

Reiji Kurosaki is one of them. A recent graduate of the Muma Hunting Academy, he's assigned to Chira City, where he must balance a façade of normalcy with his duties as a night-time hunter. As he dives into the minds of victims and confronts nightmare creatures, he also begins unraveling the mysteries surrounding the Muma -and himself.

The story starts slowly to build the world and characters-but it's all leading somewhere. It may not be for everyone, but if you're into anime, intense character journeys, dreamlike battles, and a bit of darkness, give it a try.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

As another poster had (fairly aggressively) pointed out to them, there is a specific area of the forums for Story Feedback ((1) Story Feedback | Scribble Hub Forum), where you are more likely to get actual feedback rather than, if you're lucky, some pedantic fool pointing out that you posted in the wrong place (and if you're not lucky, you'll get to be the center of a dogpile of abuse)...

 

[blackcrowcrowd]

+link your story for convenience sake

 

[T-one]

Muma Hunters
By day, they blend in. By night, they hunt nightmares.

Muma Hunters are the unseen protectors of society-fighting monstrous beings born from trauma, fear, and regret. Most live double lives, hiding their true roles behind ordinary faces. Some are students. Others are adults. But all carry the weight of darkness no one else can see.

Reiji Kurosaki is one of them. A recent graduate of the Muma Hunting Academy, he's assigned to Chira City, where he must balance a façade of normalcy with his duties as a night-time hunter. As he dives into the minds of victims and confronts nightmare creatures, he also begins unraveling the mysteries surrounding the Muma -and himself.

The story starts slowly to build the world and characters-but it's all leading somewhere. It may not be for everyone, but if you're into anime, intense character journeys, dreamlike battles, and a bit of darkness, give it a try.

Muma Hunters

By day, they blend in. By night, they hunt nightmares. Muma Hunters are the unseen protectors of society—fighting monstrous beings born from trauma, fear, and regret. Most live double lives, hiding their true roles behind ordinary faces. Some are students. Others are adults. But all carry the...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[SurfAngel_1031]

Muma Hunters
By day, they blend in. By night, they hunt nightmares.

Muma Hunters are the unseen protectors of society-fighting monstrous beings born from trauma, fear, and regret. Most live double lives, hiding their true roles behind ordinary faces. Some are students. Others are adults. But all carry the weight of darkness no one else can see.

Reiji Kurosaki is one of them. A recent graduate of the Muma Hunting Academy, he's assigned to Chira City, where he must balance a façade of normalcy with his duties as a night-time hunter. As he dives into the minds of victims and confronts nightmare creatures, he also begins unraveling the mysteries surrounding the Muma -and himself.

The story starts slowly to build the world and characters-but it's all leading somewhere. It may not be for everyone, but if you're into anime, intense character journeys, dreamlike battles, and a bit of darkness, give it a try.

Your request is more like an advertisement. If it's feedback you truly seek, there are a bunch of threads open where someone will take a look at your story.

 

[T-one]

My bad.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Not quite sure on the title - keep misreading it as "Mommy Hunters" ...

 

[MindFudge]

Not quite sure on the title - keep misreading it as "Mommy Hunters" ...

Thought it was just me?

 

[TheIcMan]

Read chapter 1.

So what kind of specific feedback are you looking for? Because not gonna lie, this is my type of shit. I have a few nitpicks about abruptness, tone shifts, typos, and pacing. For example, as much as I like how it's written, the first scene is completely unrelated to everything else. I'd rather just start at the cemetery. And a few other things I'd share if I was on my PC.

But other than that, I'm loving the dialogue. And since there's dialogue, I can get invested into the characters more. I didn't find him talking to his dead family melodramatic at all. It felt clean. GOD it's been a while since I've read a scribblehub series that had dialogue I like. But still there are some things that feel off, which I'll edit back into this post in a couple hours.

Basically, this shit kinda fire.