Seeking Feedback on My Story – "Her Love, My Regret"

[Comrade567]

Hey everyone,

I've recently published my story, Her Love, My Regret, and I'm looking for honest feedback to improve it. It’s a dramatic romance with deep emotions, raw intensity, and a mix of passion and regret.

Synopsis:
Arjun’s love story was never meant to be a fairytale. What started as a shy confession in school turned into a passionate, all-consuming love. But love isn’t just about emotions; it’s about choices. When his decisions shattered Mahalakshmi’s trust, regret became his only companion. As he struggles between the past and the present, will he find redemption, or will his mistakes haunt him forever?

What I’m Looking For:

Feedback on pacing, character development, and emotional impact.

Does the story feel immersive and engaging?

Any specific areas you feel could be improved?


I’d really appreciate any constructive criticism, whether positive or negative. If you're interested, you can check out the story here: Her Love My Regret

Looking forward to he
aring your thoughts!

 

[Daydreamers]

You should add smut to the genres. The last chapter took me by surprise. As I usually do, I skimmed through the tags and missed "adultery." adding it will help attract readers, anyway
First, the chapters are too short; they feel more like scenes rather than fully dvped chapters. You also focus heavily on telling rather than showing. As a reader, I didn’t see anything about his confession or how she responded; you simply told us that she said yes and that Arjun was happy. These moments are the heart of a story, so be sure to include them by showing through dialogue and describing the actions that represent a certain feeling.
Unfortunately, character development is lacking because there isn’t enough content for us to truly get to know the characters. Mahalakshmi, in particular, just seems to exist; she doesn't feel alive; it's like an image inside Arjun's head.

The pacing is quite fast, from confession to sharing their first kiss and almost having sex, all within about 500 words or so
There’s nothing wrong with a fast pace (in fact, I actually like stories that move quickly), but in your case , there is no harem in your tags or synopsis, That means you need to build things up more gradually or at least flesh out the characters better for a stronger impact.
In short, the story has the potential to be immersive, but you need to show more. Don't change the story or anything, its serves so far as a core, but by adding descriptions, it will turn into a wonderful novel.
P.S. I don’t read smut or anything with sexual content, so I might not fully understand the appeal beyond the story itself. Take my feedback with a grain of salt. if you feel it makes sense, go with it; if not, disregard it.
Either way, good luck

 

[Comrade567]

You should add smut to the genres. The last chapter took me by surprise. As I usually do, I skimmed through the tags and missed "adultery." adding it will help attract readers, anyway
First, the chapters are too short; they feel more like scenes rather than fully dvped chapters. You also focus heavily on telling rather than showing. As a reader, I didn’t see anything about his confession or how she responded; you simply told us that she said yes and that Arjun was happy. These moments are the heart of a story, so be sure to include them by showing through dialogue and describing the actions that represent a certain feeling.
Unfortunately, character development is lacking because there isn’t enough content for us to truly get to know the characters. Mahalakshmi, in particular, just seems to exist; she doesn't feel alive; it's like an image inside Arjun's head.

The pacing is quite fast, from confession to sharing their first kiss and almost having sex, all within about 500 words or so
There’s nothing wrong with a fast pace (in fact, I actually like stories that move quickly), but in your case , there is no harem in your tags or synopsis, That means you need to build things up more gradually or at least flesh out the characters better for a stronger impact.
In short, the story has the potential to be immersive, but you need to show more. Don't change the story or anything, its serves so far as a core, but by adding descriptions, it will turn into a wonderful novel.
P.S. I don’t read smut or anything with sexual content, so I might not fully understand the appeal beyond the story itself. Take my feedback with a grain of salt. if you feel it makes sense, go with it; if not, disregard it.
Either way, good luck

You should add smut to the genres. The last chapter took me by surprise. As I usually do, I skimmed through the tags and missed "adultery." adding it will help attract readers, anyway
First, the chapters are too short; they feel more like scenes rather than fully dvped chapters. You also focus heavily on telling rather than showing. As a reader, I didn’t see anything about his confession or how she responded; you simply told us that she said yes and that Arjun was happy. These moments are the heart of a story, so be sure to include them by showing through dialogue and describing the actions that represent a certain feeling.
Unfortunately, character development is lacking because there isn’t enough content for us to truly get to know the characters. Mahalakshmi, in particular, just seems to exist; she doesn't feel alive; it's like an image inside Arjun's head.

The pacing is quite fast, from confession to sharing their first kiss and almost having sex, all within about 500 words or so
There’s nothing wrong with a fast pace (in fact, I actually like stories that move quickly), but in your case , there is no harem in your tags or synopsis, That means you need to build things up more gradually or at least flesh out the characters better for a stronger impact.
In short, the story has the potential to be immersive, but you need to show more. Don't change the story or anything, its serves so far as a core, but by adding descriptions, it will turn into a wonderful novel.
P.S. I don’t read smut or anything with sexual content, so I might not fully understand the appeal beyond the story itself. Take my feedback with a grain of salt. if you feel it makes sense, go with it; if not, disregard it.
Either way, good luck

Thanks for the detailed feedback! I’ve rewritten the story with more depth and tweaks. Tags will be updated as needed. Appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts!

 

[Hsinat]

I read synopsis... the love story itself is regret, man...
WHERE IS JEE, NEET?
WHERE ARE THE ACTUAL HEART-BREAKERS MAN?
BOARDS OUT THE WINDOW OR WHAT?

Macha, do you think this is EVEN possible in real life?

ESPECIALLY A GIRL ALONE?

I ain't a hater, but this fiction seems too good to be true.

It's a joke. I am just really surprised to see another RCB fan here.

It just felt so weird to read this when one of my friends name is Arjun.

I read the first chapter, it's good only but pacing feels like you're giving jee mains.

Grammar good also.

Better than that of a CBSE English teacher.

It's a good attempt, but think of their careers also.

 

[Comrade567]

I read synopsis... the love story itself is regret, man...
WHERE IS JEE, NEET?
WHERE ARE THE ACTUAL HEART-BREAKERS MAN?
BOARDS OUT THE WINDOW OR WHAT?

Macha, do you think this is EVEN possible in real life?

ESPECIALLY A GIRL ALONE?

I ain't a hater, but this fiction seems too good to be true.

It's a joke. I am just really surprised to see another RCB fan here.

It just felt so weird to read this when one of my friends name is Arjun.

I read the first chapter, it's good only but pacing feels like you're giving jee mains.

Grammar good also.

Better than that of a CBSE English teacher.

It's a good attempt, but think of their careers also.

Haha, I get what you're saying! JEE, NEET, and board exams are definitely the real heartbreakers in a student's life. But love doesn’t exactly wait for the ‘right time,’ does it? Some fall in love amidst all the chaos, and that’s what this story explores—how emotions can take over even when life is demanding.

Also, the story isn’t complete yet! There’s a lot more coming, and who knows? Maybe reality will hit them hard soon. Stick around, and you might see things from a new angle.

And hey, always good to find another RCB fan here!

 

[Hsinat]

The real review with no jokes and puns :

The story has a lot of emotional depth, vivid descriptions, and a good amount of literary devices. It does a good job in capturing their first love affair beautifully.

But bad news? Oh boy... Tempokai will have a ton of fun in grilling and roasting it up.

Dialogue & Interaction – The couple’s direct interactions are very minimal compared to the ABUNDANT amount of inner monologue. We don't even see any hitches or arguments, even worse, communication. We need to see the building steps. It feels too sudden.

Pacing in Later Parts – The shift from innocent pure love to physical intimacy is quite abrupt. While the slow build-up is great, the transition to the smut was way too sudden, it would have made sense if it were flashbacks or reminiscing memories rather than a retelling narration.

It's a good attempt for an RCB fan at romance.

Just refine the dialogues, pacing, and balance out the emotions, and then you're good to go.

Haha, I get what you're saying! JEE, NEET, and board exams are definitely the real heartbreakers in a student's life. But love doesn’t exactly wait for the ‘right time,’ does it? Some fall in love amidst all the chaos, and that’s what this story explores—how emotions can take over even when life is demanding.

Also, the story isn’t complete yet! There’s a lot more coming, and who knows? Maybe reality will hit them hard soon. Stick around, and you might see things from a new angle.

And hey, always good to find another RCB fan here!

I ain't no RCB fan, but I do enjoy cricket. It's my friends who are... well the fans. It's always a deaf day for me.

As for my emotions, did you study aboard because if you did, it would then makes sense why an RCB fan is writing this.

I bet your gang will support you in this rather than make fun of you.