READ MY MASTERPIECE NOW (RIGHT NOW)

[Nerd0017]

So I have made a MASTERPIECE better than ANYTHING you will ever read in your LIFE! I am being only the most truthful author here! Every new author looking for feedback has been secretly wanting you to stroke their ego, and so do I! My ego is bigger than the ego of the father of my MC and I want it LARGER than the SOLAR SYSTEM!

But those who decide they are going to leave UNNECESSARY constructive feedback, I already have a hint for you! INFO DUMPS

Big /s

Just leave feedback below, and don't fall asleep before the first chapter ends because it will hurt my feelings. Also if you can, be as constructive and sincere as you can be, rather than leaving amazing epic roasts I have seen other people here doing. If you're lucky, your suggestions may appear in a future chapter!

I, the Chancellor

In a palace hidden beside the city of Pomona, California lies an empire of science older and more powerful than the state it was governed by. On December 1st, 1973, a suburban eighteen year old boy was about to be crowned its holy Chancellor. That day would begin the legendary reign...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[goth_dropping_in]

I really tried to write constructive criticism here, but frankly the issue is that you, the author come off as being a dick. That may not be what you intended to write, but it speaks for itself.

The ego boiling off your synopsis is so intense as to immediately turn me off the novel, as it immediately tells me I won't like the protagonist as the author is more concerned with building him up as godlike than giving him actual challenges to resolve.

You start the first chapter with setting, assuring me that this place you are describing is extremely impressive while giving little tangible in-world evidence to support that claim. Then you proceed to a bureaucratic tangle, struggling to put any actual action on the table other than hesitation. Then everyone starts to squabble. None of these people have my sympathy or my engagement; all of them seem equally contemptible.

It is at this point that I notice the hand of the author going "see, isn't it awful, aren't all these people terrible, don't we want to be rooting for the young upstart who I introduce in the second chapter", and my suspension of disbelief crumbles into a fine cup of dust. Said protagonist then immediately advocating for poisoning his teacher and saying her pussy is dry as the sahara only reinforces my feeling of dislike for you, the author, personally, for wasting my time producing a cast of punching bags for your kid protagonist to whale on instead of anyone with actual integrity and reason to oppose him. You've completely failed to set up a conflict that I'm engaged with, because both your kid protagonist and his antagonists all seem equally morally bankrupt and I don't trust that you'll do anything but make your kid protagonist whale on them at length.

I could go on to the third chapter, but everything you've done so far has told me it'll be a waste of my time. A protagonist needs some kind of good quality to them to make the reader sympathize, and presently yours seems to totally lack any such quality. Good day.

 

[Alski]

I opened it in a new tab, i might look at it after nap time.

 

[Humanistheart]

I tried opening it but appearently the aliens took it?