Hey, so i wrote 4 chapters already but never got any actual review at all. I even made a poll with six answers at the end of the last one, with potential opinions from 'Really good' to 'really bad'. But even with that i still got no feedback somehow. There is 27 people who got to the last chapter and none of them voted. And the question is - Is it me being dumb and not getting something or is it really hard to choose an option if you are don't want to write anything in comment?
Of course i would be grateful if you would read it and give any (as long as it's honest) opinion!
Also I am new to everything in there, so if i did something wrong pls say it.
So far I've gotten two reviews - one "Writer is clearly not professional but not bad" here, one "Writer captures the feel of Noir well, but I didn't like it much." on Royal Road. So don't get too discouraged by not getting reviews. If you have readers, you're doing well, even if they're silent I think.
I read the opening chapter. Couldn't bring myself to read more.
I'll start with the synopsis. The synopsis, the first impression of your story. And what does yours say? "Please don’t read this." It's apologetic, disorganized, and screams "I'm a total newbie, and this story will be trash". You spent more time explaining what isn’t in the story (no smut yet, sorry horny readers) than telling us what actually is. And the phrases like "Idk how much I should say" and "that's all you will get for now"? Honey, that's not intrigue—it's resignation.
Your job here isn’t to preemptively apologize for the story or dump disclaimers like a nervous restaurant server warning people about undercooked chicken. Your synopsis needs to sell your story. Tease the readers. Hook them. Make them care about Cedric’s plight before they even click “Read." Focus on Cedric as a character. Make it clear what sets him apart from the typical fantasy prince. The Hero Summoning twist? That’s your hook. Why is Cedric important in this world, and why should we care about him? Stop apologizing, and start selling.
Whatever, I'll just input the synopsis into GPT:
“Cedric, the fourth prince of a crumbling kingdom, has one great talent: being utterly irrelevant. In a world where isekai’d heroes and chosen ones hog the spotlight, he’s just a spare royal waiting for his older brothers to either die or succeed at keeping him in their shadow. But when political schemes, assassinations, and the ever-looming threat of rebellion rear their heads, Cedric realizes he might not stay irrelevant for long—whether he likes it or not.
A subversion of the typical isekai tale, Prince of the Fallen Kingdom explores ambition, survival, and what happens when you’re the only one who isn’t special.”
The rewritten synopsis was crafted with the intent to sharpen focus, establish a more engaging narrative voice, and clarify the thematic underpinnings of the story. The changes made aim to attract readers who are seeking a fresh take on the isekai genre while addressing issues of tone, structure, and audience appeal from the original version.
Clarity and Focus
The original synopsis, while intriguing, lacked a clear sense of direction, leaving much of the story's premise unexplored or vaguely hinted at. The rewritten version places Cedric at the center of the narrative, immediately identifying him as the fourth prince in a "crumbling kingdom." This adds specificity and stakes to the setting, creating a stronger foundation for readers to connect with the story.
Refined Tone and Professionalism
The original synopsis used a casual and somewhat scattered tone, which might not resonate with readers looking for a polished narrative. The rewrite employs a more sophisticated and engaging voice, while still maintaining an approachable style. Phrases like "hog the spotlight" inject personality without veering into informality, striking a balance that appeals to a broader audience.
Thematic Depth
By introducing themes such as political schemes, rebellion, and Cedric's struggle with irrelevance, the rewritten synopsis invites readers into a world where personal ambition and survival are at odds with societal expectations. This thematic framing—highlighting Cedric’s ordinariness in contrast to the isekai genre’s usual focus on "chosen ones"—offers a clear subversion that piques interest.
Streamlined Content
The rewrite removes superfluous elements from the original, such as the author’s disclaimers about language proficiency, tags, and genre experimentation. These notes, while important in their context, dilute the impact of the synopsis itself. A streamlined version allows the plot and character dynamics to take center stage.
Improved Narrative Hook
The original synopsis begins with a vague "typical isekai story" setup, which risks losing potential readers who want something distinctive. The rewritten version immediately introduces Cedric as an "utterly irrelevant" prince, a provocative and humorous description that hooks the reader by suggesting an unconventional protagonist.
Reader Expectations and Subversion
The rewritten synopsis consciously addresses genre-savvy readers by explicitly positioning the story as a "subversion of the typical isekai tale." This appeals to an audience seeking innovation within the familiar framework of fantasy storytelling, setting the stage for a narrative that both honors and critiques genre tropes.
Conclusion
The intent of the rewrite was to transform the synopsis into a compelling introduction that stands out in a crowded market of isekai stories. By emphasizing Cedric’s ordinariness, the rewrite reframes the narrative as a character-driven exploration of survival and ambition, inviting readers to delve into a tale that promises both genre familiarity and unexpected twists.
Boom. It’s concise, intriguing, and makes your MC sound like someone worth reading about. Too bad GPT had written it, not you. Read how GPT had rewritten it, and you'll understand why it works.
Next, your chapter title system is confused, convoluted nightmare. Chapter 1 – Prelude 1? How does that even work? Are the prequels to the chapter numbered separately? Is your chapter 1 has something similar with Half-Life? Just call it Chapter 1 and move on. Readers don’t need a roadmap to figure out where the actual story begins.
And speaking of the Chapter 1 – Prelude 1, it's the in medias res done wrong. There isn't any tension or character development (or rather character creation) besides "oh, I'm annoyed", and "oh, let me shove the LitRPG system that isn't relevant enough but I'm compelled to do it into your face."
Here’s the thing: your opening chapter is your first handshake with the reader. Right now, you’re limply shaking hands and mumbling something about squats and halberds. You need to punch us in the face with your story. Start with something exciting—like the Hero Summoning ceremony you've been hinting at—and let the tension pull us in.
Look, I get it: LitRPG can be entertaining. However, you are treating it as a convenient paragraph filler rather than incorporating it into the narrative. Cedric's statistics are meaningless without context. Why should I care about his Strength of 236? What does this mean for the story? The LitRPG mechanics are useless if they don't add anything to the plot. Also, "Mystic Mask" and "Steel Muscles"? Come on. These sound like placeholder names for a game developer's rough draft. If you're going to give Cedric abilities, make them unique and relevant to his character or the world's lore.
If you want to keep the LitRPG elements, make them matter. Don't show Cedric’s stats willy nilly when it's useless. Show it rather when it affects the way he fights, trains, or survives. If LitRPG isn’t central to the story, consider ditching it entirely—it’s not helping right now.
Your formatting is visually assaulting. Paragraphs are clumped together, dialogue is hidden behind walls of text, and scene transitions are so abrupt that I thought I had skipped a page. This isn't just difficult to read; it actively repels your audience. I understand if it's your first draft, but if you reread it and made no changes, that's a problem. And the grammar? “Muscules,” “laughtes,” “cneter”? Look, I know English might not be your first language, and that’s okay. But you’ve got to proofread. Readers can forgive a typo or two, but when every other sentence feels like a stab in the eye, they’re not sticking around. There's Grammarly, ChatGPT, whatever else LLM assisted tools, hell, even ProWritingAid, browser built-in error checkers and even freaking Word has the error identification functions. Tools are out there, use them.
At least, break up the paragraphs. One thought, one action, one piece of dialogue per paragraph. Use quotation marks and punctuation properly. Dialogue deserves respect! Use the tools above!
Also, MC is a blank slate that isn't interesting, at least in the opening chapter. Sure, he's not the isekai'd, but it doesn't give you the crutch to make him bland. Give him some fire! He doesn’t have to be a throne-hungry schemer, but he does need something to motivate him. Maybe he resents his brothers for overshadowing him. Maybe he secretly fears the Hero Summoning will destroy their kingdom. Just give him anything to make readers care.
Look, I’m not here to crush your dreams, but if you want random people to give a feedback you need to understand how to write well. Haven't you read other webnovels? Haven't you thought to copy the formatting or grammar from it? You’ve got potential. The core idea of a sidelined prince caught up in a Hero Summoning gone wrong? That’s intriguing. But you’re sabotaging yourself with messy execution, bland characters, and pacing that drags in all the wrong places.
You’ve got the bones of a good story here—now go add a meat to it, so there will be something readers can sink their teeth into. And if you’re ever unsure, remember: less apologizing, more storytelling. You’ve got this.
I read the opening chapter. Couldn't bring myself to read more.
I'll start with the synopsis. The synopsis, the first impression of your story. And what does yours say? "Please don’t read this." It's apologetic, disorganized, and screams "I'm a total newbie, and this story will be trash". You spent more time explaining what isn’t in the story (no smut yet, sorry horny readers) than telling us what actually is. And the phrases like "Idk how much I should say" and "that's all you will get for now"? Honey, that's not intrigue—it's resignation.
Your job here isn’t to preemptively apologize for the story or dump disclaimers like a nervous restaurant server warning people about undercooked chicken. Your synopsis needs to sell your story. Tease the readers. Hook them. Make them care about Cedric’s plight before they even click “Read." Focus on Cedric as a character. Make it clear what sets him apart from the typical fantasy prince. The Hero Summoning twist? That’s your hook. Why is Cedric important in this world, and why should we care about him? Stop apologizing, and start selling.
Whatever, I'll just input the synopsis into GPT:
“Cedric, the fourth prince of a crumbling kingdom, has one great talent: being utterly irrelevant. In a world where isekai’d heroes and chosen ones hog the spotlight, he’s just a spare royal waiting for his older brothers to either die or succeed at keeping him in their shadow. But when political schemes, assassinations, and the ever-looming threat of rebellion rear their heads, Cedric realizes he might not stay irrelevant for long—whether he likes it or not.
A subversion of the typical isekai tale, Prince of the Fallen Kingdom explores ambition, survival, and what happens when you’re the only one who isn’t special.”
The rewritten synopsis was crafted with the intent to sharpen focus, establish a more engaging narrative voice, and clarify the thematic underpinnings of the story. The changes made aim to attract readers who are seeking a fresh take on the isekai genre while addressing issues of tone, structure, and audience appeal from the original version.
Clarity and Focus
The original synopsis, while intriguing, lacked a clear sense of direction, leaving much of the story's premise unexplored or vaguely hinted at. The rewritten version places Cedric at the center of the narrative, immediately identifying him as the fourth prince in a "crumbling kingdom." This adds specificity and stakes to the setting, creating a stronger foundation for readers to connect with the story.
Refined Tone and Professionalism
The original synopsis used a casual and somewhat scattered tone, which might not resonate with readers looking for a polished narrative. The rewrite employs a more sophisticated and engaging voice, while still maintaining an approachable style. Phrases like "hog the spotlight" inject personality without veering into informality, striking a balance that appeals to a broader audience.
Thematic Depth
By introducing themes such as political schemes, rebellion, and Cedric's struggle with irrelevance, the rewritten synopsis invites readers into a world where personal ambition and survival are at odds with societal expectations. This thematic framing—highlighting Cedric’s ordinariness in contrast to the isekai genre’s usual focus on "chosen ones"—offers a clear subversion that piques interest.
Streamlined Content
The rewrite removes superfluous elements from the original, such as the author’s disclaimers about language proficiency, tags, and genre experimentation. These notes, while important in their context, dilute the impact of the synopsis itself. A streamlined version allows the plot and character dynamics to take center stage.
Improved Narrative Hook
The original synopsis begins with a vague "typical isekai story" setup, which risks losing potential readers who want something distinctive. The rewritten version immediately introduces Cedric as an "utterly irrelevant" prince, a provocative and humorous description that hooks the reader by suggesting an unconventional protagonist.
Reader Expectations and Subversion
The rewritten synopsis consciously addresses genre-savvy readers by explicitly positioning the story as a "subversion of the typical isekai tale." This appeals to an audience seeking innovation within the familiar framework of fantasy storytelling, setting the stage for a narrative that both honors and critiques genre tropes.
Conclusion
The intent of the rewrite was to transform the synopsis into a compelling introduction that stands out in a crowded market of isekai stories. By emphasizing Cedric’s ordinariness, the rewrite reframes the narrative as a character-driven exploration of survival and ambition, inviting readers to delve into a tale that promises both genre familiarity and unexpected twists.
Boom. It’s concise, intriguing, and makes your MC sound like someone worth reading about. Too bad GPT had written it, not you. Read how GPT had rewritten it, and you'll understand why it works.
Next, your chapter title system is confused, convoluted nightmare. Chapter 1 – Prelude 1? How does that even work? Are the prequels to the chapter numbered separately? Is your chapter 1 has something similar with Half-Life? Just call it Chapter 1 and move on. Readers don’t need a roadmap to figure out where the actual story begins.
And speaking of the Chapter 1 – Prelude 1, it's the in medias res done wrong. There isn't any tension or character development (or rather character creation) besides "oh, I'm annoyed", and "oh, let me shove the LitRPG system that isn't relevant enough but I'm compelled to do it into your face."
Here’s the thing: your opening chapter is your first handshake with the reader. Right now, you’re limply shaking hands and mumbling something about squats and halberds. You need to punch us in the face with your story. Start with something exciting—like the Hero Summoning ceremony you've been hinting at—and let the tension pull us in.
Look, I get it: LitRPG can be entertaining. However, you are treating it as a convenient paragraph filler rather than incorporating it into the narrative. Cedric's statistics are meaningless without context. Why should I care about his Strength of 236? What does this mean for the story? The LitRPG mechanics are useless if they don't add anything to the plot. Also, "Mystic Mask" and "Steel Muscles"? Come on. These sound like placeholder names for a game developer's rough draft. If you're going to give Cedric abilities, make them unique and relevant to his character or the world's lore.
If you want to keep the LitRPG elements, make them matter. Don't show Cedric’s stats willy nilly when it's useless. Show it rather when it affects the way he fights, trains, or survives. If LitRPG isn’t central to the story, consider ditching it entirely—it’s not helping right now.
Your formatting is visually assaulting. Paragraphs are clumped together, dialogue is hidden behind walls of text, and scene transitions are so abrupt that I thought I had skipped a page. This isn't just difficult to read; it actively repels your audience. I understand if it's your first draft, but if you reread it and made no changes, that's a problem. And the grammar? “Muscules,” “laughtes,” “cneter”? Look, I know English might not be your first language, and that’s okay. But you’ve got to proofread. Readers can forgive a typo or two, but when every other sentence feels like a stab in the eye, they’re not sticking around. There's Grammarly, ChatGPT, whatever else LLM assisted tools, hell, even ProWritingAid, browser built-in error checkers and even freaking Word has the error identification functions. Tools are out there, use them.
At least, break up the paragraphs. One thought, one action, one piece of dialogue per paragraph. Use quotation marks and punctuation properly. Dialogue deserves respect! Use the tools above!
Also, MC is a blank slate that isn't interesting, at least in the opening chapter. Sure, he's not the isekai'd, but it doesn't give you the crutch to make him bland. Give him some fire! He doesn’t have to be a throne-hungry schemer, but he does need something to motivate him. Maybe he resents his brothers for overshadowing him. Maybe he secretly fears the Hero Summoning will destroy their kingdom. Just give him anything to make readers care.
Look, I’m not here to crush your dreams, but if you want random people to give a feedback you need to understand how to write well. Haven't you read other webnovels? Haven't you thought to copy the formatting or grammar from it? You’ve got potential. The core idea of a sidelined prince caught up in a Hero Summoning gone wrong? That’s intriguing. But you’re sabotaging yourself with messy execution, bland characters, and pacing that drags in all the wrong places.
You’ve got the bones of a good story here—now go add a meat to it, so there will be something readers can sink their teeth into. And if you’re ever unsure, remember: less apologizing, more storytelling. You’ve got this.
Alr, thanks. I pretty much agree with most of your points like pacing and I already fixed that in the 4th chapter.
About the LitRPG. I used numbers to show that regular trainings have slow progress while sparring is way better, which leads to him meeting another character. But it was in the nest chapter so i get it you didn't know.
The grammar - i forgor about checking errors with apps, my bad.
Alr, thanks. I pretty much agree with most of your points like pacing and I already fixed that in the 4th chapter.
About the LitRPG. I used numbers to show that regular trainings have slow progress while sparring is way better, which leads to him meeting another character. But it was in the nest chapter so i get it you didn't know.
The grammar - i forgor about checking errors with apps, my bad.
I get that you’re addressing some of these issues later on, but remember: Chapter 1 is your hook. If the pacing, LitRPG elements, or grammar turn people off right away, they won’t stick around for Chapter 4, no matter how much better it gets. Every chapter matters, but your opening needs to shine.
For the LitRPG system, it’s not enough to say ‘it makes sense later.’ If sparring is a key discovery, show Cedric struggling with training and realizing the difference through action and dialogue in Chapter 1. Readers need to see why the numbers matter right away.
Grammar? Fixing that is a no-brainer. You can do it easily while writing, why you didn't do it? It’s great you’re acknowledging it, but you need to actively proofread every chapter moving forward. Trust me, even small changes will make a huge difference in readability.
It sounds like you’re trying to improve, which is great—just make sure you’re not relying on later chapters to save the story. The first impression is everything!
I read the opening chapter. Couldn't bring myself to read more.
I'll start with the synopsis. The synopsis, the first impression of your story. And what does yours say? "Please don’t read this." It's apologetic, disorganized, and screams "I'm a total newbie, and this story will be trash". You spent more time explaining what isn’t in the story (no smut yet, sorry horny readers) than telling us what actually is. And the phrases like "Idk how much I should say" and "that's all you will get for now"? Honey, that's not intrigue—it's resignation.
Your job here isn’t to preemptively apologize for the story or dump disclaimers like a nervous restaurant server warning people about undercooked chicken. Your synopsis needs to sell your story. Tease the readers. Hook them. Make them care about Cedric’s plight before they even click “Read." Focus on Cedric as a character. Make it clear what sets him apart from the typical fantasy prince. The Hero Summoning twist? That’s your hook. Why is Cedric important in this world, and why should we care about him? Stop apologizing, and start selling.
Whatever, I'll just input the synopsis into GPT:
“Cedric, the fourth prince of a crumbling kingdom, has one great talent: being utterly irrelevant. In a world where isekai’d heroes and chosen ones hog the spotlight, he’s just a spare royal waiting for his older brothers to either die or succeed at keeping him in their shadow. But when political schemes, assassinations, and the ever-looming threat of rebellion rear their heads, Cedric realizes he might not stay irrelevant for long—whether he likes it or not.
A subversion of the typical isekai tale, Prince of the Fallen Kingdom explores ambition, survival, and what happens when you’re the only one who isn’t special.”
The rewritten synopsis was crafted with the intent to sharpen focus, establish a more engaging narrative voice, and clarify the thematic underpinnings of the story. The changes made aim to attract readers who are seeking a fresh take on the isekai genre while addressing issues of tone, structure, and audience appeal from the original version.
Clarity and Focus
The original synopsis, while intriguing, lacked a clear sense of direction, leaving much of the story's premise unexplored or vaguely hinted at. The rewritten version places Cedric at the center of the narrative, immediately identifying him as the fourth prince in a "crumbling kingdom." This adds specificity and stakes to the setting, creating a stronger foundation for readers to connect with the story.
Refined Tone and Professionalism
The original synopsis used a casual and somewhat scattered tone, which might not resonate with readers looking for a polished narrative. The rewrite employs a more sophisticated and engaging voice, while still maintaining an approachable style. Phrases like "hog the spotlight" inject personality without veering into informality, striking a balance that appeals to a broader audience.
Thematic Depth
By introducing themes such as political schemes, rebellion, and Cedric's struggle with irrelevance, the rewritten synopsis invites readers into a world where personal ambition and survival are at odds with societal expectations. This thematic framing—highlighting Cedric’s ordinariness in contrast to the isekai genre’s usual focus on "chosen ones"—offers a clear subversion that piques interest.
Streamlined Content
The rewrite removes superfluous elements from the original, such as the author’s disclaimers about language proficiency, tags, and genre experimentation. These notes, while important in their context, dilute the impact of the synopsis itself. A streamlined version allows the plot and character dynamics to take center stage.
Improved Narrative Hook
The original synopsis begins with a vague "typical isekai story" setup, which risks losing potential readers who want something distinctive. The rewritten version immediately introduces Cedric as an "utterly irrelevant" prince, a provocative and humorous description that hooks the reader by suggesting an unconventional protagonist.
Reader Expectations and Subversion
The rewritten synopsis consciously addresses genre-savvy readers by explicitly positioning the story as a "subversion of the typical isekai tale." This appeals to an audience seeking innovation within the familiar framework of fantasy storytelling, setting the stage for a narrative that both honors and critiques genre tropes.
Conclusion
The intent of the rewrite was to transform the synopsis into a compelling introduction that stands out in a crowded market of isekai stories. By emphasizing Cedric’s ordinariness, the rewrite reframes the narrative as a character-driven exploration of survival and ambition, inviting readers to delve into a tale that promises both genre familiarity and unexpected twists.
Boom. It’s concise, intriguing, and makes your MC sound like someone worth reading about. Too bad GPT had written it, not you. Read how GPT had rewritten it, and you'll understand why it works.
Next, your chapter title system is confused, convoluted nightmare. Chapter 1 – Prelude 1? How does that even work? Are the prequels to the chapter numbered separately? Is your chapter 1 has something similar with Half-Life? Just call it Chapter 1 and move on. Readers don’t need a roadmap to figure out where the actual story begins.
And speaking of the Chapter 1 – Prelude 1, it's the in medias res done wrong. There isn't any tension or character development (or rather character creation) besides "oh, I'm annoyed", and "oh, let me shove the LitRPG system that isn't relevant enough but I'm compelled to do it into your face."
Here’s the thing: your opening chapter is your first handshake with the reader. Right now, you’re limply shaking hands and mumbling something about squats and halberds. You need to punch us in the face with your story. Start with something exciting—like the Hero Summoning ceremony you've been hinting at—and let the tension pull us in.
Look, I get it: LitRPG can be entertaining. However, you are treating it as a convenient paragraph filler rather than incorporating it into the narrative. Cedric's statistics are meaningless without context. Why should I care about his Strength of 236? What does this mean for the story? The LitRPG mechanics are useless if they don't add anything to the plot. Also, "Mystic Mask" and "Steel Muscles"? Come on. These sound like placeholder names for a game developer's rough draft. If you're going to give Cedric abilities, make them unique and relevant to his character or the world's lore.
If you want to keep the LitRPG elements, make them matter. Don't show Cedric’s stats willy nilly when it's useless. Show it rather when it affects the way he fights, trains, or survives. If LitRPG isn’t central to the story, consider ditching it entirely—it’s not helping right now.
Your formatting is visually assaulting. Paragraphs are clumped together, dialogue is hidden behind walls of text, and scene transitions are so abrupt that I thought I had skipped a page. This isn't just difficult to read; it actively repels your audience. I understand if it's your first draft, but if you reread it and made no changes, that's a problem. And the grammar? “Muscules,” “laughtes,” “cneter”? Look, I know English might not be your first language, and that’s okay. But you’ve got to proofread. Readers can forgive a typo or two, but when every other sentence feels like a stab in the eye, they’re not sticking around. There's Grammarly, ChatGPT, whatever else LLM assisted tools, hell, even ProWritingAid, browser built-in error checkers and even freaking Word has the error identification functions. Tools are out there, use them.
At least, break up the paragraphs. One thought, one action, one piece of dialogue per paragraph. Use quotation marks and punctuation properly. Dialogue deserves respect! Use the tools above!
Also, MC is a blank slate that isn't interesting, at least in the opening chapter. Sure, he's not the isekai'd, but it doesn't give you the crutch to make him bland. Give him some fire! He doesn’t have to be a throne-hungry schemer, but he does need something to motivate him. Maybe he resents his brothers for overshadowing him. Maybe he secretly fears the Hero Summoning will destroy their kingdom. Just give him anything to make readers care.
Look, I’m not here to crush your dreams, but if you want random people to give a feedback you need to understand how to write well. Haven't you read other webnovels? Haven't you thought to copy the formatting or grammar from it? You’ve got potential. The core idea of a sidelined prince caught up in a Hero Summoning gone wrong? That’s intriguing. But you’re sabotaging yourself with messy execution, bland characters, and pacing that drags in all the wrong places.
You’ve got the bones of a good story here—now go add a meat to it, so there will be something readers can sink their teeth into. And if you’re ever unsure, remember: less apologizing, more storytelling. You’ve got this.
I have a similar problem to his, but my genre is fantasy with sci-fi elements and a slow start. I’ve already written and saved most of the lore and have been crafting this story for about two years. Could you review it and let me know if it’s engaging? I’m okay with not having many reviews, but I want to ensure I can keep my readers interested. Thank you in advance for your response.
Shadows stretch longer, whispers grow louder, and the world of Obinai Nobunaga, a teen trying to figure out his place in the world begins to unravel in ways that defy understanding… *whispering frantically, their voice trembling* “They’re… they’re dead. They’re all dead. I don’t… how did...
