Proof reading a futanari story.

[MafiaNoble]

Would anyone be interested in proof reading, and helping to improve, a Cyberpunk futanari novel?

 

[L1aei]

Would anyone be interested in proof reading, and helping to improve, a Cyberpunk futanari novel?

Not while I'm sober. Maybe later?

 

[MafiaNoble]

Not while I'm sober. Maybe later?

Sounds like a plan ?

 

[SouthernMaiden]

So, like futanari is a big enough aspect that its one of the primary descriptors you use alongside "cyberpunk". Interesting lol. I have been thinking that cyberpunk does give lots of opportunities for gender exploration, which is cool. Do you have a synopsis?

 

[MafiaNoble]

So, like futanari is a big enough aspect that its one of the primary descriptors you use alongside "cyberpunk". Interesting lol. I have been thinking that cyberpunk does give lots of opportunities for gender exploration, which is cool. Do you have a synopsis?

I was editing the chapter/draft when scribblehub kept moving back to the top of the page. So I decided that was enough for the day and just uploaded it. I already edited it once in my docs so it's readable.

Designed to be desired – a cyberpunk f*tanari progression story.

Charles dies for sixty-five eddies in a back alley. He wakes up as Charlotte—a high-end escort at Cupido’s Arrow, a respected establishment where the money is real, the contracts are enforced, and the girls are protected. Her body is expensive biosculpted flesh, designed for sex in ways Charles...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[SouthernMaiden]

Ah never mind. AI assisted writing is eh...

 

[L1aei]

Fuck. Fine. Let me grab the vodka.
Wooo boy... I'm gonna rewrite this babbyy. You tell me what you think of it when I bastardize it.

I was editing the chapter/draft when scribblehub kept moving back to the top of the page. So I decided that was enough for the day and just uploaded it. I already edited it once in my docs so it's readable.

Designed to be desired – a cyberpunk f*tanari progression story.

Charles dies for sixty-five eddies in a back alley. He wakes up as Charlotte—a high-end escort at Cupido’s Arrow, a respected establishment where the money is real, the contracts are enforced, and the girls are protected. Her body is expensive biosculpted flesh, designed for sex in ways Charles...

www.scribblehub.com

Alright dude, let me know what your thoughts are on this rewrite. Yeah, I know, it ain't in your voice, but mine. But it should give you an idea on some of the things you're missing. Study it. Don't think this is how you should speak, but rather see what I added and consider whether those notes are something you should write down for future development.

Here:

Charles knew something was wrong the moment he stepped into the alley.

Not because it was dark--what alley isn't? Also not because it stank of ozone... you know, he never considered this before, and ozone smells a lot like the color blue. And rot. Cold, but sizzling the hairs in his nostrils with a bad patch of mint; blue-encased cords of wires burning as they finished sparking from whatever damage they endured. All normal for the last place he wanted to be. Especially since this alley was silent.

No hum from the traffic arteries overhead.
No bass thumping through concrete.
Fuck, not even background chatter from cheap augments and whatever crackhead implemented worse ideas on this city block.

Just a broken neon sign, one he could get glimpses of the dark alley with each flickering green and pink, like it couldn't decide which hue to die in.

Just a package.

The phrase surfaced to the forefront of his skull uninvited, carrying Dimitri’s voice with it. He could even envision him with that easy-going grin despite the tired look he gave him when saying it, like everything in the world was temporary if you didn’t look at it too hard.

It wasn't and still isn't.

Charles took a step back.

Then another, but maybe not as fast as he should've been retreating from this shitshow.

Why? Because that was when he saw the body.

He held his toes right on the wet pavement, his heel still eager to complete the step back, but his mind had other priorities; his brain stalled and he was busy rebooting to process the sight before him. The body... that dead thing lay near the green and pink glowing wall, and it was twisted wrong.

Fuck!

How did one leg folded under itself like it had given up halfway through running? The jacket it wore was soaked through far more than what he could imagine the recent rain had splattered on the alley's pavement.

It looked dark. He didn't have to be creative to imagine that was blood pooling beneath it. That wasn't what he was worried about though. He had seen dead bodies before, plenty, but the fact it is still spreading across the pavement.

It... why was he calling Dimitri "it"?

His brain must still be too jammed with knots of memories, the sight of a man who would give him no more of those, and the fact that this murder is recent instinctually alarming him. Fucking hell, he needs his cognition to catch up with the here and now.

Dimitri. Not "it". This is Dimitri.

Good. That's established. Now he finishes taking that step back, needing to get out of here.

The here and now... funny, that rhymes with what he hears right now; a sound of boots scraping across concrete that is most certainly coming from behind him.

Charles turned just in time to see the first living man other than himself move in this forsaken alley.

 

[MafiaNoble]

Ah never mind. AI assisted writing is eh...

That's fair enough, but perhaps giving it a go for nothing else then that gender exploration would be worth it? Happy to hear opinion and suggestions in regards of it.

Skipping it over a honest synopsis without giving it a read is also mweh. I've seen plenty of people either using assistance or just outright generating text without a problem. The difference? They're not honest about it.

Fuck. Fine. Let me grab the vodka.
Wooo boy... I'm gonna rewrite this babbyy. You tell me what you think of it when I bastardize it.



Alright dude, let me know what your thoughts are on this rewrite. Yeah, I know, it ain't in your voice, but mine. But it should give you an idea on some of the things you're missing. Study it. Don't think this is how you should speak, but rather see what I added and consider whether those notes are something you should write down for future development.

Here:

I'm currently on work but I'll make sure to properly compare it to my own version once I'm home. See if I can perhaps make it more descriptive without ruining the overall voice/style I'm currently going with. Might be able to add more Soviet union lore to the chapter.