Prologue

[MakBow]

Tell me what you think about this prologue. The concept is meant to be for an isekai where the main character has extreme misfortune.
(Not it isn't a comedy novel, but a revenge one.)
(This does get transfer along with him in the new world)
(To give you a simple idea: I'm essentially doing Failure Frame, but how I wished it went and how it utilized its aspects since I felt it could have done so much more.)
(Not posted yet. Being written on the side before I do)

Chapter
“Ah, such misfortune!”

I had spilled my cup of noodles on my lap.

Jumping out of my seat, I stepped on a game controller, causing me to fall and hit my back on a basketball that was stiff.

“AH!”

Shaking on the floor, I covered my mouth, listening.

…thank goodness he isn’t awake.

Slowly picking myself up, I observed the ground to make sure I didn’t trip on anything else and changed into a new set of clothes.

My room was very messy, with two trash bins full of trash and flies.

These were the cons of living fairly broke without much room.

Taking a seat at my desk, I turned on my computer, which had been through a lot.

Too much, in fact.

All thanks to me.

“...come on.”

My computer refused to turn on.

“Damn misfortune.”

Smacking the side of my computer over and over, it finally turned on, but it fell over, hitting the ground.

“...”

I put it back in its place, opening Microsoft Edge.

“What!? No!”

I had lost all my tabs.

The function to restore my tabs didn’t show up.

I had so much on those tabs.

Games I wanted to download and websites I wanted to work on.

I barely remembered the names because of how many I needed to find.

At this point, I would have just thrown everything.

But I was patient.

I had been dealing with this all my life.

“I’ll just play World of the Wild.”

It was a famous RPG game that I usually played during my free time, although I had a lot of free time.

After all, today I turned 18.

Today is also my first day out after graduation.

Taking my headphones from my bed, they had a lot of tape holding it together.

They always kept falling off my head, causing it to hit various things like my bed and chair, which damaged it a lot over the months.

“Okay, are there any events going on?”

Opening the game, no events were currently happening, which was unfortunate, but not the end of the world.

Pressing the Enter key caused it to pop off.

“...”

I didn’t even look at it.

I knew what happened, and it didn’t surprise me.

This had happened already, 7 times to be exact.

I had spent the rest of the day playing the game, my luck in the gutter of hell.

All CRIT Rates failed, any status ailments I tried failed all the time, the bosses dodged my attacks most of the time, and only one boss had fallen to me, and it wasn't even luck, just a pure, raw attack with no plan in mind.

I’m not even sure why I still played this game.

I obviously did the worst in the game.

So much so, even the game rewarded me for being so trash.

Getting a trophy for failing a CRIT Rate 200 times in a row.

I’m not even sure if I was sitting in front of this screen the entire day, but it felt like night had approached in a flash.

Turning off my computer, I lay in bed, looking out the window in silence.

“...I really hope things get better from here on out.”

Closing my eyes, I had drifted into slumber, yet fate had other plans.

On my hand, a red mark appeared, and I would disappear from my bed, leaving behind the room that was once my home.

The last thing that Kuroha Kuroyami would leave behind: his PC that would ignite a spark.

 

[IWILLDEFYTHEHEAVENS]

First time I have nothing to say about a prologue.
anyways, for the sake of saying something, that Seems unfortunate enough.

 

[TheIcMan]

Fukou da? Man thinks he's Touma.
So, there are a lot of these awkward reading sentences.

Jumping out of my seat, I stepped on a game controller, causing me to fall and hit my back on a basketball that was stiff.

Basketball that was stiff? Yeah, no, sorry. The first impression is already pretty poor because of that. Something like "I jumped out of my seat, stepped on a game controller, and hit my back on a stiff (as hell) basketball." Or something to that effect. Keep your verbs consistent.

I put it back in its place, opening Microsoft Edge.

Extremely awkward. It's like we missed three steps there.

These are all over the place, so those should be your first improvements. The other weird thing is at the end where you suddenly switch tense?? It's very clear what you're doing, but that was not the way to do it.

Also if you're not going for the comedy route, your tone isn't really conveying it well. I was partially joking with the Touma bit. I don't know, it just feels pretty eye roll sometimes. We get it, he's supposed to be misfortunate, and you're showing it decently enough, but you're overdoing it.

 

[MakBow]

Fukou da? Man thinks he's Touma.
So, there are a lot of these awkward reading sentences.

Basketball that was stiff? Yeah, no, sorry. The first impression is already pretty poor because of that. Something like "I jumped out of my seat, stepped on a game controller, and hit my back on a stiff (as hell) basketball." Or something to that effect. Keep your verbs consistent.


Extremely awkward. It's like we missed three steps there.

These are all over the place, so those should be your first improvements. The other weird thing is at the end where you suddenly switch tense?? It's very clear what you're doing, but that was not the way to do it.

Also if you're not going for the comedy route, your tone isn't really conveying it well. I was partially joking with the Touma bit. I don't know, it just feels pretty eye roll sometimes. We get it, he's supposed to be misfortunate, and you're showing it decently enough, but you're overdoing it.

I'll change it, thank you.
And yes, that was a reference to Touma since he's commonly associated with misfortune, one of the main parts of this story.
At the end, that idea had come from when I was reading web novels. I saw a few do the same thing since my MC wouldn't know the spark ignited.
What about this?

Chapter
“Ah, such misfortune!”

I had spilled my cup of noodles on my lap.

I jumped out of my seat, the burning sensation of hot water on my legs.

I tried to rub it off with my hands, but I stepped on a game controller, tripping myself, and hitting my back on the floor.

“AH! Ssssssssssss.”

Shaking on the floor, I recalled where I was living, covering my mouth while listening…

…thank goodness he isn’t awake. I don’t want him to come in here.

I slowly got up, rubbing my back to ease the tingling.

I observed the ground to make sure I didn’t trip on anything else, and changed into a new set of clothes, the only clean ones I still had.

My room was very messy, with two trash bins full of trash and flies.

A messy blanket unfolded, and a pillowcase not cleaned for two weeks.

These were the cons of living fairly broke without much room, but I was grateful to have the bare minimum.

Taking a seat at my desk, I turned on my computer, which had been through a lot.

Too much, in fact.

All thanks to me.

It would constantly fall over thanks to my stupidity and terrible luck.

Sometimes it was because I hit it too hard, which made it fall over, other times I accidentally threw something at it.

“...come on.”

My computer refused to turn on.

“God damn it!”

“SHUT UP!”

My father yelled from the living room and my heart raced, the sound of my father’s voice activating a danger signal.

Smacking the side of my computer over and over, it finally turned on, but it fell over, hitting the ground.

“...”

I grabbed it, taking my time to lift it slowly so that it didn’t slip from my fingers.

Commonly, it always slipped, doing more damage if such a thing ever happened.

And after my father’s yelling, I didn’t want to deal with that again.

Thankfully, I managed to get it on the desk without worry, catching it before it slipped again.

Taking a seat, I fixed any wires that may have gotten tangled, forced to unplug some and fix them back.

Finally, I was free to relax, opening Microsoft Edge.

“What!? No!”

I had lost all my tabs.

The function to restore my tabs didn’t show up.

I had so much on those tabs.

Games I wanted to download and websites I wanted to work on.

I barely remembered the names because of how many I needed to find.

Even websites that were said to show the way to increase one's luck.

It was already unbearable enough to live life full of calamity, to not even be able to walk down the street without the threat of death, to not just be normal without something terrible happening.

Sometimes I wondered if I was cursed by Murphy's Law.

That whatever divine beings that existed just hated me for some reason.

At this point, I would have just thrown everything, destroyed it all, tore it all down, yet it didn’t.

I was patient.

This was my life.

I had been dealing with this all my life.

But even in this calamity, I still had some things, small, but worth living for.

Like my game.

“I’ll just play World of the Wild.”

It was a famous RPG game that I usually played during my free time, although I had a lot of free time.

After all, today I turned 18.

Today is also my first day out after graduation.

I never had friends since people always saw how bad things happened when around me.

Even teachers stayed away from me, fearing my existence.

But that didn’t matter anymore.

I was free, allowed to live a life outside of school.

Taking my headphones from my bed, they had a lot of tape holding it together.

They always kept falling off my head, causing it to hit various things like my bed and chair, which damaged it a lot over the months.

“Okay, are there any events going on?”

Opening the game, no events were currently happening, which was unfortunate, but not the end of the world.

Pressing the Enter key caused it to pop off.

“...”

I didn’t even look at it.

I knew what happened, and it didn’t surprise me.

This had happened already, 7 times to be exact.

I had spent the rest of the day playing the game, my luck in the gutter of hell.

All CRIT Rates failed, any status ailments I tried failed all the time, the bosses dodged my attacks most of the time, and only one boss had fallen to me, and it wasn't even luck, just a pure, raw attack with no plan in mind.

I’m not even sure why I still played this game.

I obviously did the worst in the game.

So much so, even the game rewarded me for being so trash.

Getting a trophy for failing a CRIT Rate 200 times in a row.

I’m not even sure if I was sitting in front of this screen the entire day, but it felt like night had approached in a flash.

Looking outside, I could see the bright moon and for a moment, just a moment, I felt like something was watching me.

“...”

Turning my head to the door, it was slightly creaked open.

Why is it open? Did I leave it open?

Walking over to the door, right when I was about to close it, I’m not even sure what happened, but I could have sworn I heard a whisper.

“...!!”

Opening the door, I peeked into the corridor, but there was nothing.

“...”

I had no words, but it could have been nothing.

After all, the darkness tended to invoke things in people.

Turning off my computer, I jumped in bed, looking out the window in silence.

“...I really hope things get better from here on out.”

Closing my eyes, I had drifted into slumber, yet fate had other plans.

On my hand, a red mark appeared, and I would disappear from my bed, leaving behind the room that was once my home.

Unknown to me, whether it was luck or dodged misfortune, the computer had finally given up, smoking.

 

[MellynaYanou]

In term of content it's a nice prologue. The computer finally breaking was quite comic. The last two sentences are a bit too omniscient for a 1st POV but I guess it's a trick to wanted to use as forshadowing?

Now for the form...

I think you should pool some sentences together in paragraphs, espcially the ones that are about the same subject. There are too many single short lines and no reason for it. I understand the use of single line for critical thoughts, actions. But most of the time it's just painful to read it smoothly my eyes are always stopped to go back in the line bellow.

This is tricky, there is a thin balance between too big and too thin paragraphs, but your sentences are quite short, you won't have too much density issue.

Don't be shy using punctuation other that the dot and the comma. You're in 1st POV, take advantage to use exclamation point and question mark in the narrative. To give it a bit of life. Because right now beside the dialogues, it's a bit monotonous to read his thoughts. Add it to the single lines, I feel like a robot talking

Another suggestion to help the reader with the flow: read your text out loud, detect the flow issue, and fix it accordingly ;)