Possible Story Reorganizations (Asking for Feedback)

[TheEldritchGod]

I have a problem with one story. The beginning is a bit too... brutal for some people's tastes. Like 19 chapters of the MC getting beaten down. I kill his wife, his daughter, I kill his entire squad of men. I drop him in a situation he isn't prepared for and he makes all the wrong choices.

Then Charity Shows Up In Chapter 20.

Chapter 20 is where everything starts to turn around, but, for most people, it's too much. They give up by chapter 8, and trust me, in ch 9 the MC hangs himself, so, if they are quitting at chapter 8, OH BOY, asking them to read a little further ain't going to fix things.

However...

I have been thinking about moving chapter 20 to the beginning.

Start WITH chapter 20, with some minor improvements, as a cold open. THEN jump right in on Beating my MC into the GROUND.

So, it will require you to read the following:

Chapter 20: This is Sweet and Uplifting. I promise.

But, after reading that, do you think you could better withstand the next 19 chapters of 'MC HAS WORST WEEK OF HIS LIFE'. Because... I can't cut any of that week. EVERYTHING comes back. Hell. I'm just now, 100 chapters in, getting to the point where the sword he tossed into the bushes finally comes back into the story. Yes, I'm that crazy.

So I'd love your opinion. Moving chapter 20 to the beginning decreases the impact of the worst week in the MC's life, but maybe people will actually read it. Not sure.

Do you think chapter 20 could serve as a cold open? Let me know.

 

[RepresentingWrath]

No.

 

[LilRora]

It sure can serve as a cold open, the question is if you want it to. It will definitely make less people drop the story if they have some hope.

But, to be honest, I wouldn't say it decreses the impact of the worst week, at least not by much. I haven't read those first 19 chapters so I might be a little off, but I'd say that it would serve a similar purpose as the short POVs of different characters like gods or observers that give readers a wider picture of the events. Like a warning, or foreshadowing, that don't mention anything specific, but tell readers that something is gonna happen and there's something more to the events than what the mc sees - which is often used to advance plot forward, and gives meaning to what's happening.

If it was me writing the story, I think I would only drop a couple hints that things are going to change significantly. For example put a short scene of Ryan standing somewhere and talking to himself about the past.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

It sure can serve as a cold open, the question is if you want it to. It will definitely make less people drop the story if they have some hope.

But, to be honest, I wouldn't say it decreses the impact of the worst week, at least not by much. I haven't read those first 19 chapters so I might be a little off, but I'd say that it would serve a similar purpose as the short POVs of different characters like gods or observers that give readers a wider picture of the events. Like a warning, or foreshadowing, that don't mention anything specific, but tell readers that something is gonna happen and there's something more to the events than what the mc sees - which is often used to advance plot forward, and gives meaning to what's happening.

If it was me writing the story, I think I would only drop a couple hints that things are going to change significantly. For example put a short scene of Ryan standing somewhere and talking to himself about the past.

Huh. Now there's something I didn't consider. I could start with the Cosmic War itself and have one of the gods opening with an 'After Action Report' The problem is, that doesn't come back up for... well... 200 chapters or so? Seems like a bit of a tease.

 

[melchi]

I read the chapter and my impression was mostly "Huh?"

It brought a lot of questions: Who is Ryan? Who is Charity? Where are they? How was Ryan hurting the people he cared about?

If my first introduction to the story was that chapter I would likely drop it because the story was too hard to follow.

 

[AiLovesToGrow]

I recommend reading the Book Of Job. The journey leads through trials, trials build tension, tension is relieved with catharsis. If you start with the catharsis, the journey lacks tension.