Please review my novel "Naruto: True World"

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Hello Everyone , I am a new author. I am looking to network with some authors. I have started a new novel and am looking for some people who have some spare time to review it. The novel's name is , "Naruto: True World". Please review and share your honest thoughts. It is my first novel and my first attempt.

 

Nolff

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That is... A fanfic.

Also, the beta reviewers here don't really have much time. I'm not a beta reviewer though, so I think I'll try skim through and give some feedbacks.
 

Alski

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Please review and share your honest thoughts.
 

CharlesEBrown

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Does this require familiarity with Naruto to appreciate? If so, count me out. Saw two episodes, about a year apart, and that is as close as I've ever come to watching the show.
 
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Does this require familiarity with Naruto to appreciate? If so, count me out. Saw two episodes, about a year apart, and that is as close as I've ever come to watching the show.
No, you can pretty much understand it, even if you havent watched Naruto
I like Naruto, but I don't really read fanfiction due to its masterbatory nature.
Um, I am not planning on Smut in the novel and I still haven't introduced any love interests or any concept of harem. SO, you can probably see where this is going. It has 29 completed chapters and if you have some spare time, please do a review. Thanks
 

TheIcMan

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Um, I am not planning on Smut in the novel and I still haven't introduced any love interests or any concept of harem. SO, you can probably see where this is going. It has 29 completed chapters and if you have some spare time, please do a review. Thanks
Masturbatory as in fanfics may tend to have a lot of “look at these characters and this world, super cool!!” type of vibe instead of telling a story.

Anyway, I had enough time to read one chapter, so here goes.

I think the technical writing is decent. Grammar, flow, and syntax are good enough.

The issue is with the content. Personally I cringed very hard at the “I’m average” stuff. Average people don’t say that lmao. But if you wanted to get that point across, don’t say it in that way. Show it through the character going through the motions of his average day.

Dialogue and “character” intros are weak. Hamid appeared from thin air. If I’m calling someone “bro”, I am not saying “shall we”. The relationship seems non existent. If they’re friends they could say “Yo, let’s hit up the usual place” or something.

And I know what you’re doing, showing the routine, but this is the first chapter. I need something unique to read more. Who is the main character, I know he’s average, but what will make him stand out to be the main character? What will the plot be? First chapters are important, and what we got was filler.

Try to get the plot going, set the direction, and introduce the characters.
 
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Masturbatory as in fanfics may tend to have a lot of “look at these characters and this world, super cool!!” type of vibe instead of telling a story.

Anyway, I had enough time to read one chapter, so here goes.

I think the technical writing is decent. Grammar, flow, and syntax are good enough.

The issue is with the content. Personally I cringed very hard at the “I’m average” stuff. Average people don’t say that lmao. But if you wanted to get that point across, don’t say it in that way. Show it through the character going through the motions of his average day.

Dialogue and “character” intros are weak. Hamid appeared from thin air. If I’m calling someone “bro”, I am not saying “shall we”. The relationship seems non existent. If they’re friends they could say “Yo, let’s hit up the usual place” or something.

And I know what you’re doing, showing the routine, but this is the first chapter. I need something unique to read more. Who is the main character, I know he’s average, but what will make him stand out to be the main character? What will the plot be? First chapters are important, and what we got was filler.

Try to get the plot going, set the direction, and introduce the characters.
Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate this review. I don't know if I said in the previous comment or not. The first ten chapters are a bit silly in the Story and I plan to rewrite and edit them in the future. Can you read till Chapter 30 as the novel's writing style changes drastically and gradually gains improvement? I want to get an opinion on my current writing. Like from chapters 25-30. But you would also have to read the earlier ones as well, to get the general picture, if you want.
If you have some time, please give it a read further and suggest some improvements.

Thanks for your efforts.
 
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