Um, I am not planning on Smut in the novel and I still haven't introduced any love interests or any concept of harem. SO, you can probably see where this is going. It has 29 completed chapters and if you have some spare time, please do a review. Thanks
Masturbatory as in fanfics may tend to have a lot of “look at these characters and this world, super cool!!” type of vibe instead of telling a story.
Anyway, I had enough time to read one chapter, so here goes.
I think the technical writing is decent. Grammar, flow, and syntax are good enough.
The issue is with the content. Personally I cringed very hard at the “I’m average” stuff. Average people don’t say that lmao. But if you wanted to get that point across, don’t say it in that way. Show it through the character going through the motions of his average day.
Dialogue and “character” intros are weak. Hamid appeared from thin air. If I’m calling someone “bro”, I am
not saying “shall we”. The relationship seems non existent. If they’re friends they could say “Yo, let’s hit up the usual place” or something.
And I know what you’re doing, showing the routine, but this is the first chapter. I need something unique to read more. Who is the main character, I know he’s average, but what will make him stand out to be the main character? What will the plot be? First chapters are important, and what we got was filler.
Try to get the plot going, set the direction, and introduce the characters.
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