Please if you can provide feedback or criticism for my first fan-fiction

[ContemporaryGrapefruit]

Recently I read a manga called "Girls Last Tour" and it pretty much put me in an emotional rollercoaster, as the two protagonists are super relatable and sweetest things ever. Recent events in my life pretty much brought me down and I took to writing a fan story after the events of the ending of the manga and this is actually my first story ever :)

I hope you can tell me your feedback or criticism for it

Thanks.

Girls’ Next Tour (Girls’ Last Tour Fan-Sequel)

Following the day after they reached the top of the world, Chito and Yuuri are faced with a life or death decision as they decide to journey towards the center of the mysterious layer. SPOILER ALERT: The story continues right after the ending of the Girls Last Tour / Shoujo Shuumatsu...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[ContemporaryGrapefruit]

I finished my story last week, it's up to 80000+ words and it's the first novel I've ever written.
Still, Feedback and Criticism always appreciated it anyone wants to check it out :)