Otaku Novelist who that wants to make an anime!

LupoDiNotte

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Jul 22, 2020
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Hey everyone!
I go by Lupo and I’m new to the forums but a long time fiction writer. I’ve recently begun sharing my latest light novel on these locations and would love to hear your guys’ thoughts on what’s out so far! Feel free to use whichever platform is most comfy for you! Please, I encourage comments ratings and reviews! Let me know what you like or don’t like! If it’s boring, or if it leaves you wanting more! An artist from Tor, On just peddling his wares~ Tons of updates to come! Ill leave the full blurb below!

Ps. Im gonna release another chapter with this post as token of friendship! Check it out and express your feelings!!

For six long generations war, waged in the lands of Adora Halfryta. It all began during the reign of 2nd Cleric. With the passing of the Temple's edict - The colonies across the continents of Halfryta, fought. In order to establish their own power, dominion, territories & place in history, for six generations honourable battle raged across these holy lands. In the face of the Holy Temple, and its' counter part Halfryta's Scions, it would be after the fighting that the lords of Halfryta fully emerged a third ruling faction. This happened when the fighting was brought to an end by 6th generation Scion, bearer of fire, Azure King Aohd Egan. Few non-human settlements remain in open sight near civilization after experiencing much indiscriminate torment. Peace came at a cost. Eight years since the end of The Lords' War: the divide between the Adora Temple, The Lords, and The Scions is clearer than ever. Now, King Aohd's son Marise Egan, the soon to be crowned, 7th generation scion of fire and his friends must find for themselves destiny is choice as is truth. The stench of chaos lingers still, and it is why the scions exist. Has a new age of order truly begun? Or will chaos tip the scales yet? Only The Goddess Halfryta knows.

Follow the journey of 7th generation scions Marise Egan, Eurus Clover, Maralah Clover, and Fenris Benebarakk in their early youth as they learn and grow together at Adora Templum, the temple monastery and a home and school to believers and followers the Goddess Adora and her teachings, following their coronation as bearers of the scions’ duty learning live with their new-found powers.

Journey with young Fenris as he settles the deep inner conflicts between his conscience and his obligation to his family and nation. Torn by the actions of his father, a powerful and violent king in support of seceding from the holy teachings – siding with the lords seeking to militarize the whole continental world on the heels of the Lord’s War. Fenris, a boy far too mature for his age tasked too early with drawing the line between personal duty, and destiny – while participating both in campaigns of war, and teachings of peace.

(lupodinotte.com coming soon) For now check it out:

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/148782/legends-of-adora-halfryta/
 

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LostLibrarian

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I'll be that annoying guy who doesn't even comment on the content of the chapters, but the first thing that screams "Don't read me!" in my face are the long paragraphs.

A 15 row long paragraph in your blurb and a 19 row long paragraph in the prologue. That just thrusts "hard to read infodump" in my face and I don't even have the motivation to read the words itself.


Again, nothing against the content itself, but that's a high barrier to jump over, especially in a blurb/prologue. That should be short and precise information to get the user into the flow and not a massive headache, where one has to mark lines to not lose track...



Mostly a subjective feeling, but a nice presentation and easy to follow short paragraphs allow for a better entry to your series... long walls of text might put off readers, especially if you try to emulate the more common web-/light novel writing...
 

EternalSunset0

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I'll be that annoying guy who doesn't even comment on the content of the chapters, but the first thing that screams "Don't read me!" in my face are the long paragraphs.

A 15 row long paragraph in your blurb and a 19 row long paragraph in the prologue. That just thrusts "hard to read infodump" in my face and I don't even have the motivation to read the words itself.


Again, nothing against the content itself, but that's a high barrier to jump over, especially in a blurb/prologue. That should be short and precise information to get the user into the flow and not a massive headache, where one has to mark lines to not lose track...



Mostly a subjective feeling, but a nice presentation and easy to follow short paragraphs allow for a better entry to your series... long walls of text might put off readers, especially if you try to emulate the more common web-/light novel writing...

I second the comment on the long paragraphs. I would actually rather read the work of someone who linebreaks often than stare at a huge wall of text. I have yet to read the content, and I'll try to give a more comprehensive feedback later, but as of now, the formatting is a bit of a killer in motivation to read.
 

LupoDiNotte

Active member
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
4
Points
41
I'll be that annoying guy who doesn't even comment on the content of the chapters, but the first thing that screams "Don't read me!" in my face are the long paragraphs.

A 15 row long paragraph in your blurb and a 19 row long paragraph in the prologue. That just thrusts "hard to read infodump" in my face and I don't even have the motivation to read the words itself.


Again, nothing against the content itself, but that's a high barrier to jump over, especially in a blurb/prologue. That should be short and precise information to get the user into the flow and not a massive headache, where one has to mark lines to not lose track...



Mostly a subjective feeling, but a nice presentation and easy to follow short paragraphs allow for a better entry to your series... long walls of text might put off readers, especially if you try to emulate the more common web-/light novel writing...
thanks for this feedback! i'll definitely look into it
 

LupoDiNotte

Active member
Joined
Jul 22, 2020
Messages
4
Points
41
I second the comment on the long paragraphs. I would actually rather read the work of someone who linebreaks often than stare at a huge wall of text. I have yet to read the content, and I'll try to give a more comprehensive feedback later, but as of now, the formatting is a bit of a killer in motivation to read.
appreciate the feedback
 
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