Opinions for the Reboot’s Prologue

[J_Win]

I used this website for about a year ago I think and I posted the first iteration of my story which you can call as a prototype or alpha version of it

Anyway, I got some feedbacks. The people here are very objective and while it hurts a bit to realize my priorities are not set, they eventually made me push to do better. Shoutout to those people btw! If ya’ll remember me and my messy story, you can make your presence be known so I can thank you once more!

That aside, I made a reboot and need some opinion about the prologue! Seeking beta readers are hard so I’ll upload my proper manuscript (or at least I tried to be proper this time) here for all to see!

Advance thank you for wasting your time to review my story. You just made me happy man

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1476914/lost-souls-escapades-web-novel-release-reboot/

 

[TheIcMan]

Please for the love of god don’t start your first chapter with a long author’s note setting ground rules for the story AND maps and flags of not yet relevant nations I know this isn’t a real, official publishing website, but people still come in for a similar feeling. And getting front-loaded by all of this info is not confidence-inspiring.

I dunno if other people are into that but, as you can tell, I’m not. Since I wrote this I might as well read it in earnest and add actual thoughts later.

 

[J_Win]

Please for the love of god don’t start your first chapter with a long author’s note setting ground rules for the story AND maps and flags of not yet relevant nations I know this isn’t a real, official publishing website, but people still come in for a similar feeling. And getting front-loaded by all of this info is not confidence-inspiring.

I dunno if other people are into that but, as you can tell, I’m not. Since I wrote this I might as well read it in earnest and add actual thoughts later.

Oh yeah, sorry about that, dawg, I should transfer it to the legit first chapter ?

I forgor it's still the prologue, thanks

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Oh yeah, sorry about that, dawg, I should transfer it to the legit first chapter ?

Actually there is a Glossary section that is ideal for that kind of stuff.

 

[J_Win]

Actually there is a Glossary section that is ideal for that kind of stuff.

I actually didn't know that... Huh. I checked it out. You're right. My bad y'all ??

Thanks for putting aside some time for this post, y'all. You might not even read my stuff, but giving tips for me here is really appreciated (I might go freaky and kiss y'all)

 

[TheIcMan]

Well uh, you’re probably not gonna like this, but I honestly see little wrong with your prose lol. Just some nitpicky stuff. Scene setting, descriptions, and introductions are nice.

But the dialogue at the end feels a little weird. It’s too on the nose. It feels less like a character talking and more like you the author prompting the mc’s backstory and thoughts. I am all for dialogue. But in this instance I think another prompt would make it flow easier. It would also help to get the mc’s name at the end of it.

 

[J_Win]

Well uh, you’re probably not gonna like this, but I honestly see little wrong with your prose lol. Just some nitpicky stuff. Scene setting, descriptions, and introductions are nice.

But the dialogue at the end feels a little weird. It’s too on the nose. It feels less like a character talking and more like you the author prompting the mc’s backstory and thoughts. I am all for dialogue. But in this instance I think another prompt would make it flow easier. It would also help to get the mc’s name at the end of it.

The MCs name is actually given on the middle part of first chapter and my goal with the prologue is to just set the mood. Kind of like the Eighty-Six's prologue. To give a peek and to set expectations

But yeah, dialogue is not my strong suit so I can see that being the problem. I'll try to fix it and try to insert na mc's name. Thanks random person ?

(Also, I made this post to receive opinions so I cannot "not like" what y'all have to say. The fact y'all gave time for this is very huge to begin with)