Well, we all know that feeling right? When we start to dislike our earlier chapters, or want to improve them. Maybe you got some criticism saying that there wasn't enough style or personality. So what do you do then? Do you go back to the earlier chapters and rewrite them, even though that means that you'll have to change some things? Or will you continue to roll with it and improve your later chapters, even though that means people might not like it from the earlier chapters?
That was what I've been thinking about, and I've been on the fence on whether I should rewrite my story or not. I have basically rewrote the second chapter of my story and was thinking if it was better or worse than the first.
Here I'll post it now and see for yourself if it's good or not
(Warning it is very long)
My vision was completely dark, there was nothing I could see. Where was I? And more importantly. How can I leave?! Was i kidnapped by someone? I can't believe that they kidnapped a baby like me. I mean I was just born, have some mercy man.
I try to move so I can leave this place, ow! What is that? Hm? It's solid? So is this a wall or something? Hey, let me out! I push against it to try and break out. Surprisingly, the wall had bust and I actually managed to exit.
Freedom! Wait, this scenery around me. Is this place a cave?! Did these kidnappers throw me into a cave?! Suddenly, a small yellow scaly hand comes into my view.
N-No way. N-No freaking way!
C-C-Calm down Lisa, this is just a bad dream, oh yeah. It's definitely a dream.
Like hell it is! Its almost too much for me to believe, but... I think I was reborn as a lizard! Come on, reincarnating someone named lisa as a lizard isn't funny, god.
Ok, ok, I just need to know where I am, I get the rest of my body outside of the egg, ow, I couldn't break the sides of the egg so I had to exit from the top of it, I see that the egg was covered in webs from its sides, it's either that lizards put webs around their eggs, or that something was here. I awkwardly move forward after leaving the egg and see that there was a ledge, when I look down from the ledge. I see a sight that was complete nightmare fuel.
Spiders, there were spiders everywhere. These spiders were scurrying around the place, there must've been hundreds or thousands of them. Giant black hairy spiders were everywhere, I could only look at that sight in horror. W-What am I supposed to do?! Fight them? No, that's impossible, I wasn't a soldier or anything like that. I wasn't even a brave girl, I couldn't talk to others very well, let alone fight an army of giant spiders!
Please god, don't let them find me, if I'm found it's over for me. I stay there next to my hatched egg, waiting and waiting. My stomach starts grumbling as I was watching the spiders.
The spiders were tearing up and cutting any living being in this cave, some were even killing each other. Oh god. This is ridiculously terrifying!
[Skill "Fear resistance" lv. 1 was added.]
Dumbstruck, I saw this message appear before my face, a level? Is this world some kind of RPG? What the hell?! I mean god did say that a world based on my memory was created. I thought it was exaggeration, I'm sorry god! I'll be more pious next time, just let me out of this hell! I don't even remember what I did!
Suddenly, I see something even more frightening than those spiders, a giant spider. One that was half as tall as this cave, and was extremely wide... compared to my size, I was smaller than a mouse is to a human.
Oh crap, oh crap! What am I supposed to do here?! This thing is an insane monster! At its height, it is definitely going to see me. I was trembling and feeling my breathing quicken, my heart was about to beat out of my chest.
["Fear resistance" leveled up to lv. 2]
This is no time to be scared Lisa, if you stay scared. Then you'll die. I need to think critically at what I need to do. I desperately look around over the sea of spiders, I see that dozens of them were moving into tunnels that were connected to this cave.
I look around trying to find a singular exit from this hell. In my peripheral vision, I see that one particularly large tunnel was filled with fire. Spiders had come out running from it back here, setting the nearby webs on fire.
Dumbfounded, I look towards the cave where the fire had erupted from. After the fire had burnt out, 12 people had come in here. 10 of them were wearing good looking armor that looked like a uniform, but the man in the front had worn the best looking armor out of them all, he carried with him a sword that was larger than himself. And the final man was wearing robes.
From the looks of it, these people were planning to fight that monster. But how can they fight such a monster?! Anyways, go on hero! Defeat the monster and save the princess. Wait a moment.
Hero= monster killer.
Me= lizard-like monster.
Agh no! Does that mean that he'll kill me regardless of what happens?! My heart was racing even faster with that revelation.
The giant spider roars upon seeing the hero, some of the men with him had recoiled back from that roar. A moment passes and then the spider rushes them.
The hero jumps around it and swings his blade in the air, damaging a part of the spider despite them not touching each other.
The other men spread around the area as the spider changes focus onto the hero. The other remaining man was standing there. Doing something that I didn't know.
The hero moves quickly around the spider, never staying in the same place and attacking from both long and close range, the spider strikes at every place where he was at, kicking up a dust storm and rumbling the entire cave, the other men would fire these invisible slashes from there swords at the spider too, with a bit of them missing and hitting the walls of the cave of killing several stray spiders. With this level of battle, I was gonna get killed by a stray attack!
My heart was rumbling even faster, and I felt sick in the stomach. If I am this scared, how will I live? Come on Lisa! You can do this! I just need to find an exit somewhere.
I look around the place for any exit that could be here, and I see that there was one tunnel, that had no spiders going through it. Despite the spiders abandoning the place at a rapid pace. I just need to get to it, then I'll be safe.
On the ledge, I face towards the tunnel, then I carefully start going down it. But the rumbling of the cave had caused me to fall down. Ow! I look toward the spider and I see that the man that was not moving had prepared something amazing. A giant fireball was floating above his head. Oh my god! He was a magician?! But if he fires it then I'll also be toast! I start running towards the tunnel, spiders were trying to nab at me while I was running.
When I look behind me, I see the large spider piercing one of the men with its legs, I feel my heart falling into my stomach and as if time had stopped when I see that, he had a giant hole through his armor and chest. The spider lifted him up and then brought it over to its mouth.
I turn my head away before I see what it was about to do, my stomach now no longer feeling hungry, in fact, I couldn't feel it anymore.
I go inside the tunnel, feeling the rumbling all the way from inside here. I continue running deeper into it just to get away from there, you have my prayers hero.
I finally pause running when I start panting too heavily to continue running, my stomach grumbles the moment I take a break to rest.
This... this is... I just don't know what to think or how to feel about this. But there is nothing that can be done about it, so I'll not think about it, and focus on the more important aspect.
This is one strange world, it's obvious that I'm not on earth anymore, and I'm also not human. The people here have magical abilities and can fight monsters many times larger than them, plus there are skills.
Isn't this like an RPG? I did like those games, but isn't it a bit extreme to have it in real life? I mean, the best way to progress in those games, was to die over and over again. But I don't want to die!
Okay, I just need to find the stats menu, if this was an RPG then there has to be a status, right? Ok, here goes. [Status!]
And nothing happened, maybe that wasn't the keyword? Ok, [Analyze!] [Inspect!] [Appraisal!]
[Would you like to obtain "Appraisal" for 1 point]
Oh! So there is something like that. Well, 1 point isn't very much right? So I can get this safely, right? Ok, my answer is a yes of course.
[Skill "Appraisal" lv. 1 was added.]
Somehow, even though this place is frightening, seeing myself obtaining a skill like that was pretty heart pumping, haha, I guess my conquest for invincibility begins now! That really helped me since my trembling had finally stopped and my focus was removed from the spider cavern.
Well, now I better use Appraisal on myself now that I was feeling better.
[Lisa]
Status: alive.
Excuse me? That's it? No no no, that can't be. Why would you give me a skill that is useless? Uuuuu, now I'm mad! What the hell was that for?! Hah, I should have expected that, it was only one point after all.
While I was busy with that, I heard steps coming from the direction of the spider cavern, I froze upon hearing that sound. So there was a monster that is coming towards me? How am I supposed to fight it?! I'm just a girl and not a soldier or anything, I can't fight something like that!
Before I decided to start running away, I caught sight of what was there, it was a spider that was on fire. Walking slowly before falling down and turning over, seemingly dead.
Phew, it was just a dead spider, I'm lucky that it wasn't anything more deadly.
My stomach was grumbling louder when the spider appeared. Did I want to? No, that's impossible. I will not eat a burnt spider for God's sake.
So now, what will I do? I need to find some food if I want to live, well, there was nothing in here, so I might as well head deeper into the tunnel.
Fingers crossed for a restaurant, hah, just kidding, not like there'll be one down here.
I eventually reach the end, the tunnel had connected into a really large cave, when I go out there, I see more scenery from hell.
Tons of monsters were fighting each other, frogs were fighting giant centipedes. Masked weasel-like things were fighting giant four winged bats.
I quickly retreat back into the tunnel after seeing that, there was no way I was gonna be fighting all those monsters out there. I go away from that side of the tunnel and I eventually return to the place with the spider corpse.
So, on one side we have the spider nest, and on the other we have a monster cave. Isn't this a checkmate? Yeah, no, they might as well add some freaking lava sharks as well. Y'know, even joking about this situation is hard, this is really dire. And my stomach is about to kill me, the place is also getting really foggy for some reason, and I can't think clearly with all this hunger.
... fine, I'll do it... don't worry Lisa, it might taste better than it looks.
I walk over to that burnt spider, then I put my head close to it, the smell was terrible. And the sight was horrific. I close my eyes, then I take a bite out of it. I nearly puke when I eat that, but I force myself to finish it.
[1 evolutionary point was added.]
I finished eating that entire spider, my mind was now at its limit after doing that. I need to cool down in one way or another. Ugh, might as well drink some bleach to wash down this spider... heh, that kind of made me feel better.
Now, let's look at any positives here, I also got an evolutionary point from that, I don't know what it does, but if it's like skill points, then it's sure to be useful.
[Skill "Discomfort resistance" lv. 1 was added.]
The terrible feeling I was having had lightened slightly after getting this skill, thanks system, I really needed that.
While I was resting, I heard more steps coming towards me, this time, it wasn't from the spiders. This means that it won't be dead by the time it comes here. This monster has me cornered now, I can't run away from this battle or I'll end up in the spiders nest. I need to win this battle if I want to survive here.
A giant purple frog comes jumping from around the corner, the instant it sees me, it jumps even faster towards me.
Breathing quickly, I face the frog, trying my hardest not to run away. The frog stops before it got too close to me, then fired its tongue at me. I didn't expect it and was shot in my chest, I get thrown backwards by the shock of that attack and feel blood in my mouth.
I felt faint and sick from that, but I needed to force myself if I wanted to live. As the frog goes in for another tongue attack, I manage to dodge its tongue. Then I start running towards the frog, it jumps back as I get closer to it and returns its tongue.
The frog fires its tongue at me again, hitting me in the foot and nearly stopping me from the pain, but I can't stop now. If I do, it'll be the end for me.
[Skill "Hard-willed" lv. 1 was added.]
The frog tries to get its tongue back after the near miss that happened to it, but I was too close to it, and as it got it's tongue back. I was there to attack it, with one of my claws, I go for its eyes as I was passing through. My claws sink into its eyes and the frog starts flailing, it was jumping all over the place and thrashing its tongue around. I turn around it and then climb on it from behind, biting and scratching it with all my might, even though its skin was very tough and I couldn't attack it very well, I stayed on top of it trying my hardest to kill it.
The frog flailed to try and get me off of it, by slamming it's back into the wall countless times, I nearly lost conciousness from all of that. But I persevered, and the frog was slowly struggling less and less, until finally. It had dropped.
[11 Exp was added.]
[Lisa leveled up to lv. 2]
[Stats increased]
[3 skill points were added.]
It had finally ended, I get away from the frog. I was covered head-to-toe in blood, but I didn't feel any pain anymore. Thank god, this has to be the most stressful situation throughout my two lives, I wonder if I'll ever get used to it?
But what was important here, was the game-like level up after beating that frog. It was strange, although I should be frightened, I only feel excited by the level up.
This kind of thing happens only in video games, and although it is terrifying, there is still something heart pumping about it.
Now then, let's get to spending these skill points.
That was what I've been thinking about, and I've been on the fence on whether I should rewrite my story or not. I have basically rewrote the second chapter of my story and was thinking if it was better or worse than the first.
Here I'll post it now and see for yourself if it's good or not
(Warning it is very long)
My vision was completely dark, there was nothing I could see. Where was I? And more importantly. How can I leave?! Was i kidnapped by someone? I can't believe that they kidnapped a baby like me. I mean I was just born, have some mercy man.
I try to move so I can leave this place, ow! What is that? Hm? It's solid? So is this a wall or something? Hey, let me out! I push against it to try and break out. Surprisingly, the wall had bust and I actually managed to exit.
Freedom! Wait, this scenery around me. Is this place a cave?! Did these kidnappers throw me into a cave?! Suddenly, a small yellow scaly hand comes into my view.
N-No way. N-No freaking way!
C-C-Calm down Lisa, this is just a bad dream, oh yeah. It's definitely a dream.
Like hell it is! Its almost too much for me to believe, but... I think I was reborn as a lizard! Come on, reincarnating someone named lisa as a lizard isn't funny, god.
Ok, ok, I just need to know where I am, I get the rest of my body outside of the egg, ow, I couldn't break the sides of the egg so I had to exit from the top of it, I see that the egg was covered in webs from its sides, it's either that lizards put webs around their eggs, or that something was here. I awkwardly move forward after leaving the egg and see that there was a ledge, when I look down from the ledge. I see a sight that was complete nightmare fuel.
Spiders, there were spiders everywhere. These spiders were scurrying around the place, there must've been hundreds or thousands of them. Giant black hairy spiders were everywhere, I could only look at that sight in horror. W-What am I supposed to do?! Fight them? No, that's impossible, I wasn't a soldier or anything like that. I wasn't even a brave girl, I couldn't talk to others very well, let alone fight an army of giant spiders!
Please god, don't let them find me, if I'm found it's over for me. I stay there next to my hatched egg, waiting and waiting. My stomach starts grumbling as I was watching the spiders.
The spiders were tearing up and cutting any living being in this cave, some were even killing each other. Oh god. This is ridiculously terrifying!
[Skill "Fear resistance" lv. 1 was added.]
Dumbstruck, I saw this message appear before my face, a level? Is this world some kind of RPG? What the hell?! I mean god did say that a world based on my memory was created. I thought it was exaggeration, I'm sorry god! I'll be more pious next time, just let me out of this hell! I don't even remember what I did!
Suddenly, I see something even more frightening than those spiders, a giant spider. One that was half as tall as this cave, and was extremely wide... compared to my size, I was smaller than a mouse is to a human.
Oh crap, oh crap! What am I supposed to do here?! This thing is an insane monster! At its height, it is definitely going to see me. I was trembling and feeling my breathing quicken, my heart was about to beat out of my chest.
["Fear resistance" leveled up to lv. 2]
This is no time to be scared Lisa, if you stay scared. Then you'll die. I need to think critically at what I need to do. I desperately look around over the sea of spiders, I see that dozens of them were moving into tunnels that were connected to this cave.
I look around trying to find a singular exit from this hell. In my peripheral vision, I see that one particularly large tunnel was filled with fire. Spiders had come out running from it back here, setting the nearby webs on fire.
Dumbfounded, I look towards the cave where the fire had erupted from. After the fire had burnt out, 12 people had come in here. 10 of them were wearing good looking armor that looked like a uniform, but the man in the front had worn the best looking armor out of them all, he carried with him a sword that was larger than himself. And the final man was wearing robes.
From the looks of it, these people were planning to fight that monster. But how can they fight such a monster?! Anyways, go on hero! Defeat the monster and save the princess. Wait a moment.
Hero= monster killer.
Me= lizard-like monster.
Agh no! Does that mean that he'll kill me regardless of what happens?! My heart was racing even faster with that revelation.
The giant spider roars upon seeing the hero, some of the men with him had recoiled back from that roar. A moment passes and then the spider rushes them.
The hero jumps around it and swings his blade in the air, damaging a part of the spider despite them not touching each other.
The other men spread around the area as the spider changes focus onto the hero. The other remaining man was standing there. Doing something that I didn't know.
The hero moves quickly around the spider, never staying in the same place and attacking from both long and close range, the spider strikes at every place where he was at, kicking up a dust storm and rumbling the entire cave, the other men would fire these invisible slashes from there swords at the spider too, with a bit of them missing and hitting the walls of the cave of killing several stray spiders. With this level of battle, I was gonna get killed by a stray attack!
My heart was rumbling even faster, and I felt sick in the stomach. If I am this scared, how will I live? Come on Lisa! You can do this! I just need to find an exit somewhere.
I look around the place for any exit that could be here, and I see that there was one tunnel, that had no spiders going through it. Despite the spiders abandoning the place at a rapid pace. I just need to get to it, then I'll be safe.
On the ledge, I face towards the tunnel, then I carefully start going down it. But the rumbling of the cave had caused me to fall down. Ow! I look toward the spider and I see that the man that was not moving had prepared something amazing. A giant fireball was floating above his head. Oh my god! He was a magician?! But if he fires it then I'll also be toast! I start running towards the tunnel, spiders were trying to nab at me while I was running.
When I look behind me, I see the large spider piercing one of the men with its legs, I feel my heart falling into my stomach and as if time had stopped when I see that, he had a giant hole through his armor and chest. The spider lifted him up and then brought it over to its mouth.
I turn my head away before I see what it was about to do, my stomach now no longer feeling hungry, in fact, I couldn't feel it anymore.
I go inside the tunnel, feeling the rumbling all the way from inside here. I continue running deeper into it just to get away from there, you have my prayers hero.
I finally pause running when I start panting too heavily to continue running, my stomach grumbles the moment I take a break to rest.
This... this is... I just don't know what to think or how to feel about this. But there is nothing that can be done about it, so I'll not think about it, and focus on the more important aspect.
This is one strange world, it's obvious that I'm not on earth anymore, and I'm also not human. The people here have magical abilities and can fight monsters many times larger than them, plus there are skills.
Isn't this like an RPG? I did like those games, but isn't it a bit extreme to have it in real life? I mean, the best way to progress in those games, was to die over and over again. But I don't want to die!
Okay, I just need to find the stats menu, if this was an RPG then there has to be a status, right? Ok, here goes. [Status!]
And nothing happened, maybe that wasn't the keyword? Ok, [Analyze!] [Inspect!] [Appraisal!]
[Would you like to obtain "Appraisal" for 1 point]
Oh! So there is something like that. Well, 1 point isn't very much right? So I can get this safely, right? Ok, my answer is a yes of course.
[Skill "Appraisal" lv. 1 was added.]
Somehow, even though this place is frightening, seeing myself obtaining a skill like that was pretty heart pumping, haha, I guess my conquest for invincibility begins now! That really helped me since my trembling had finally stopped and my focus was removed from the spider cavern.
Well, now I better use Appraisal on myself now that I was feeling better.
[Lisa]
Status: alive.
Excuse me? That's it? No no no, that can't be. Why would you give me a skill that is useless? Uuuuu, now I'm mad! What the hell was that for?! Hah, I should have expected that, it was only one point after all.
While I was busy with that, I heard steps coming from the direction of the spider cavern, I froze upon hearing that sound. So there was a monster that is coming towards me? How am I supposed to fight it?! I'm just a girl and not a soldier or anything, I can't fight something like that!
Before I decided to start running away, I caught sight of what was there, it was a spider that was on fire. Walking slowly before falling down and turning over, seemingly dead.
Phew, it was just a dead spider, I'm lucky that it wasn't anything more deadly.
My stomach was grumbling louder when the spider appeared. Did I want to? No, that's impossible. I will not eat a burnt spider for God's sake.
So now, what will I do? I need to find some food if I want to live, well, there was nothing in here, so I might as well head deeper into the tunnel.
Fingers crossed for a restaurant, hah, just kidding, not like there'll be one down here.
I eventually reach the end, the tunnel had connected into a really large cave, when I go out there, I see more scenery from hell.
Tons of monsters were fighting each other, frogs were fighting giant centipedes. Masked weasel-like things were fighting giant four winged bats.
I quickly retreat back into the tunnel after seeing that, there was no way I was gonna be fighting all those monsters out there. I go away from that side of the tunnel and I eventually return to the place with the spider corpse.
So, on one side we have the spider nest, and on the other we have a monster cave. Isn't this a checkmate? Yeah, no, they might as well add some freaking lava sharks as well. Y'know, even joking about this situation is hard, this is really dire. And my stomach is about to kill me, the place is also getting really foggy for some reason, and I can't think clearly with all this hunger.
... fine, I'll do it... don't worry Lisa, it might taste better than it looks.
I walk over to that burnt spider, then I put my head close to it, the smell was terrible. And the sight was horrific. I close my eyes, then I take a bite out of it. I nearly puke when I eat that, but I force myself to finish it.
[1 evolutionary point was added.]
I finished eating that entire spider, my mind was now at its limit after doing that. I need to cool down in one way or another. Ugh, might as well drink some bleach to wash down this spider... heh, that kind of made me feel better.
Now, let's look at any positives here, I also got an evolutionary point from that, I don't know what it does, but if it's like skill points, then it's sure to be useful.
[Skill "Discomfort resistance" lv. 1 was added.]
The terrible feeling I was having had lightened slightly after getting this skill, thanks system, I really needed that.
While I was resting, I heard more steps coming towards me, this time, it wasn't from the spiders. This means that it won't be dead by the time it comes here. This monster has me cornered now, I can't run away from this battle or I'll end up in the spiders nest. I need to win this battle if I want to survive here.
A giant purple frog comes jumping from around the corner, the instant it sees me, it jumps even faster towards me.
Breathing quickly, I face the frog, trying my hardest not to run away. The frog stops before it got too close to me, then fired its tongue at me. I didn't expect it and was shot in my chest, I get thrown backwards by the shock of that attack and feel blood in my mouth.
I felt faint and sick from that, but I needed to force myself if I wanted to live. As the frog goes in for another tongue attack, I manage to dodge its tongue. Then I start running towards the frog, it jumps back as I get closer to it and returns its tongue.
The frog fires its tongue at me again, hitting me in the foot and nearly stopping me from the pain, but I can't stop now. If I do, it'll be the end for me.
[Skill "Hard-willed" lv. 1 was added.]
The frog tries to get its tongue back after the near miss that happened to it, but I was too close to it, and as it got it's tongue back. I was there to attack it, with one of my claws, I go for its eyes as I was passing through. My claws sink into its eyes and the frog starts flailing, it was jumping all over the place and thrashing its tongue around. I turn around it and then climb on it from behind, biting and scratching it with all my might, even though its skin was very tough and I couldn't attack it very well, I stayed on top of it trying my hardest to kill it.
The frog flailed to try and get me off of it, by slamming it's back into the wall countless times, I nearly lost conciousness from all of that. But I persevered, and the frog was slowly struggling less and less, until finally. It had dropped.
[11 Exp was added.]
[Lisa leveled up to lv. 2]
[Stats increased]
[3 skill points were added.]
It had finally ended, I get away from the frog. I was covered head-to-toe in blood, but I didn't feel any pain anymore. Thank god, this has to be the most stressful situation throughout my two lives, I wonder if I'll ever get used to it?
But what was important here, was the game-like level up after beating that frog. It was strange, although I should be frightened, I only feel excited by the level up.
This kind of thing happens only in video games, and although it is terrifying, there is still something heart pumping about it.
Now then, let's get to spending these skill points.
Would you mind sharing the link to your other chapter? That way we can give you some better feedback.
