Oh feedback warriors, grace me with your words

[GodsChosenEmperor]

Honestly it's my first time actually trying to write something after all the years I've chosen to day dream instead. Though I know I'm a total noob but I at least thought why not dip my toes and see how wet they get.



So If you could do me a favor and give me cold hard criticism that does'nt unnecessarily warm my inner bits, it would really do me some good and help me write better stories that people would want to talk about.

Radiant Morning

In the dawn of a new era, legends from previous years past will crawl their way back into the heart of the world of Radaris. The future was made by a past and when that past is covered in the decaying webs of time by those who lost the battle...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[DiabolicalQuill]

I couldn’t get past the synopsis page, so I’ll focus my feedback there. It’s important to remember that writing a story isn’t just about putting words on a page—you’re also selling a product. To sell a product, you need to tell people what it is and why they want—no, need—to buy or read it. Unfortunately, your synopsis completely fails in this regard. Worse, your title and book cover do little to support it.

What is this story about? After reviewing all three elements—the title, cover, and synopsis—all I’ve gathered is that there’s an empire in trouble because of the past. I don’t know how you could be any vaguer. Ninety percent of your synopsis tells me nothing meaningful about the story. Some people believe being vague in a synopsis creates mystery—it doesn’t. It simply provides less information, leaving readers with fewer reasons to care. Just giving me the protagonist’s name without any context tells me nothing about them or why I should care. There’s no hook and no effort to compel readers to pick up your story.

For reference, a synopsis is a brief summary of your story’s main plot, key conflicts, and major characters. Its purpose is to grab the reader’s attention, offering just enough intrigue to make them want to read more. A good synopsis balances clarity with mystery, giving potential readers a reason to invest in your story.

If you address these issues—creating a stronger hook and refining your synopsis—I’d be happy to give it another look to see if it piques my interest.

 

[TheIcMan]

To be fair, making a concise and effective synopsis is extremely difficult lmao

 

[PBJ_Time]

To be fair, making a concise and effective synopsis is extremely difficult lmao

Honestly, I'm more concerned with their "interesting" choice for a book cover. It's surprisingly intriguing, but it doesn't really scream "Radiant Morning" as the title suggests. Like, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel when looking at a corpse of some alien lifeform amidst a desert of eternal nothingness.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Good lord....

In the dawn of a new era, legends from previous years past will crawl their way back into the heart of the world of Radaris. ( A world built upon numerous lies, that propped up frauds as the winners of history)

The future was made by a past and when that past is covered in the decaying webs of time by those who lost the battle beneath it, new unperturbed waves of truth will claw their way to the surface.

Plots that wish to bury the empire in sand to those that intend to sink the whole continent run in the shadows.

Will Lucas succumb to visions of a greater purpose of the past or fall to the delusions of those who wish to create a permanent present, a dystopian present?

Passive voice kills this.
Perhaps:
"It is the dawn of a new era on the world of Radaris. Legends from the past crawl out of the darkness to expose the lies that shaped this world's history.
Plots that could sink entire continents form in the shadows.
Into this morass comes Lucas, a young person given visions of a greater purpose - but are these visions leading him to a bright future, or a dystopian present?"

 

[GodsChosenEmperor]

I couldn’t get past the synopsis page, so I’ll focus my feedback there. It’s important to remember that writing a story isn’t just about putting words on a page—you’re also selling a product. To sell a product, you need to tell people what it is and why they want—no, need—to buy or read it. Unfortunately, your synopsis completely fails in this regard. Worse, your title and book cover do little to support it.

What is this story about? After reviewing all three elements—the title, cover, and synopsis—all I’ve gathered is that there’s an empire in trouble because of the past. I don’t know how you could be any vaguer. Ninety percent of your synopsis tells me nothing meaningful about the story. Some people believe being vague in a synopsis creates mystery—it doesn’t. It simply provides less information, leaving readers with fewer reasons to care. Just giving me the protagonist’s name without any context tells me nothing about them or why I should care. There’s no hook and no effort to compel readers to pick up your story.

For reference, a synopsis is a brief summary of your story’s main plot, key conflicts, and major characters. Its purpose is to grab the reader’s attention, offering just enough intrigue to make them want to read more. A good synopsis balances clarity with mystery, giving potential readers a reason to invest in your story.

If you address these issues—creating a stronger hook and refining your synopsis—I’d be happy to give it another look to see if it piques my interest.

Wow I'm really grateful. I did have the feeling my synopsis was pretty weak, but then at the same time I feel my writing is weak.

If you'd noticed, that's why I tried to cram a few specific details when I'd realized I made a mistake but I was just too lazy to rework it all.

I'll try and fix it and thanks for the feedback

Honestly, I'm more concerned with their "interesting" choice for a book cover. It's surprisingly intriguing, but it doesn't really scream "Radiant Morning" as the title suggests. Like, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel when looking at a corpse of some alien lifeform amidst a desert of eternal nothingness.

Bro would you believe me if I said it's a random cover that came up with a random name in the heat of the moment.

Good lord....


Passive voice kills this.
Perhaps:
"It is the dawn of a new era on the world of Radaris. Legends from the past crawl out of the darkness to expose the lies that shaped this world's history.
Plots that could sink entire continents form in the shadows.
Into this morass comes Lucas, a young person given visions of a greater purpose - but are these visions leading him to a bright future, or a dystopian present?"

Thanks, I was trying to get the feel of something legendary but got something unreadable and not good mysterious.

From what I'm getting your version is more clear and concise and lacks more, I guess filler words that try to make it sound better than it is.

So yeah, thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it.