New writer, need feedback.

[Neemsay]

Hi guys, i am new on the platform and have updated 3 chapters so far. I would love to get some feedbacks on my story. critiques are most welcome.

The Echoes of Forgotten | Scribble Hub

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Posting three nearly identical threads is more likely to get you ignored than to get feedback.
Just saying.

 

[Hsinat]

Hi guys, i am new on the platform and have updated 3 chapters so far. I would love to get some feedbacks on my story. critiques are most welcome.

The Echoes of Forgotten | Scribble Hub

Welcome to Scribble Hub! I hope you have a great time here!
Let's start with your review, shall we?
Your story is intense and engaging, with a strong atmosphere and suspenseful pacing. Elara is a tough, compelling character, and her sharp exchanges with the boss add depth. The ending concludes with a cliffhanger, keeping readers hooked. Slightly trimming descriptions could improve the flow, but overall, it’s a well-written and exciting first chapter. Keep it up!

 

[Neemsay]

Posting three nearly identical threads is more likely to get you ignored than to get feedback.
Just saying.

I know it was a mistake on my part. My thread was not showing the first two times and i didn't get the notification saying my thread is being reviewed. i only got that notification the third time and all three thread showed at the same time. i did try to take two of them down but since i am still getting to know this platform....

 

[TreasureHouse]

Your challenge, should you accept, is to only use 15 butts (but) and 15 asses (as) in your next chapter. I understand you love da cake, BUTT your writing is really suffering from it.

Okay, now slightly more serious—not really

I don't like reading distant stuff like this, so keep that in mind. However, this quick little trimming in a section of chapter one should point in... a direction ? IDK, I'm just another someone trying to get better at writing

Suddenly, the door swung open, making way for a gust of cold air, accompanied by the heavy tread of boots. A massive figure clogged the doorway, his presence almost too large for the cramped space. Carrying himself with the confidence of His sharp eyes swept over the girl like she was nothing more than a broken tool, and knew he had nothing to fear from his surroundings,.

"Is she awake?" he muttered, stepping closer to take a better look.

The girl shifted, noticing the man coming closer to her. She tilted her head to meet the man's gaze. Her eyes, a startling shade of turquoise blue, gleamed like fractured ice in the flickering light, unyielding despite the pain etched into her features.

"You have caused us a lot of trouble," he said, crouching until his face was level with hers. His breath was sour, but she didn't flinch. "Five of my men won't walk straight for weeks. Fenn's still spitting teeth while Derick's nose is bent at a strange angle. You must be proud of yourself."

The girl's lips twitched- not quite a smile, but close enough to make his expression darken.

"Not proud," she said, her voice hoarse but steady. "Disappointed. Twenty men and none of you could do the job right."


"Keep talking, girl," he growled. "The boss won't care what shape you're in when he gets here."
The corners of her mouth twitched. "Not Proud," she said smirking, her voice hoarse. "Disappointed. Twenty men and none of you could do the job right."

"Keep talking. Girl." He growled and grabbed her by the neck, raising his free hand, "The boss wont care what shape you're in when he gets here."
The man's fist clenched, and for a moment, she thought he might strike her. Instead, he leaned closer, but the sound of footsteps outside the door caught his attention, and he straightened, muttering something under his breath. Without another word, he turned and left, the door slamming shut behind him.

The moment the door clicked into place, Elara exhaled slowly, immediately testing the ropes that were binding her hands on the armrests of the chair. Her injuries throbbed with every movement, but she welcomed the pain. It was better than the hollow feeling in her chest, the one she had no time to confront right now.

Her gaze flickered to the high window, where the faintest sliver of moonlight seeped through a crack in the boards. The odds weren't in her favor, but they stopped being in her favor since 5 years ago. Elara shook her head slightly, there was no time to think about other things, she needed to get out of this place.

Elara twisted and turned her arms against the ropes, testing the resistance. Her wrists aching from the rough fibers biting into her skin, but she didn't stop, she couldn't afford to, but then, her heart skipped a beat, and she felt a faint give in the knots on her left hand. It was not as tight on that side. A flicker of hope ignited she adjusted her grip, flexing her fingers to reach the rope. She stretched and twisted her wrist, her nails scraping against the rough surface, seeking leverage. The sensation of the loose strands sliding slightly against her skin made her pulse quicken. She shot a quick glance toward the door, for any sign of opening, but thankfully, her captors were conveniently busy outside, the muffled voices indicated some important conversation. She could feel the fibers started shift, but she knew and every second counted. The man that had entered previously talked about some boss, she could feel that supposed boss could be here any moment now, and then, she finally stopped.

She stopped resisting the ropes, now that she knewShe froze. The ropes on her left hand were loose, instead of unbinding herself, she waited patiently. She must meet this boss if there is even a sliver of hope of getting the answers she infiltrated their warehouse for.... and there was something else too. Now that Elara was calm and thought back, the loose ropes on her left hand felt deliberate. Was it really a coincidence that the ropes, specifically on her left hand were loose, could it be that someone who knew that she was left-handed did it on purpose? There was only one way to find out and that was to let them come to her.

 

[Neemsay]

Your challenge, should you accept, is to only use 15 butts (but) and 15 asses (as) in your next chapter. I understand you love da cake, BUTT your writing is really suffering from it.

Okay, now slightly more serious—not really

I don't like reading distant stuff like this, so keep that in mind. However, this quick little trimming in a section of chapter one should point in... a direction ? IDK, I'm just another someone trying to get better at writing

i understand what you did there. i can still understand the scene even without all that extra information. i'll try that too. thank you very much for the pointer.