New Writer Here! Excited to Hear Your Feedback.

[nabil_ki]

Hey everyone!
I’ve just finished the first book in my planned series, and I’m really proud of how it turned out.
What began as a small project slowly grew into a much larger world than I ever imagined, especially since I outlined the entire saga from the start.
I’ve uploaded the prologue and would love to hear your feedback, honest thoughts are always welcome!

World Of Chosen

 

[SurfAngel_1031]

Read the synopsis and prologue.
The synopsis the initial two paragraphs are basically saying the same thing. Then it sounds like a movie or video game advertisement. Consider making it different.

Prologue : I'm not a fan of how you have chosen to convey the content. The line by line prose just doesn't work for me, I would rather it be 4 paragraphs condensed into readable chunks with life breathed in. What I read was a scene that made me stop every sentence.

Rough. Uncertain. But it might work.
He shouted again:
“Those on the edges! Every time you dodge a tree, say your position! Shout it!”
At first, just a few voices answered.

“Left!”

“Right!”

“Left again!”

He listened.
They were lining up with his own movements.
Same directions.
Same pattern.
It was working.

This is little better than "Watch Tom walk."
"Tom avoided trees."
"The trees are dark."

You have the idea right there. You know they are running from something and have to listen perfectly to the leader. Please consider removing the second grade grammar and let us readers into the scene.
You have lots of potential, I think the idea is pretty solid from what I saw.
Finally, if you plan to leave it in this format, then edit and add punctuation. Some sentences are missing periods and some dialogue are missing quotes.

Hope this helped, be well.