New author looking for feedback

[Scagar]

Hello! As a new author, I was hoping for some feedback on my novel, thanks in advance :D

I was given a new life yet I somehow became a battle lunatic

John wakes up in a strange new world filled with magic, monsters, and adventurers. He quickly comes to learn that he is no longer human and seems to be the only one of his kind. Did this change occur solely on the physical level, or is he loosing more of...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Psycholor]

Your synopsis is crap; it doesn't do anything to grab the reader's attention. If I had stumbled upon your book, I certainly would not have started reading it based on the synopsis you currently have.

A quick glance at the statistics page shows that your day one, your main page had 364 views. But your chapter one had less than 50. That's not a very good engagement ratio.

This is probably also why people here on the forums aren't responding; there are a few users I always see respond to threads like this, but they haven't said anything after almost 24 hours.

TL/DR, make the synopsis more engaging.

Edit: I just finished chapter one. There are very few grammer or spelling issues. Your biggest issue is punctuation. There are other punctuation marks besides a period.

You would benefit greatly by including a few exclamation points, question marks, commas, and semicolons. Doing so would liven up the prose, as it is it just sounds stiff.

As far as the main character; he sounds laughably out of touch. For waking up naked in a forrest and fighting a boar to the death, he is WAY to calm about things. He should be freaking out, panicked, or otherwise on edge. Part of this comes down to the punctuation you used. Chamge some of the periods in dialogue to "!", "?", or "!?".

@Deeprotsorcerer have enough feedback on my chapter, do this guy instead of me.

 

[Deeprotsorcerer]

Will take a look, PM me if you don't hear a peep out of me in a week.

 

[Deleted member 57675]

Monsters lurk at every corner in this new world John is plunged into. The only way to protect himself is to keep getting stronger.

He has made friends who are capable of pushing back against the monsters. He has pushed himself to the limits and beyond to improve his strength and durability.

But will that be enough, to survive in a monster-infested world?

 

[Scagar]

Your synopsis is crap; it doesn't do anything to grab the reader's attention. If I had stumbled upon your book, I certainly would not have started reading it based on the synopsis you currently have.

A quick glance at the statistics page shows that your day one, your main page had 364 views. But your chapter one had less than 50. That's not a very good engagement ratio.

This is probably also why people here on the forums aren't responding; there are a few users I always see respond to threads like this, but they haven't said anything after almost 24 hours.

TL/DR, make the synopsis more engaging.

Edit: I just finished chapter one. There are very few grammer or spelling issues. Your biggest issue is punctuation. There are other punctuation marks besides a period.

You would benefit greatly by including a few exclamation points, question marks, commas, and semicolons. Doing so would liven up the prose, as it is it just sounds stiff.

As far as the main character; he sounds laughably out of touch. For waking up naked in a forrest and fighting a boar to the death, he is WAY to calm about things. He should be freaking out, panicked, or otherwise on edge. Part of this comes down to the punctuation you used. Chamge some of the periods in dialogue to "!", "?", or "!?".

@Deeprotsorcerer have enough feedback on my chapter, do this guy instead of me.

I ended up changing the synopsis "John wakes up in a strange new world filled with magic, monsters, and adventurers. He quickly comes to learn that he is no longer human and seems to be the only one of his kind. Did this change occur solely on the physical level, or is he loosing more of his humanity as his power grows? John tries to make a place for himself in the world he was dropped in to, while finding it harder to recall the one from his past. Many new friends stand beside John as he tries to unravel the mysteries behind who, or what, put him here and he's going to need all the strength he can muster in order to deal with the consequences of what he unearths."

Your synopsis is crap; it doesn't do anything to grab the reader's attention. If I had stumbled upon your book, I certainly would not have started reading it based on the synopsis you currently have.

A quick glance at the statistics page shows that your day one, your main page had 364 views. But your chapter one had less than 50. That's not a very good engagement ratio.

This is probably also why people here on the forums aren't responding; there are a few users I always see respond to threads like this, but they haven't said anything after almost 24 hours.

TL/DR, make the synopsis more engaging.

Edit: I just finished chapter one. There are very few grammer or spelling issues. Your biggest issue is punctuation. There are other punctuation marks besides a period.

You would benefit greatly by including a few exclamation points, question marks, commas, and semicolons. Doing so would liven up the prose, as it is it just sounds stiff.

As far as the main character; he sounds laughably out of touch. For waking up naked in a forrest and fighting a boar to the death, he is WAY to calm about things. He should be freaking out, panicked, or otherwise on edge. Part of this comes down to the punctuation you used. Chamge some of the periods in dialogue to "!", "?", or "!?".

@Deeprotsorcerer have enough feedback on my chapter, do this guy instead of me.

I feel like I've done a better job with more exciting punctuation in the more recent chapters. Ill go back and make edits at your suggestion :D. Also, while I tried to make it come off as if he was mildly panicking, it is later explained that his new physiology changed his mental state and continues to do so

Monsters lurk at every corner in this new world John is plunged into. The only way to protect himself is to keep getting stronger.

He has made friends who are capable of pushing back against the monsters. He has pushed himself to the limits and beyond to improve his strength and durability.

But will that be enough, to survive in a monster-infested world?

I like the tone you used. I read it in the movie guy voice lol. I ended up using a different synopsis, as the main conflict in the plot ends changing, but I really appreciate the suggestion!
@Deeprotsorcerer awesome! If you'd like, I can review your chapters as well if you're looking for feedback

 

[Deleted member 57675]

I ended up changing the synopsis "John wakes up in a strange new world filled with magic, monsters, and adventurers. He quickly comes to learn that he is no longer human and seems to be the only one of his kind. Did this change occur solely on the physical level, or is he loosing more of his humanity as his power grows? John tries to make a place for himself in the world he was dropped in to, while finding it harder to recall the one from his past. Many new friends stand beside John as he tries to unravel the mysteries behind who, or what, put him here and he's going to need all the strength he can muster in order to deal with the consequences of what he unearths."

Felt like a little bit of antihook there. But guess it could work. Just remember that synopsis isn't really a summary and needs a hook at the end that can pull a reader's interest.

 

[Scagar]

Felt like a little bit of antihook there. But guess it could work. Just remember that synopsis isn't really a summary and needs a hook at the end that can pull a reader's interest.

Hmm, what would you suggest I change about the last line? I'm honestly not familiar with anti-hooks

 

[Deleted member 57675]

Hmm, what would you suggest I change about the last line? I'm honestly not familiar with anti-hooks

Your synopsis sounds more like a summary. It pretty much sums up the plot of the story, and in a very generalized way. There's nothing that stands out.

Synopsis shouldn't just be a summary. It needs to be interesting.

John wakes up in a strange new world filled with magic, monsters, and adventurers. He quickly comes to learn that he is no longer human and seems to be the only one of his kind. Did this change occur solely on the physical level, or is he loosing more of his humanity as his power grows? John tries to make a place for himself in the world he was dropped in to, while finding it harder to recall the one from his past. Many new friends stand beside John as he tries to unravel the mysteries behind who, or what, put him here and he's going to need all the strength he can muster in order to deal with the consequences of what he unearths."

That question in the middle may be better at the end. It sounded like you tried to give it a hook, a curious question, in the middle of a synopsis. And then you continue on what's the rest of the story gonna be like. It sorta feels like anticlimax oddly enough. Most give a hook at end of the synopsis, leave something mystery like or a question, so it piques a reader's interest and makes them want to find out what happened.

And that question at the middle and the last sentence all point to him not knowing what happened that made him become this way and planted into a new world. It feels like a slightly repetitive undertone. Just make it one sentence about him trying to find out what happened to him.

Many new friends stand beside John as..
He made new friends.
Which sound more concise? Remember cwrtain details you can leave out in your synopsis and let your reader find it out when they read your story.

 

[Deeprotsorcerer]

Sorry I took so long, Indigo and Psy pretty much said everything I wanted to say about the synopsis, but I've left you a comment on your first chapter regarding the story itself, I honestly think you're onto something here, it just needs polish and perhaps a beta or two!

If you feel so inclined I'd be more than happy if you critiqued my story, but don't feel obligated to. I'll move up to at least your fourth chapter when time permits.