Never mind

[ThisAdamGuy]

Never mind. Ignore this thread.

 

[DismaiNaim]

I hate writing blurbs. Mine always suck.

So... I got jarred in the subject change from the first to second paragraph. The rest of it, I feel, gives away the whole story.

Am I interested in reading this? No.

The opening paragraph smacks of "social nobody wakes up a badass" which I personally don't find compelling (it worked for Harry Potter & Luke Skywalker so WTF do I know?)

Reading through it, it seems like you have something interesting Matrix-esque that might be creative.

I suppose my question to you is: why should I read this story?

 

[ThisAdamGuy]

The rest of it, I feel, gives away the whole story.

It lays out the physical and emotional conflict of the story, but not the ending. How does that give away the whole story?

The opening paragraph smacks of "social nobody wakes up a badass"

It literally says he isn't a fighter. What part makes it sound like he's "woken up a badass"?

I suppose my question to you is: why should I read this story?

You've already said you're not interested, and you made up two reasons to justify it that aren't actually supported by the blurb, so...I kinda don't want you to.

 

[DismaiNaim]

My impression of the blurb is my impression. Most people won't share their impression. Defending it is pointless. Based on this blurb, I'm not interested in reading the story. You wanted feedback, there it is.

Now. It's probably interesting, or at least you think it's an interesting story. You thought it was interesting enough to write it, so the question is what do we need to do to make it sound as interesting to me as it does to you?

Asking you why I should read it was meant to prompt you to think about that. Why would YOU want to read this story?

 

[CharlesEBrown]

My impression of the blurb made it sound like Richard Nixon, so probably would be more amusing than helpful.

 

[Juia_Darkcrest]

I think this blurb needs to be reworked...completely.

Not that my own blurbs are masterworks, but somewhat drunk me cant follow this, so I assume sober me can't either.

I think it is the jarring transition between Jeremey and Miranda POV. Either choose one, or make it a 3rd person POV opener.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

The war was lost
The treaty signed
I was not caught
I crossed the line
I was not caught
Though many tried
I live among you
Well-disguised

I had to leave
My life behind
I dug some graves
You'll never find
The story's told
With facts and lies
I had a name
But never mind

Never mind
Never mind
The war was lost
The treaty signed
There's truth that lives
And truth that dies
I don't know which
So never mind

- Leonard Cohen

 

[RightThereInTheTitle]

Never mind. Ignore this thread.

You're not the boss of me!

 

[Racosharko]

Wish OP didnt remove the original text...

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

This is why one must always quote reply the OP

 

[RightThereInTheTitle]

This is why one must always quote reply the OP

I'd argue it's why one must never delete their original post, since otherwise people's made-up quotes might be taken as valid.

In unrelated news:

I, the person starting this thread, hate kittens. Every time I see a kitten I yell at it. My goal is to make the kitten cry. Because I hate kittens.

Shocking words from the OP. Really terrible stuff, IMO.