Need some advice

[_Wellbeing]

Thank you for your feed back

 

[HouseDelarouxScribbles]

I have not read your story and I think I shall not. I fully understand how difficult it is to craft a 'What to Expect' section; however, the landing page is also where new readers look at your work and see for themselves what this work is about.

If it is not crafted with care and authorial voice, I cannot read the story.

I think I am able to see what to expect already; a mishmash of power-words more algorithmically focused than telling me what it is about. Take a look for yourself:

What to Expect from Chronicles of the Shadow Sovereign:

A Richly Crafted World – A deep and immersive steampunk-meets-high-fantasy setting, blending intricate cityscapes, towering spires, industrial marvels, and arcane wonders.

A Complex Power System – Supernatural abilities rooted in life, death, fate, and suffering, with unique manifestations, deep interdependencies, and an ever-evolving hierarchy.

A Multitude of Perspectives – A diverse cast of characters, each with their own ideologies, ambitions, and struggles, shaping the world through their choices.

Epic Conflicts and Power Struggles – Wars that reshape continents, brutal arenas where champions rise and fall, and Domains filled with danger, treasure, and the clash of titans.

A Universe of Mystery and Depth – Multiple realms, hidden truths, celestial forces, psychological intrigue, and an ever-turning wheel of destiny.

Industry, Economy, and Societal Struggles – A world driven by innovation, noble families vying for control, underground forces moving in the shadows, and the cost of ambition in an era of progress and war.

A Grand Game of Power – From the highest sovereigns pulling the strings of fate to the smallest players making moves that ripple across the world—everyone is a piece, but not all are pawns.

A Tale of Shadows and Sovereignty – Dreams, desires, the making of legends, and the price of power in a world where even gods might be watching.

• This isn’t just a story—it’s an experience.

That's a lot of words -- words that cover many bases but have very little voice and meaning to them. I could be reading "Lord of Mysteries" or "TechnologyxCultivation Mashup #6234" and these words would still apply. Your own swagger in your post here has more humanity than your entire 'What to Expect' section. If the above post is your real voice, please, put it in your "What to Expect" section. It will improve it VASTLY.

To quote my favorite token generator who puts a smile on my face, "Its not about the length --- its about the MESSAGE!"

 

[TheIcMan]

Damn, I missed the link (im suspecting OP removed it after the edit today lmao)

Put it in your "What to Expect" section. It will improve it VASTLY.

To quote my favorite token generator who puts a smile on my face, "Its not about the length --- its about the MESSAGE!"

Or just remove the what to expect section to improve it significantly

 

[naosu]

I would change your synopsis. You haven't done bad. BUT you can achieve more.

So... what you want is to think like the reader. The reader how they look at the synopsis differs from how the writer looks at the synopsis. They should be the same. But writers get taught to... get into the details by some writing teacher or book and end up missing the point.

The point is... your synopsis needs to capture a reader. To do that, it should lure them into thinking they could be the main character of that story. So you need details in there to transfer their mindset into thinking, HEY that story could work for me! That story has a main character like I want to see in a story!

Make it this way.

After dozens of books and stories I feel like I'm starting to understand this. But in the beginning I didn't.