Hello! Before we start, keep in mind that I'm the most worthless writer possible, capable only of failing. Take care about accepting any feedback from me. With that out of the way, here are my basic thoughts:
Ding!
Welcome, Host. The Sign-In System has successfully bound to your consciousness.
Aryan blinked.
Nothing wrong with the structure, but highlight the system somehow.
Ding!
Welcome, Host. The Sign-In System has successfully bound to your consciousness.
Aryan blinked.
Even that is better for a reader to understand that it is an outside voice.
He opened it.
Balance: ₹500,000
His jaw nearly detached from his face.
Also, highlight the balance somehow, in a different font, because it is not part of the system, as far as I could understand.
Standing outside was a tall woman in a crisp suit, early 30s, with sharp eyes and a tablet in hand.
If she is to be another MC or a part of the main cast, we don't have much info to visualize her.
