Need feedback for my fanfiction

Aijikan

Aijikan

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Zenomew said:
Huh here I thought you are a jobless guy who has no better work but read bad stuff
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Nah. I can atleast pay off my fees from my novel earnings but what about ya?
Zenomew said:
Huh here I thought you are a jobless guy who has no better work but read bad stuff
Click to expand...
Nah bro in my life, I've read only one bad thing, burden of reality, not worth of existing and that is a novel called something like "game of thrones i wanna become cool by adding infinity and loop like bragging words in my novel title". It was quite like?????
 
Zenomew

Zenomew

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The fact that you read only one bad stuff means you are a terrible writer who just likes to lie about being a good writer

Admit it u are a broke guy with no job
Aijikan said:
Nah. I can atleast pay off my fees from my novel earnings but what about ya?

Nah bro in my life, I've read only one bad thing, burden of reality, not worth of existing and that is a novel called something like "game of thrones i wanna become cool by adding infinity and loop like bragging words in my novel title". It was quite like?????
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Show me one book that you write which is even worth anything
 
I

Iwriteforfun

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Hey mate, I won't read all of that, but I can help out a bit maybe?
Firstly, add some cover to it. Will be more appealing.
Next, the title must always! have caps on for the first letters.
"Game of Thrones: Infinite Loops" Is a better title to put.
That's all.
Do check out my work here if you find this comment helpful, I just started writing recently, so my first work: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1222747/the-endless-ascent/
 
C

CharlesEBrown

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I tried. This is a mess. Reading it feels like being stuck in an infinite loop.
Too many little issues to point out but verb tenses are erratic, sometimes "a" or "an" is used when the other is more appropriate, sometimes plural forms of words are used when the verbs suggest singular, and sometimes the opposite happens.
Not sure if this needs a very firm editor or an exorcist...
Hate to be this negative but my head was spinning too much from clumsy word usage to really figure out what was being said.
 
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