hello, I recently started a novel back in November. Now it's 26 chapters. It's a fantasy novel(original. not a fanfic). I hope someone can give me some feedback.. A lot of silent readers on scribble hub. This is one of my first writings. Thank you in advance for checking out and giving me feedback in advance. I wondered i i should post it on the royal road but I am definitely going to correct everything before doing that. I heard the brutality tales of those guys lol. I want to share my story. It's called transmigrated as a villain's older brother. I know it's corny but I like it and it's too late to change it now lol. I hope I can be given some constructive feedback.
edit.
the prologue is 10k long so just a warning but I tried to make it enjoyable.
Good day. First and foremost, take all of my advice with a grain of salt, in my opinion, you are already a better author than me. With that in mind, here it is:
The young man's dead, fish-like eyes scanned the artificial terrain as he moved with machine-like precision. Sentries fired at him as he took cover behind a tree, but he quickly peeked out, fired a shot, and destroyed his target before returning to cover.
With lightning-fast reflexes, he maneuvered through the terrain, using every obstacle to his advantage. His movements were fluid and graceful, as though he had been programmed to navigate the terrain flawlessly.
Look at how many "as" you have used. It is perfectly legal and even valid, but if my eyes caught the repetition, others might too. Try to play with words, come up with an idea of how you could rephrase this to get out of any dependency on any singular word. You're smart, you can do it.
The head professor approaches papers in hand, ready to answer the general.
I am not a native English speaker, but it seems to me that the word "with" is missing before papers.
You only provide one clone every three years?, and most die before reaching the age of 2.5 years. I'm thinking about taking this one next year."
It feels like it should rather be:
You only provide one clone every three years? And most die before reaching the age of 2.5 years. I'm thinking about taking this one next year."
This is simply stretching my suspension of disbelief:
"You are replaceable. remember that Dr. Hector."
No matter how evil the military is, they will not waste a scientist involved in this kind of project. No way, no how. It might work with supervillains, but not with any proper organization.
A smirk appears on the old soldier's face
It feels like it should be:
A smirk appears on the old soldier's face:
Some similar mistakes, with missing ":" or "." at the end of a sentence.
This feels:
A business attire person chimes in
--“I agree. Dr. Hector is making this hard for us to proceed with project Alpha. I have spent so much on this project”
Like it should rather be:
A business attire person chimes in
--“I agree. Dr. Hector is making this hard for us to proceed with project Alpha. I have spent so much on this project...”
Since it looks like the other person cut him off mid-sentence.
All in all, it is mostly grammar that has caught my attention. The characters are easy to understand, the plot makes sense, and there are actual stakes in the prologue. All in all, not bad IMO. I almost want to give the advice of adding more description, but it is actually bad advice in this situation. Your style is working.
