My inspiration

[harrydouthwaite]

Most people will just see a pair of swim shorts here, but to me this obscure pair of shorts are a symbol of something extraordinary. In the summer of 2005 when I was twelve years old, I saw my seven year old slightly-chubby neighbour (wearing an identical pair) apparently struggling in the pool with a heavy foam-mat barge, kicking and splashing while not really moving anywhere. It was just the most adorable thing that I'd never actually witnessed before, except perhaps in cartoons like Rugrats (Chuckie and his shorts were an obsession of mine since I was nine).
After that, we played together often and my favourite memories are from the local pool, where he either needed my help to clamber out or a boost to get onto a big inflatable ring. To this day, my friend was the only person I have ever felt such a strong bond with. It wasn't sexual attraction, but it was definitely more than platonic. They were days that I wished could have lasted forever, but they abruptly came to an end in 2008. The shorts were lost, mistakenly thrown out. It wasn't until the end of 2022 that I managed to find this pair. I've worn them a lot, it feels like I'm honouring the memories of my little buddy from the twilight of my childhood.

My character Timothy wears these shorts, too. He looks just like my little buddy and virtually every story I've ever written involves Timothy in some form or fashion. My favourite scenes to write about often involve Timothy getting a workout by struggling, whether it's because his shoes/feet can't get a grip or because the back wheel of his bike keeps slipping while he's propped up on his training wheels/stabilizers. My second-favourite scenes involve Timothy being doted on, either by his big buddy or his parents. The latter comes across as bittersweet because my protagonist understands why Timothy's getting the attention (after all, he dotes on Timothy a lot), but wishes he had had someone to do the same for him when he was Timothy's age.

The main reason I stopped writing my novel a decade ago involving Timothy was because I realized I didn't just want Timothy to be stuck in a book where I could only imagine him, while remembering all the happy moments I had in the company of my little buddy. I wanted more than that, so I daydreamed about being Timothy's daddy. I'd get to see him every day, I'd get to feel like I was hugging my best friend every time that my Timothy needed me.

I just want my little buddy back. What I really want to wake up in the summer of 2006 and live those days all over again. Honestly though, I think cloning is far more likely than time travel, so that's what I've been focusing on instead - daydreaming about having a kid that looks exactly the same as the friend that I have missed every day for all this time. But I can't talk about this with anyone who will take it seriously enough. Who knows, maybe one day I'll write a story that elaborates on what it felt like when my little buddy disappeared from my life, as if he'd been abducted by aliens and replaced with a lookalike that had everything about my little buddy programmed in, except our friendship.