My first ever story and I would love to have a little feedback.

[Gunshot_god]

Good evening. I am new here and yes, I am really excited to post my first ever story here. Glad to meet y'all here. Mind if you can read my first chapter and let me know about it?
My amateur heart can't take this waiting lol.
1st chapter:

https://www.scribblehub.com/read/716858-the-deformed-star-in-the-sky/chapter/716876/


2nd chapter:

The Deformed Star In the Sky - Flashback to a starry sky | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Notadate]

Number one: I hate Chinese names, and usually puts off most readers who have bad memory or just don’t like reading long names.

Number two: You are suffering from writing a sentence and leaving out core parts. Example: (He needs to join today. Luo Feng was filled with a myriad of emotions inside him as he checked and found his tie is a problematic one. It’s been like this since his birth. Tie sure is a demon cloth.)

He needs to join what? It feels out of place, and unneeded.


Number three: Improve you speech for characters. Not how they speech, but how you show that someone is. You have three different ways for some reason.

’Blank’

-‘Blank’.

”Blank.”


And for some minor wording problems, this is not a bad first try. I suggest reading other stories to see how they do it, take bits of it, and improve. Good luck.