Maybe I should have used Feedback early :(

[eternalparticle]

Book: Tale of the Tacticians

So while most people would use the feedback when they've recently started uploading chapters, I am not most people, and so I ask for your help after I have 28 chapters up.

I recently realized a problem. When I was writing the initial chapters, I knew they were very slow, but I kept them as is. This was because I knew where the story was shaping towards and how the first arc would end, so the slow start wasn't a problem and more like a necessity. (To put this into perspective the first major event happens in ch26)

The big flaw here is, readers don't know the end. And so I am starting to question whether the story has any hooks in the starting chapters. (I am just nervous probably)

So I ask for your help. If anyone is kind enough to spare some time to go through the first few chapters and share their thoughts that would be really good.

 

[GardenerKing]

First things first, if a prologue can be skipped, then it shouldn't be there at the first place.

Second, there seems to be no tension or stakes at all.

He was referring to the classification system. As a psychology enthusiast, Silas had always been driven to understand human behavior. His latest idea was to categorize the different types of people found in a debate.

Silas was the neutral type in almost all debates he participated in. This was because Silas only debated to expand his already vast knowledge of psychology. He did not have any personal opinions regarding NeuroLinx. The concept was just introduced and would clearly take sufficient time to become a thing.

Plus, Silas wasn't mindlessly going to jam computer chips in his brain. If the idea worked well, he would adopt it—it would only give him boosted efficiency. In case the idea didn't work out so well, he would pretend he did not know of it to begin with.

Show not tell, through thoughts, actions, or whatever you want. Or tell and don't over explain.
Example:

Plus, Silas wasn't mindlessly going to jam computer chips in his brain.

To

'Hell nah!' He groaned, shaking his head in denial. 'Who's insane enough to jam a chip in their brain?!'

------------

His eyes scanned the block of text. It was gibberish, though not the kind caused by mindlessly smashing the keyboard. It seemed to follow some kind of pattern. Silas's first thought was that it might be a foreign language transliterated into English.

Without thinking, Silas found himself reading the strange text aloud, his voice flowing instinctively with each syllable. The moment the words left his lips, he blinked, the world around him momentarily blurring. When his eyes opened again, he was no longer in his room. The familiar ceiling had vanished, replaced by an endless stretch of night sky, vast and infinite. Above him, a moon; not just any moon, but a massive celestial object glowing pink hung in the sky.

Again, show his thoughts. But there are a few issues here.

1. You framed Silas as someone careful and smart with vast knowledge, so him reading out the text aloud without prior setup makes it feel... Wrong.

2. He's seeing something strange, suspicious. So what's his REACTION? You could have built some tension here.

3. Its too fast right now, it feels rushed and inconvenient.

 

[eternalparticle]

First things first, if a prologue can be skipped, then it shouldn't be there at the first place.

Second, there seems to be no tension or stakes at all.




Show not tell, through thoughts, actions, or whatever you want. Or tell and don't over explain.
Example:

To

------------

Again, show his thoughts. But there are a few issues here.

1. You framed Silas as someone careful and smart with vast knowledge, so him reading out the text aloud without prior setup makes it feel... Wrong.

2. He's seeing something strange, suspicious. So what's his REACTION? You could have built some tension here.

3. Its too fast right now, it feels rushed and inconvenient.

I see, thank you!

I do have a few questions if you would.

1. How do I balance show and tell. When it's about an object, a person or a place I can show it and back the scene with my telling but how do I show concepts without having the protagonist always think his ideas, or speak it out loud which makes them sound like a disney villain, "You fell right into my trap". There are a lot of "concepts" that either of the protagonists come up with. Most of the time these are conveyed as a dialogue but in a similar setting where the protagonist is alone how do I effectively do that? I could only think of the narrator stepping in and explain what is happening, but the problem then is over explaining.

2. If I want the readers to question the flaw of the protagonist not having any reaction to something so strange, in a way giving an idea of mystery. I want the readers to go like "There must be something up with that text" or "Something doesn't quite feel right". As you pointed it out it means I was briefly able to achieve that, but the problem is you interpreted it as a "Plothole" which is exactly what I feared would happen. So my question is how do I make it so that several of such "plotholes" that exist in the story, which are not quite plotholes but a part of the plot itself, to not feel like flaws.

There is a way of fixing this issue and that is using the narrator: "As smart as Silas was, he still didn't question the strangeness of the text." But I can't use this here, it'll kill the plot. For this scene, after reading a few more chapters readers would clearly realise that the protagonists don't have the memories of the moments before transmigration. So is there a way to fix this problem without having the narrator mention it or having a prior setup because it may or may not be shaping towards an "Aha" moment in the future chapters explaining why that particular thing happened.

Revision ideas I got:
- Learn to manage pacing, certain chapters are too fast or too slow.
- Learn to manage tension and stakes, by creating a strain and providing consequence in orderly manner.
- Trust readers, don't overexplain.

Thank you for your time!

 

[GardenerKing]

1. How do I balance show and tell. When it's about an object, a person or a place I can show it and back the scene with my telling but how do I show concepts without having the protagonist always think his ideas, or speak it out loud which makes them sound like a disney villain, "You fell right into my trap". There are a lot of "concepts" that either of the protagonists come up with. Most of the time these are conveyed as a dialogue but in a similar setting where the protagonist is alone how do I effectively do that? I could only think of the narrator stepping in and explain what is happening, but the problem then is over explaining.

I can't really help with that one since I struggle with it myself. Just do your best and try to show as much as you can until you feel tired. You can slack on some stuff, but your chapter should be more like 60% show and 40% tell. You don't need to apply it to everything as well. When you find that showing is gonna slow the pacing, maybe that's the time you switch to telling.

As for avoiding the cartoonish acts, focus on showing your character's action and reaction. For example, instead of "You fell right into my trap", have your character pull a counterattack, then maybe comment on it after success or reflect on a flaw after failure.

This is a good video to get a better idea about show vs tell: How to Show, Not Tell: The Complete Writing Guide

2. If I want the readers to question the flaw of the protagonist not having any reaction to something so strange, in a way giving an idea of mystery. I want the readers to go like "There must be something up with that text" or "Something doesn't quite feel right". As you pointed it out it means I was briefly able to achieve that, but the problem is you interpreted it as a "Plothole" which is exactly what I feared would happen. So my question is how do I make it so that several of such "plotholes" that exist in the story, which are not quite plotholes but a part of the plot itself, to not feel like flaws.

There is a way of fixing this issue and that is using the narrator: "As smart as Silas was, he still didn't question the strangeness of the text." But I can't use this here, it'll kill the plot. For this scene, after reading a few more chapters readers would clearly realise that the protagonists don't have the memories of the moments before transmigration. So is there a way to fix this problem without having the narrator mention it or having a prior setup because it may or may not be shaping towards an "Aha" moment in the future chapters explaining why that particular thing happened.

Your ideal solution is showing its strangeness, but you can still make it so the MC ends up reading it one way or another.

"As smart as Silas was, he still didn't question the strangeness of the text."

You absolutely don't want to do that; it's just bad. If he knows the text is strange, then you can show his curiosity and frame it as a mistake on his side.

Here's an example:

Silas held his phone, his eyes glaring on the text block. It piqued his curiosity, pushing him to question its purpose. "Strange," he murmred, trying to decode the text. *Make him read the text out loud and maybe, do some sutters before succuss, then make his vision blur, question what's happening, etc.*

 

[eternalparticle]

I can't really help with that one since I struggle with it myself. Just do your best and try to show as much as you can until you feel tired. You can slack on some stuff, but your chapter should be more like 60% show and 40% tell. You don't need to apply it to everything as well. When you find that showing is gonna slow the pacing, maybe that's the time you switch to telling.

As for avoiding the cartoonish acts, focus on showing your character's action and reaction. For example, instead of "You fell right into my trap", have your character pull a counterattack, then maybe comment on it after success or reflect on a flaw after failure.

This is a good video to get a better idea about show vs tell: How to Show, Not Tell: The Complete Writing Guide


Your ideal solution is showing its strangeness, but you can still make it so the MC ends up reading it one way or another.


You absolutely don't want to do that; it's just bad. If he knows the text is strange, then you can show his curiosity and frame it as a mistake on his side.

Here's an example:

Alright this helps, I'll go through the video.

Also about the using the narrator, I realized I might have phrased that dummy sentence a little wrong, what I really meant by using the narrator was to using the narrator to tease a potential follow up, as the narration is in third person bird view, or whatever it's called where the narrator knows everything.

The sentence reads like: "The protagonist knew it was strange even then he read it out loud, that's dumb"

What I meant it to be: "Despite his qualifications, the protagonist was perhaps under a strong otherworldly influence that he couldn't question the text at all, as something or someone had possessed him the very moment"

So it's like pointing it out using the narrator to give the idea that "Oh, author knows it's a flaw so maybe it's not a flaw but intentional" instead of like "Author knows it's a flaw and he still kept it that's dumb."

Does that make sense or is it no good too?

Also I realised it is the same problem, "the readers don't know that." I seem to have a problem with seeing my story from the reader's perspective. I add a lot of things that would make sense, but only when the arc concludes, because of this, at first glance, the story feels dull. I get it now.

- Develop a reader perspective.

Thank you, Thank you, it did help a lot!