Looking for some feedback and critiques

[Sayamarey]

Hey everyone, my name is Derek Yang, A.K.A. Sayamarey. I'm an aspiring author, and my series, The Ascended: Welcome to Syrova, is my first genuine attempt at actually writing. It's a dark fantasy, erotic romance, isekai Gamelit about a retired veteran whose life is upended when the System of Cultivation arrives on Earth.

I'd appreciate any feedback and constructive criticism from all of you.