Good day , I'm a beginner author and just started writing my first WN
this is just a passion project from me, i'm writing a novel that i myself would like to read
looking for feedbacks and suggestion on how to improve^^
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1668075/the-grimoire-made-me-do-it/
Hello! Before the start, please keep in mind that I am the worst writer around these parts. Take any of my advice with a grain of salt. With that out of the way, let's start:
this isn't part of the chapters , read it if you want to have advance knowledge about the worldbuilding plan
AETHER Path Tier System (Levels 1–20)
This is excessive. That emptiness is confusing for any new readers. Either remove it and paste the text directly, or add an image or something. People came to read, not to gaze at the white void. Ask yourself, would you keep reading a book in such a format?
This was Glacies, a scity clinging to survival at the northern edge of the world where relic scavengers peddled ancient lies and steam-powered lifelines kept death just out of reach.
Unless it is slang or a local term, it should be city. Also, two spaces between "world" and "where". Not critical, but better to fix.
The biting cold wind of the northern continent swept through the city of ice and steam, howling between brass spires and frozen chimneys. Pipes hissed as pressure valves released bursts of vapor, briefly warming the frostbitten streets before vanishing into the blizzard.
Neat visuals, way to go!
Among the crowds, an elf with purple eyes and hair her name is Frau walk among the crowd with a charming smile, visibly on a good mood due to selling some random trinket as a priced relic to some un suspecting merchant and mercenary,
Rewrite this part. It's messy, not worthy of your kickass opening. First, it should be crowd, not crowds, maybe?
Let me give a try:
Among the crowd walked an elf by the name of Frau. Her beaming purple eyes and a wide grin betrayed her excited mood resulting from passing a random trinket for a prized relic and then selling it to an oblivious mercenary (pick either merchant or mercenary; the character is supposed to know that).
Not my finest work, but I suck as a writer, sorry.
"another day another sucker tricked" frau chuckled as she walked thru the frozen street with a full coin pouch, she looked around while walking to look for an inn to stay the night , upon finding and entering one she directly called out the inn keeper and said "how much for a private room" , "5 copper per night , would you also like to have a meal? just add another 2 copper for it " the inkeeper replied
Grammar mistakes.
Another day.
Frau.
through instead of thru (cause your version reads like a fart)).
Rewrite this part. You condensed way too much in a single paragraph. There are two people speaking here.
In short, you can write. Sit, don't hurry, and do a rewrite, removing mistakes and formatting the story better.
