I read the first two chapters and skimmed the third. My big take away is the stylistic presentation.
Chapter one is almost entirely combat-oriented, and it benefits well from the frequently clipped sentence structure, even if some of those sentences become fragments that could use a little tweaking.
However, you continue with the same style in the more relaxed prose sections, and I think it is not the best way to present it. Personally, I'd get away from the frequent one word sentences, the fragments, the repeated sections like:
Short.
Clipped.
Concise.
These work a little better for building the tension and feel of the combat segments, but come across as out of place in other sections. The second problem that arises from that is it feels like it is encouraging you to shoe-horn in needless details and weird phrases just to maintain that style. An example is this:
He forced a shrug. “The beast was young. Its crystals weren’t fully formed.”
A lie wrapped in calm.
A lie coated in shame.
His master studied him for a moment. Her gaze was sharp enough to cut, but she looked away before it could wound him. “I see.”
Not fully believing.
Not wanting to push.
So, the short, clipped sentences don't work as well in this type of scenario. They don't add anything except frivolous details mostly unconnected to the surrounding content. In fact, I think they harm more than help.
For example, the first section where he lies. We know that it is a lie, so reiterating it doesn't help the reader. You use it to suggest that he is remaining calm while he lies, but also ashamed of that lie. Personally, I believe it'd be better to show it through his actions. So, perhaps when he lies he has a tell, such as being unable to meet her sharp gaze. So, he shrugs and looks away.
His master's section is similar. The not fully believing and not wanting to push are just tacked on to maintain that style of presentation. However, her studying him, her sharp gaze, and her looking away while replying with something as simple as "I see." conveys that to the reader. We know she doesn't believe him but is also not pressing him.
Therefore, my assessment is that your attempt to maintain that particular style of presentation throughout, rather than just where it benefits you, is going to harm you.
Somewhere through the haze, he saw the beast rise in the smoke.
Slow.
Angry.
Alive.
Here is an example of where I think it worked well. This is the middle of chapter one and in the midst of the action. You could build it into the primary sentence, such as "Somewhere through the haze he saw the raging beast slowly rising in the smoke."
However, the short, one-word sentences have a particular feel and intensity to them that works well here.
So, that is my assessment on that bit. However, overall, I think it has quite a bit of promise. The content is generally good, but with only three chapters it is hard to say more.
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