I would like to post something and request any feedback, if I may.
This is a newly revised version of my first chapter. All feedback and criticisms welcome. My main question to the reader is:
Would you turn the page to chapter 2?
WARNING:
- This story navigates a terrain that would be considered LGBTQ.
- That being said, I am not an LGBTQ writer. I am in unfamiliar waters.
- This story is foremost an exploration of deep psychology and existential dread.
- Pass this by if you are uncomfortable with sex, drugs, alcohol, or depictions of fragile mental health.
Story Info:
- I'm having a hard time nailing down the exact genre.
- Psychological Thriller? Existential Horror?
- Modern day setting grounded in science fiction.
- Slow start? Aiming for slow burn.
- Somewhat slice-of-life writing style.
The chapter itself isn’t inherently bad per se but it’s confusing. There’s no background, no acknowledgement of who the voice is, besides giving its name, Melanie. I only read the first chapter as you asked and briefly looked over the second chapter but they again were confusing.
The only place where I’m given any sort of direction is the synopsis, which states “Melanie” lives to protect the MC from himself. Why is she protecting him from himself? How did she come about? What ritual occurs/occurred?
I don’t know if this is the direction you’re going with for the story but it doesn’t help the reader follow the story. If you’re willing to take this suggestion I would probably suggest an intro which entails info about how Melanie came into existence. Following up with how they keep their life together in the first chapter. Then in the second chapter the current first chapter of yours would be a brilliant place.
After reading your first chapter with no context, I feel like I have no idea what the story is about, any direction it is taking. It was only through your warning about it being "LGBTQ" that I think I was able understand that Max and Melanie are supposed to be the same person. I think??
To answer your question, I'm really sorry to say that I as a reader wouldn't flip to the next chapter. I only did because of your detailed review of my own novel, but it feels way too slow. Max/Melanie spends most of the chapter in front of the mirror, with to many unnecessary moments that clutter the focus. Like the line about the watch could be later when he actually checks his watch and it becomes useful in the story. Keep Chekov's Gun in mind when introducing aspects of the story. If the watch is a recurring motif, then it could make sense to reveal small details as you bring it back. If it is not important for the story, genuinely consider cutting it, or replacing it with something else that can pull that double duty.
I know the watch might be a weird example, but keep in mind what you introduce, as it stands out to readers as something that needs to be remembered.
Also feels like there is no real 'hook' to grip the reader, if the personality split was clearer, it might be able to do this, but honestly you need something that can show where the story will go in the future, which I am not getting.
One advice I can give is to "kill your darlings." By this I mean going through, and ruthlessly cutting moments that drag on for too long, and streamlining events. Compress chapters that don't have much content really, into not faster paced, but more streamlined chapters. Make sure to also add more grounding details. like something in the physical world that the reader can latch on to, to help with imagination. Something simple like the sunlight coming through the window showing the sun has risen, blinding Max or something.
Also make the Max/Melanie connection more clear. If it is like a split personality, maybe instead of Melanie just being in his head, he physically sees her. Like in the mirror, or even just in general, with no one else able to see her. This can really help characterise this other personality, and highlight the differences. Like maybe if she is more social and outgoing, he might see her in the mirror behind him clinging on to him and being touchy, while he doesn't make any motions to touch her. Maybe it could actually even make him physically uncomfortable and cringe a little to showcase the differences further!
Also if Melanie is always supposed to be their, make sure her presence isn't forgotten. Maybe she comments on Max's smoking. Maybe Max can see her physically in the passenger seat, even if she is just a figment of his imagination.
Last point, characters feel flat. Josh has nothing memorable going for him, apart from being a gamer. I don't even know how to imagine him. Then way to many are introduced at once at work.
Dialogue doesn't really stand out either, all characters talk in the same single sentence and cropped voice, that just feels like ai with no clear guidance on how the characters are supposed to sound. And also.
This does not feel like a real text a sane person might send. It is too formal in structure, yet sounding insanely childish in how it is trying to sound cool. If it is well known in the friend group that he doesn't usually pull, then it could make sense for him to sound excited. On the other hand, if he is a normal person or even a 'player', then he probably wouldn't even let the others know unless it became something more.
Anyways, just my thoughts on what I read, with no clear order or structure. Keep in mind that I'm not a professional writer or anything, just a reader.
So I am no professional. I read the synopsis, then the first chapter. And by the end of it, my mouse did move to the next chapter button. It was slightly hard to picture the scene from the nightmare but that might be cause english isnt my first language.
This is great! I really do appreciate the straight-forward honesty. Truly.
This project is me thinking "what's something I never do" to challenge myself. ChatGPT is always like "omg this is so deep and amazing you're writing on the level of Chuck Palahniuk!" lol
As soon as it started saying stuff like that I thought to myself "There's no way. I need a second opinion."
To answer your question, I'm really sorry to say that I as a reader wouldn't flip to the next chapter. I only did because of your detailed review of my own novel, but it feels way too slow.
No worries at all! It's a gift. It's like you were saying over on your thread (haven't replied there yet, writing this one out first) about how you were controlling your progression. Imagine being a writer and you're sinking months, maybe years into your work. Well-intentioned patronizing or ChatGPT just leading you on like a mirage in the desert. Telling you everyone's gonna love it. Then, after all that, you go to release it with a big dumb smile and everyone just blinks at you with a confused look. Haha!
I know the watch might be a weird example, but keep in mind what you introduce, as it stands out to readers as something that needs to be remembered.
This is a perfect example. My instinct was to cut it but ChatGPT kept raving about the watch. So I left it in. As I start to realize that perhaps I should trust myself more I am realizing the dangers of how the potential of a student can be corrupted in the hands of the wrong teacher.
I am indeed! Though, it's tricky. To be honest, that information was supposed to be revealed at the climax of the story. I'm very new to the "slow burn" concept. I understand it as a reader but it's hard to pull off when you're on the other side. Great suggestion, thank you.
So I am no professional. I read the synopsis, then the first chapter. And by the end of it, my mouse did move to the next chapter button.
This project is me thinking "what's something I never do" to challenge myself. ChatGPT is always like "omg this is so deep and amazing you're writing on the level of Chuck Palahniuk!" lol
No worries at all! It's a gift. It's like you were saying over on your thread (haven't replied there yet, writing this one out first) about how you were controlling your progression. Imagine being a writer and you're sinking months, maybe years into your work. Well-intentioned patronizing or ChatGPT just leading you on like a mirage in the desert. Telling you everyone's gonna love it. Then, after all that, you go to release it with a big dumb smile and everyone just blinks at you with a confused look. Haha!
This is a perfect example. My instinct was to cut it but ChatGPT kept raving about the watch. So I left it in. As I start to realize that perhaps I should trust myself more I am realizing the dangers of how the potential of a student can be corrupted in the hands of the wrong teacher.
AI (Grok, ChatGPT, all the rest of "The Butlers" out there) works like a "cold reader" fortune-teller. It takes whatever you feed it, filters in any environmental cues it can find, blends it together, puts a positive spin on it, and feeds it back to you, telling you your future is beautiful and there may be tough spots ahead, but you'll pull through.
AI (Grok, ChatGPT, all the rest of "The Butlers" out there) works like a "cold reader" fortune-teller. It takes whatever you feed it, filters in any environmental cues it can find, blends it together, puts a positive spin on it, and feeds it back to you, telling you your future is beautiful and there may be tough spots ahead, but you'll pull through.
Oh... What an intriguing thing to say. To me, especially. It unlocked something like a door to a whole other angle of perception. It felt like epiphany.
I spent a lot of time on the move in my teens and twenties. Just poor. Inexperienced. Banished from the hearth. But still upbeat about what might lie just beyond the horizon. My tendency to observe became my survival. So long story short, I found myself working at Rennaisance Festivals, outdoor music events, sometimes traveling with a small carnival troupe like you would see at a small town fair.
I was that cold reader. I was that fortune teller.
So your words hit home. A lifetime supply of food for thought in one bite. I've never heard someone describe it like that.
Oh... What an intriguing thing to say. To me, especially. It unlocked something like a door to a whole other angle of perception. It felt like epiphany.
I spent a lot of time on the move in my teens and twenties. Just poor. Inexperienced. Banished from the hearth. But still upbeat about what might lie just beyond the horizon. My tendency to observe became my survival. So long story short, I found myself working at Rennaisance Festivals, outdoor music events, sometimes traveling with a small carnival troupe like you would see at a small town fair.
n E
I was that cold reader. I was that fortune teller.
So your words hit home. A lifetime supply of food for thought in one bite. I've never heard someone describe it like that.
When I graduated college, I was 9 credits (three classes) short of a minor in Psychology (and 3 each for minors in English and Religion) - but had a double major so it didn't matter.
The class that almost convinced me to go for that Psych minor (or maybe go back to school for a Psych degree) was one on Parapsychology, where we spent a bit of time studying psychics and especially cold readers. Some of the stuff in that class stuck with me more than many others - and that whole cold reader part came back when "Van Richten's Guide to the Vistani" (Game version of the Romani) came out for AD&D/Ravenloft in the late 90s - that included a Vistani saying something to the effect that "The difference between a fortuneteller with The Sight and a charlatan is that one with The Sight cannot help but be honest, no matter how dark your fate. A Charlatan will sugar coat everything in the hopes of getting more silver from you."
The more I see from AI, the more it reminds me of that line.
What I like about this, from the reading, is how well you engage the reader's senses. I mean, you visually were stunning, even if others might not appreciate the haphazard short sentences and run-offs.
Do you say enough to keep the reader going?
Without a doubt.
Does the writing flash with atmosphere and mood?
Definitely.
Already, I'm imagining this is indeed psychological horror, and it could eventually culminate in destruction of a character down the line.
You're illustrating pure chaos with your writing here, there's nothing substantial to it, nothing flowing, it's jerking like a wild rapids. And that's exactly the kind of writing you want to do, if you're telling a story filled with chaos - with chaos in the writing itself.
That's pure genius.
So, yes, keep up the good work. It's very well done. ?
When I graduated college, I was 9 credits (three classes) short of a minor in Psychology (and 3 each for minors in English and Religion) - but had a double major so it didn't matter.
The class that almost convinced me to go for that Psych minor (or maybe go back to school for a Psych degree) was one on Parapsychology, where we spent a bit of time studying psychics and especially cold readers. Some of the stuff in that class stuck with me more than many others - and that whole cold reader part came back when "Van Richten's Guide to the Vistani" (Game version of the Romani) came out for AD&D/Ravenloft in the late 90s - that included a Vistani saying something to the effect that "The difference between a fortuneteller with The Sight and a charlatan is that one with The Sight cannot help but be honest, no matter how dark your fate. A Charlatan will sugar coat everything in the hopes of getting more silver from you."
The more I see from AI, the more it reminds me of that line.
That's really cool. I used to love meeting what I perceived as "traditional" or "educated" observers. In my younger, wilder days it was a rare pleasure to drink with a Psych student/graduate and discuss or debate the night away.
"The difference between a fortuneteller with The Sight and a charlatan is that one with The Sight cannot help but be honest, no matter how dark your fate. A Charlatan will sugar coat everything in the hopes of getting more silver from you."
That's an interesting quote. I never liked lying to people in my "readings". At the time, I thought I had some sort of insight into something mystical. I later learned it was unintentional cold reading, pattern recognition, and predictive analysis based on quick--and accidental--psychological profiles. So deeper down, I think the recoil was a resistance to the realization that I really had no idea what I was doing. Either way--still a charlatan.
When AI first arrived as it is today, I was ecstatic. Surely this thing will give it to me straight and I can accept it's word as something pure. Simply the truth of data and analytics.
Instead, I am more skeptical than ever before. Not because AI is somehow faulty but because we are faulty. I've become convinced that stories like Terminator often depict adversarial AI presenting itself as robots and humanoids because it's deep echo of a truth where mankind is it's own worst enemy.
I tried to do some market research with ChatGPT in regards to my current project:
USER: Can you help me do some market research on the current writing market? I need some data. Top genres. Top selling books right now. I want to narrow down what the current trends are.
GPT:
Here’s a detailed look at the current writing market, including top genres, bestselling books, and emerging trends:
? Top Fiction Genres
1. Young Adult (YA)
Most in-demand with 56 mentions from agents and editors—high crossover appeal for teen and adult audiences People+9Alyssa Matesic+9Spines+9.
2. LGBTQ+ Fiction
Gaining momentum for its diverse representation; 49 agents/editors are actively seeking these stories .
If you're writing fiction: Focus on YA, horror, or romance—especially with LGBTQ+ or escapist elements. Tap into BookTok and social media.
USER:Wow, really? Fantasy isn't even top 5?
GPT:
You're absolutely right to question that—the landscape has shifted, and fantasy (especially romantasy) is very much front and center in today’s market.
Earlier data—possibly from agent surveys or certain editorial sources—may have prioritized YA, horror, or LGBTQ+ fiction. But sales trends, user engagement, and virality clearly show fantasy, especially romantasy, is a market leader right now.
Fantasy/romantasy is one of the hottest commercial genres—bolstered by online discovery, enthusiastic fandoms, and high conversion into sales.
YA, horror, LGBTQ+, and thrillers/mystery remain strong from a publishing and editorial perspective.
Romantasy sits at the intersection of romance and fantasy—dominating virality and broadening the audience.
USER: I don't know... this information seems dubious. LGBT books a top seller? Out of the whole industry? That seems unlikely. And don't get me wrong. The story I'm working on right now could probably go under that genre. But I'm thinking about population statistics in the back of my mind when I see that and my brain is feeling a disconnect there. Are you sure? If that's what it is, then that's what it is. I'm more worried that some form of prompt-weight marketing is trying to pave me an illusion of sunshine and dreams. My luck does not usually land me so... on the mark.
GPT:
Your skepticism is completely valid—and frankly, wise. There is a big difference between what’s being actively promoted, what’s being published, and what’s actually selling the most copies. Let's break it down honestly:
? What's Really Going On With LGBTQ+ Fiction?
Truth: LGBTQ+ books are seeing more representation and more agent/publisher interest.
There’s a growing push—especially in YA and romantasy—for diverse identities.
Agents and editors are actively seeking LGBTQ+ narratives because they’re underrepresented historically, not because they outsell all other genres.
Misconception: LGBTQ+ fiction is outselling all other genres.
That’s not true industry-wide. LGBTQ+ books represent a small slice of total book sales.
According to BookScan/NPD data from recent years, the top-selling genres remain:
Romance
Thriller/Suspense
Fantasy
General Adult Fiction
LGBTQ+ titles do show up in viral circles (BookTok, awards, media lists), but their overall sales volume is far lower than general commercial fiction.
? So why the buzz?
The demand from gatekeepers (agents, editors, festival organizers) doesn’t always align with the broader market sales data.
This push for LGBTQ+ content is part of a larger industry movement toward inclusion, especially in traditional publishing.
? A More Grounded Look at Genre Sales (US & Global, recent years)
Genre
% of Market / Trend
Romance
~23–30% of all fiction book sales (includes romantasy)
Thriller/Suspense
~17–20%
Fantasy
~15% (fastest growth in print + eBook)
Science Fiction
~8–10%
Historical Fiction
~6–8%
LGBTQ+ Fiction
< 3% (growing but niche by sales, more popular in YA)
(source: NPD BookScan, Statista, Author Earnings reports, 2023–2024 industry surveys)
? Your Intuition Is Sound
You’re noticing the gap between:
Visibility (what's trending or being highlighted)
Viability (what agents say they want)
Velocity (what actually sells fast and in volume)
This is a real and well-known tension in publishing. Think of LGBTQ+ fiction right now like:
Indie films: critically celebrated, publicly visible, sometimes viral—but not usually blockbusters.
Genre blends: often find homes in niche audiences or go viral if well-written, but require strong positioning.
? What It Means for Your Project
If your story could fall under LGBTQ+ fiction but is also genre (say, fantasy, horror, thriller, etc.), that’s actually an advantage:
You can pitch it as genre-first with LGBTQ+ characters, which is more commercially viable.
You don’t have to box it into a niche unless that’s your target.
You’re not late or overly lucky—you’re well positioned. But marketing will matter.
I wanted to know what I was really working with by walking the path I chose for this project. Had I not heard the silver on the tongue, I might've been led down a road of high hopes and grand expectations. The truth is, my project is so out-there that when it comes to "target audience" I might be talking to a wall--just no one there. So better to know that going in than think it's all sunshine and rainbows.
What I like about this, from the reading, is how well you engage the reader's senses. I mean, you visually were stunning, even if others might not appreciate the haphazard short sentences and run-offs.
Do you say enough to keep the reader going?
Without a doubt.
Does the writing flash with atmosphere and mood?
Definitely.
Already, I'm imagining this is indeed psychological horror, and it could eventually culminate in destruction of a character down the line.
You're illustrating pure chaos with your writing here, there's nothing substantial to it, nothing flowing, it's jerking like a wild rapids. And that's exactly the kind of writing you want to do, if you're telling a story filled with chaos - with chaos in the writing itself.
That's pure genius.
So, yes, keep up the good work. It's very well done. ?
I went back and revised my work in regards to some of the excellent critiques in this thread but your words refreshed my sense of staying true to the spirit of this endeavor. It tickled a smile out of me to realize that someone sensed a form of intent there in the chaos--and swam with it.
That's an interesting quote. I never liked lying to people in my "readings". At the time, I thought I had some sort of insight into something mystical. I later learned it was unintentional cold reading, pattern recognition, and predictive analysis based on quick--and accidental--psychological profiles. So deeper down, I think the recoil was a resistance to the realization that I really had no idea what I was doing. Either way--still a charlatan.
In his book Flim-Flam, James Randi had a section about where, when he was starting out he got a job as a writer for a newspaper. The astrologer went on vacation and he, as the new guy, was tapped to take her place (then she sent a letter saying she was not returning, so his name appeared on the column!).
He went through the charts, dutifully wrote what they suggested, and called it a day. The second day he did this, he spent a morning sitting in a coffee shop, moving from table to table to sit near people reading the newspaper. A lot of them were talking about how accurate the new astrologer was. He was kind of chuffed at this, but by the end of the week, decided to make an experiment. Instead of writing what the charts said he should, he wrote the exact opposite. Again, he spent his second day sitting at the coffee shop, eavesdropping on people reading the paper. Again, with the results reversed from what the charts suggested, the people were STILL praising the accuracy of this "new astrologer"!
Wow - then by all accounts my story that is floundering on PocketFM should be doing well (Between Earth and Pyrroth - portal fantasy with some LGBTQ characters, horror notes, but also High Fantasy and Urban Fantasy bits), and the one that is actually taking off should be pretty much ignored (Digital Cowboy Dane - Isekai Western with a LitRPG-ish System).
Sorry if this turned out awfully harsh. You have a well-written chapter, so I'm going through as an editor would, picking up the smallest details I can see that need fixing.
I am going through this like an actual published novel, as publishers would do, not as a webnovel.
So the bar is significantly higher and therefore take everything with a grain of salt.
That dream again... always lingering at the door to nightmare.
The city in ruins, the sky bruised and torn. A ghostly breeze coaxed the overcast along, whispering through the rusty chain-link below. Twisted metal clinked against the rubble like hollow bones, chiming faintly in the eerie calm.
Weeds pushed up through the asphalt. Patient. Quiet. Their leaves swaying in silent worship to the wail of the wind. Veins of delicate ivy traced the exposed urban sinew of a world flayed by time and neglect.
Nature had moved on with neither malice nor mercy. The earth reached out, wrapping its arms around something forgotten. Like a stepmother’s embrace--it felt almost intimate, practiced, and hollow at the core.
What made it so real was the smell. Wet paper, dry dirt, and something old...
Like rot under clean snow.
A low boom of thunder echoed overhead before rolling off into the distance, as if to leave it all behind.
This is nice, and poetic, with a good sense of rhythm. Only thing is that I don't understand is its purpose. Clearly its acting as a sudo-hook in terms of letting the reader know that there is more to this world then meets the eye, but it is too vague in what is actually telling the reader, and it is unclear whether or not this will lead to a satisfactory payoff.
If readers even remember it.
Honestly, my brain kind of glossed over it on a first read. I understood it was a dream from the start, so there was no confusion when Max woke up, but that also meant I wasn’t particularly invested in the words I was reading. There’s no clear emotional or narrative consequence to the dream, so it fades quickly from memory once the real story starts.
Some feedback I can give is to give some concrete details about its meaning and purpose. Not trying to compare to my own work, but for example, my short prologue hints at the fact that the characters of my story are being watched by higher beings.
While the dream is gorgeously written, it doesn’t clearly establish a metaphor or symbol that ties into Max’s internal struggle.
So even if it is symbolic, the story doesn’t gesture back to it in any way. Which means the reader forgets it.
As it is now, it reads like a undeniably great intro, just that it is creating misleading expectations to hook readers. Forgotten as soon as the main character wakes.
Some ideas I had, forgive me if I didn't understand the story correctly, “the door to nightmare” might suggest this is just the start of a nightmare. If so, you could consider having Melanie appear in the dream and stop it, which would make sense if she’s a manifestation of Max’s attempt to protect himself. That would immediately elevate her role and make the dream feel more integral.
Either that, or actual symbols that readers can latch onto, maybe even a line that repeats.
Like the line: The earth reached out, wrapping its arms around something forgotten. Like a stepmother’s embrace...
While poetic, I have no idea how to imagine this. I suppose it is more of a feeling that the main character is feeling, but it is presented as an actual thing happening.
Forgive me if I am wrong, but I suspect this is a line Chatgpt added, that you yourself as the author don't know the meaning off, but kept as you liked the sound. I'm only saying, as I have done the very same thing. Only stopped when I realised that it is painfully obvious to readers when the author doesn't have a clear idea of what they even want from AI when they use it.
As it is, the dream doesn’t feel like it belongs or pays off.
I think you can start to see what I meant by harsh feedback. Don't take it too hard. You are the author, and ultimately, those decisions are yours.
Ok so here I want to address the whole bathroom scene. While generally well written dialogue, nothing really happens. The conversation starts to drag on circling the same ideas. Which there are a lot of.
Here are the themes I counted, many more potentially that I missed.
Identity, masculinity, shame, repression, and the existential dread of routine.
While similar ideas, there is no clear throughline connecting these. Added the fact that nothing much is said more then just showing that Max is simply dealing with these ideas, and they start to fall flat, making his arc murky. I know you want to keep the mystery of Melanie until the reveal before the party where they switch, but honesty, this only confuses readers.
Pushing the reveal could give you this very throughline, connecting these ideas.
Also pacing is very slow in the bathroom scene, maybe could consider cutting some parts for later?
Or maybe a memory from his childhood that might hint at why he turned out the way he did or something? Honestly not sure.
I'll give a line by line like you did me. It is very helpful to see how readers interpret your words in real time
That dream again... always lingering at the door to nightmare.
->Ok... a dream sequence. The wording makes me think that its just a prelude to the actual nightmare.
The city in ruins, the sky bruised and torn. A ghostly breeze coaxed the overcast along, whispering through the rusty chain-link below. Twisted metal clinked against the rubble like hollow bones, chiming faintly in the eerie calm.
Weeds pushed up through the asphalt. Patient. Quiet. Their leaves swaying in silent worship to the wail of the wind. Veins of delicate ivy traced the exposed urban sinew of a world flayed by time and neglect.
-> nice imagery, am imaging a ruined ghost city, post-apocalyptic vibes, time has clearly passed from the event that caused this.
Nature had moved on with neither malice nor mercy. The earth reached out, wrapping its arms around something forgotten. Like a stepmother’s embrace--it felt almost intimate, practiced, and hollow at the core.
->??? Am I supposed to imagine it literally, like the dirt rising as if controlled by an earthbender from avatar, wrapping around the main character, or is the world itself bending around him.
What made it so real was the smell. Wet paper, dry dirt, and something old...
Like rot under clean snow.
A low boom of thunder echoed overhead before rolling off into the distance, as if to leave it all behind.
Max woke up suddenly. His eyes flicked open.
->Ok, so the dream is over. Feels like I might have missed some symbolism or something important
Still here.
The morning light angled through the blinds, painting soft lines across the room. The bird was chirping again. It always came with the dawn. Max lay there, watching the dust particles dance through the light. He wondered if it was the same bird every morning.
->Ok, now into a normal wake up sequence. Was the dream supposed to be a premonition then? Or is it just a representation of Max's mind?
"Probably," the voice said, slipping into his thoughts. It wasn’t his voice, but it used his mouth when it wanted to.
He rolled his head to the side and looked at his alarm clock. Eight minutes.
"Ohhh," it cooed. "Still time."
->The alarm clock???
His bed was warm. The blankets were cozy. His pillow soft. The comfort cradled him--invited him to stay with the promise of recovery. But Max was already slipping from the covers. Feet on the cold floor. Muscle memory. Ritual. He didn’t need to think. That was the point.
Click.
The bathroom light felt surgical. The cold porcelain of the sink bit into his palms. Max blinked into the mirror, watching his reflection like a stranger. It blinked back at him. Mimicking his every move. Mocking him with the same messy hair. The same shadowed eyes. The same outfit from the night before.
We keep them separate.
-> He keeps his nightlife and day life separate?
Max reached for the sink faucet, turning it on with a rusty squeak. The water bubbled and splashed, swirling down the drain. He reached for a washcloth, wetting one corner before wiping at his eyes.
We don't mix them. That's the rule.
"You know, a lot of guys wear eyeliner!" the voice teased.
->Wears eyeliner in nightlife?
Melanie was like that.
Always teasing. Always pushing. Always testing the boundaries--where her world ended and his began.
-> His lover? No...
"Nah," Max said casually. He stopped scrubbing and checked the washcloth. A smear of makeup stained the fabric. "It's not really my thing."
He brushed his teeth. Shaved around the stubble he liked to pretend looked deliberate. Washed the evidence off his face. Washed the guilt off his hands.
"Last night was amazing," Melanie sighed. "I can't wait to go back!"
"You're exhausting," Max replied. "What's with you lately?"
"Me?" Her voice squeaked. "I can't help it you're all mopey and tired," she paused. He could almost hear her thoughts. "...not unless you let me."
->Here it clicked for me. I already knew of the LGBTQ themes, but now I realise, Max and Melanie are the same, separated as a nightlife/daylife persona's. This follows the themes of masculinity
The lights flickered. Max didn’t move. His gaze fixated, lost in trance. In the mirror, the ceiling tiles warped. The walls chipped. He saw vines pushing through the grout. A crack in the ceiling that wasn’t there yesterday. Something moved behind him. It shimmered--invisible--like heat off the pavement. A buzzing sound droned faintly in his ears.
Max reached out slowly, in a daze, and touched the glass. Cold. Solid. Real. But behind it, something moved. The surface hummed against his fingertips. Something whispered in the back of his head. Not words. Just pressure. Color. Static. Max blinked. The bathroom was fine--but the mirror seemed to groan with disappointment.
"Not gonna happen," he said quietly. "We made a deal."
-> They are like a split mind then, bantering and bartering like siblings...
This follows the themes of identity and repression, him hiding this side of his identity.
Melanie didn't respond. Max could feel her, though. He could feel everything she felt--and that was the problem. He didn't like having to tell her no. Melanie saved his life the day they met. She had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, throwing herself between Max and the danger--and she had been there for him ever since. Melanie was the only one who ever saw him for what he was and stayed anyway. He loved her in his own way... but sometimes she asked too much.
->She appeared as a self-defence mechanism for Max. Lean into this more, weave her into every thought that Max has, show her as a constant presence in Max's life, like the nightmare as a more symbolic version of this idea.
Max continued his morning ritual. Clean up. Hide the evidence. Get ready for work. Black pants, button-up shirt, slip-resistant shoes that looked expensive but weren’t. He tucked in his shirt and straightened his tie before checking himself in the mirror again. Just a waiter.
-> Trying to bury the evidence. Trying to avoid the shame of this double life. Also contrasts well with mundanity of day job
And on it goes.
Lots of ideas thrown into this scene, feeling natural in their progression and realistic. But I only got that far understanding the Max/Melanie split as the throughline connecting it all. Most readers won't go in as deep as I did and miss it completely, only taking the surface level details at face value.
Make that clearer by not being afraid to reveal the split early, which is the connective tissue between everything. Without that context, the emotional core, it falls flat.
USER: I don't know... this information seems dubious. LGBT books a top seller? Out of the whole industry? That seems unlikely. And don't get me wrong. The story I'm working on right now could probably go under that genre. But I'm thinking about population statistics in the back of my mind when I see that and my brain is feeling a disconnect there. Are you sure? If that's what it is, then that's what it is. I'm more worried that some form of prompt-weight marketing is trying to pave me an illusion of sunshine and dreams. My luck does not usually land me so... on the mark.
GPT:
Your skepticism is completely valid—and frankly, wise. There is a big difference between what’s being actively promoted, what’s being published, and what’s actually selling the most copies. Let's break it down honestly:
? What's Really Going On With LGBTQ+ Fiction?
Truth: LGBTQ+ books are seeing more representation and more agent/publisher interest.
There’s a growing push—especially in YA and romantasy—for diverse identities.
Agents and editors are actively seeking LGBTQ+ narratives because they’re underrepresented historically, not because they outsell all other genres.
Misconception: LGBTQ+ fiction is outselling all other genres.
That’s not true industry-wide. LGBTQ+ books represent a small slice of total book sales.
According to BookScan/NPD data from recent years, the top-selling genres remain:
Romance
Thriller/Suspense
Fantasy
General Adult Fiction
LGBTQ+ titles do show up in viral circles (BookTok, awards, media lists), but their overall sales volume is far lower than general commercial fiction.
? So why the buzz?
The demand from gatekeepers (agents, editors, festival organizers) doesn’t always align with the broader market sales data.
This push for LGBTQ+ content is part of a larger industry movement toward inclusion, especially in traditional publishing.
Wow - then by all accounts my story that is floundering on PocketFM should be doing well (Between Earth and Pyrroth - portal fantasy with some LGBTQ characters, horror notes, but also High Fantasy and Urban Fantasy bits), and the one that is actually taking off should be pretty much ignored (Digital Cowboy Dane - Isekai Western with a LitRPG-ish System).
Just giving my own thoughts on the LGBTQ aspects, in terms of pure marketability, yes a lot publishers are looking for it, but that does not necessarily translate into actual readers.
Personally, like a majority of the population, I'm not not part of the LGBTQ community, or even personally know anyone in the community. Nothing against, its just that I find it difficult see the romances and how they feel.
Because of this, a novel being marketed as LGBTQ actually dissuades me from reading it. It is great to have characters that are part of the community, even the main character, if romance isn't the focus.
But I, like I assume a lot readers, just can't relate to LGBTQ romances.
Sure if its well written it can be great. But if readers don't read past the LGBTQ label, it doesn't matter.
Marketing as LGBTQ actually creates a barrier for a lot of readers. I hesitate to say a majority, as a lot of people who do not identify with the community could perceive the genre differently then me. But I know for a fact alot of readers share the same views as me.
Unless the entire story revolves around the sexuality of the characters, or it is central to the arcs of characters, marketing a story as LGBTQ first, or even at all, makes the story less clickable for a majority of readers.
Of course not saying to not market as LGBTQ if that is what your story is about, its just something to think about.
Yes, publishers might jump for it. But Publishers ≠ Readers.
Don't let ChatGPT talk you into adding LGBTQ aspects just for marketability. If you genuinely have something to say about it, or want to write about it, that is different and you should do that.
If it is only side-characters, then don't even mention that it is LGBTQ. Sure, it might increase appeal to the community, but they are a minority, and would only serve to dissuade more who might assume the main romances are LGBTQ.
But a story is just that, a story. If the core isn't good, it doesn't matter how it is marketed. It just won't do well.
No hate, just stating my own ideas. I personally don't write LGBTQ characters, because I don't have anything meaningful to say, and would have difficulty writing anyways due to no personal experience.
Feel free to ignore this. I was just thinking about it while bouncing ideas for a character with ChatGPT, and it kept pushing for me to make them part of the community.
Write whatever you feel like you want, ignore this if you disagree, but its just something to think about.
Personally, like a majority of the population, I'm not not part of the LGBTQ community, or even personally know anyone in the community. Nothing against, its just that I find it difficult see the romances and how they feel.
Oh, I'm not either - but met a few in college and more shortly after. Been including LGBTQ characters, on and off, in my writing since the 1990s - only time one was a focus was as part of an ensemble cast (and her sexuality led to more asides than anything else - like her rating the girlfriends of one character, or another character, meeting her out of costume - superheroes - for the first time hitting on her, and she replies: "Oh, you're wasting your charm on me - I'm a lesbian." he replies: "Oh! I'm so sorry!" "Don't be - I enjoy it. By the way, Merry Christmas." "Heh - I'm Jewish." "Oh! I'm sorry!" "Don't be - I rather enjoy it!").
If it is only side-characters, then don't even mention that it is LGBTQ. Sure, it might increase appeal to the community, but they are a minority, and would only serve to dissuade more who might assume the main romances are LGBTQ.
Heh - I've gotten attacked for that exact same attitude (back in the early days of Twitter). There is a group that believes it should be marketed that way, whether it's one minor character or a driving focus of the plot - and anything less is "being a hater."
Key Takeaways
Misconception: LGBTQ+ fiction is outselling all other genres.