Looking for advice on improving my story

D

Deleted member 192215

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Zenomew said:
Hi,I have recently been working on a parody fantasy story but honestly I feel like it's lacking

Just let me know what I should do to improve it

This is my first proper parody epic fantasy

I am the Hero (NOT) - Ch 1 beginning after the end | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com www.scribblehub.com
Click to expand...
Its alright, you need a LOT of Improvement. Probably not my favorite. My ADHD Needs constant dopamine.

You ask for it.

The flow felt so fast, it is like a speeding train. I did not even try to enjoy the first thing I see in the world. It just let me get to the destination like I'm rushing for work. Fix the the flow.

There are many strips like Chicken strips of strips, and too much of them. You use them a lot where it was not supposed to be there.

Why is there are monologue options here? Is there any reason to put into a storytelling? You are telling a story not a Visual Novel. How about delete those. It is just bunch of writeware.

Why is there a lot (this). You use this to remind somewhat like this: Three Groups (Alpha, Beta, and Charlie) go together. Not some long-ass paragraph calendar reminder. Rewrite a lot of part that use it, make them part of the paragraph.

Describing some of the actions, and world building are too short.

Write longer, minimum 2K words.

That is all from me.
By any means, I'm no writing expert.
 
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OokamiKasumi

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