Lets play a little game about paragraphs.

[laccoff_mawning]

So I thought I'd take some of the discussion about paragraphing seriously and do a little test on my own work. The excerpt I'm about to present is from the chapter I'm currently working on. I'll present it to you in a few different ways, and I'd like for you to vote on which one you prefer most.

Here's how it works: The excerpt is split into three parts. Please try to choose one option for each part. That is, you should try and vote exactly thrice in the poll.

Spoiler: Excerpt- Edited Version

Are we really going to do this?

[This system doesn't see any reason why Fat Rat would be joking.]

The last time we met the Red Hawks, they picked a fight with us. So it's not like I have a good impression of them, but going out and deliberately picking a fight with them seems a bit off to me.

[Technically, the Red Hawks only picked a fight with you. The Yellow Rat clan interrupted halfway through.]

Oh. That's true. I guess Fat Rat picked a fight with them back then, too.

We briefly stop at a crossroads, for a breather.

"Straight ahead leads to Red Hawk territory," Fat Rat takes a swig from his water pouch. "While we want to pick a fight with them, we don't really want to be fightin' too deep into their turf. Which way should we head, left or right?"

[If the host wants to avoid a confrontation with the Red Hawks, this system suggests heading right.]

"Let's head left here!" If Beachball is telling me I should go right, I think that means we should actually head left!

"But you've never been here before. How'd you know where to go?"

I shrug. "Gut feeling?"

"Sure, I guess. Unless anyone thinks otherwise, left we go, boys!"

Spoiler: Excerpt- Unedited Version

Are we really going to do this?

[This system doesn't see any reason why Fat Rat would be joking.]

The last time we met the Red Hawks, they picked a fight with us. So it's not like I have a good impression of them, but going out and deliberately picking a fight with them seems a bit off to me.

[Technically, the Red Hawks only picked a fight with you. The Yellow Rat clan interrupted halfway through.]

Oh. That's true. I guess Fat Rat picked a fight with them back then, too.

We briefly stop at a crossroads, for a breather. Fat Rat calls over to the rest of us.

"Straight ahead leads to Red Hawk territory. While we want to pick a fight with them, we don't really want to be fightin' too deep into their turf. Which way should we head, left or right?"

[If the host wants to avoid a confrontation with the Red Hawks, this system suggests heading right.]

...

"Let's head left here!" I suggest.

If Beachball is telling me I should go right, I think that means we should actually head left!

"But you've never been here before. How'd you know where to go?"

I shrug. "Gut feeling?"

"Sure, I guess. Unless anyone thinks otherwise, left we go, boys!"

Part 1:

Spoiler: Part 1 Option A

We briefly stop at a crossroads, for a breather.

"Straight ahead leads to Red Hawk territory," Fat Rat takes a swig from his water pouch. "While we want to pick a fight with them, we don't really want to be fightin' too deep into their turf. Which way should we head, left or right?"

[If the host wants to avoid a confrontation with the Red Hawks, this system suggests heading right.]

Spoiler: Part 1 option B

We briefly stop at a crossroads, for a breather.

"Straight ahead leads to Red Hawk territory," Fat Rat calls over to the rest of us. "While we want to pick a fight with them, we don't really want to be fightin' too deep into their turf. Which way should we head, left or right?"

[If the host wants to avoid a confrontation with the Red Hawks, this system suggests heading right.]

Spoiler: Part 1 option C

We briefly stop at a crossroads, for a breather. Fat Rat calls over to the rest of us.

"Straight ahead leads to Red Hawk territory. While we want to pick a fight with them, we don't really want to be fightin' too deep into their turf. Which way should we head, left or right?"

[If the host wants to avoid a confrontation with the Red Hawks, this system suggests heading right.]

Part 2:

Spoiler: Part 2 option A

[If the host wants to avoid a confrontation with the Red Hawks, this system suggests heading right.]

"Let's head left here!"

Spoiler: Part 2 option B

[If the host wants to avoid a confrontation with the Red Hawks, this system suggests heading right.]

...

"Let's head left here!"

Spoiler: Part 2 option C

[If the host wants to avoid a confrontation with the Red Hawks, this system suggests heading right.]

I stare at Beachball.

"Let's head left here!"

Part 3:

Spoiler: Part 3 option A

"Let's head left here!" If Beachball is telling me I should go right, I think that means we should actually head left!

"But you've never been here before. How'd you know where to go?"

I shrug. "Gut feeling?"

"Sure, I guess. Unless anyone thinks otherwise, left we go, boys!"

Spoiler: Part 3 option B

"Let's head left here!"

If Beachball is telling me I should go right, I think that means we should actually head left!

"But you've never been here before. How'd you know where to go?"

I shrug. "Gut feeling?"

"Sure, I guess. Unless anyone thinks otherwise, left we go, boys!"

Spoiler: Part 3 option C

"Let's head left here!" I suggest.

If Beachball is telling me I should go right, I think that means we should actually head left!

"But you've never been here before. How'd you know where to go?"

I shrug. "Gut feeling?"

"Sure, I guess. Unless anyone thinks otherwise, left we go, boys!"

Now, let the voting commence!

For context, the threads I'm referencing are: One Sentence Paragraphs -- Trending in Free stories posted Everywhere. and [Tutorial] The Secret to Proper Paragraphing and Dialogue

 

[TinaMigarlo]

my writing looks like option C on the first two examples. I now refuse to put prose, inside the quotes. Nor before it or after it. I gopt tired opf the rules of commas inside or outside quotes and when, and everyone has their own preferences and all that. Screw it. Its clear and concise to me, that dialogue gets its own line (technically a paragraph)