Just was curious

[EMatthews18]

I know that this is a reader thread but I figured I’d get word out about my storyline, I am rewriting. It’s about a vampire K-pop star and the events that unfold when his best friend to love becomes a vampire. Heads up: it might not be for everyone because K-pop isn’t, nor are vampires or queer love stories but I just wanted to spread the word ahead of time. It is a WIP I’ll update as I go:

Vampire Idol: Blood Bonded

Darius Myeong-Jun is a member of the popular K-Pop trio City of Angels. The kicker is, he has a secret only known to few: he is a Vampire. He became one at 18 years old, and is now 21, only a few fans know of his undead state. Whenever he leaves a...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[LeilaniOtter]

I know that this is a reader thread but I figured I’d get word out about my storyline, I am rewriting. It’s about a vampire K-pop star and the events that unfold when his best friend to love becomes a vampire. Heads up: it might not be for everyone because K-pop isn’t, nor are vampires or queer love stories but I just wanted to spread the word ahead of time. It is a WIP I’ll update as I go:

Vampire Idol: Blood Bonded

Darius Myeong-Jun is a member of the popular K-Pop trio City of Angels. The kicker is, he has a secret only known to few: he is a Vampire. He became one at 18 years old, and is now 21, only a few fans know of his undead state. Whenever he leaves a...

www.scribblehub.com

Hmm. Can you do a bit more with the synopsis please? I feel like it's not telling readers enough, and doesn't give them a reason to look.

 

[Racosharko]

You never said what you were curious about.

 

[EMatthews18]

Hmm. Can you do a bit more with the synopsis please? I feel like it's not telling readers enough, and doesn't give them a reason to look.

Oh absolutely I can do that. Not a problem!

You never said what you were curious about.

Just was gonna see if I could get reads/views that’s all. I write for fun and one day was looking to publish on Apple Books so I wanna test out if my stuff would be okay enough. That’s all. :)

 

[Racosharko]

Just was gonna see if I could get reads/views that’s all.

Oh

 

[EMatthews18]

Ok guys I added more to my description!!! Just wanted to update!!

 

[LeilaniOtter]

Ok guys I added more to my description!!! Just wanted to update!!

Okay, still needs a little more punch to it. This is what I read:

"Darius Myeong-Jun is a member of the popular K-Pop trio City of Angels. The kicker is, he has a secret only known to few: he is a Vampire. He became one at 18 years old, and is now 23, only a few fans know of his undead state. Whenever he leaves a show and comes across Antonio Cortez, his best friend’s older brother, in an alleyway after a vampire attack, Darius must help his friend adjust to his undead condition…but he never expected to fall in love with Antonio!!!"

This is how I would probably write it:

23-year old Darius Myeong-Jun is a member of the popular K-Pop trio City of Angels. But he has a dark secret that only a few of his fans know: he has been a vampire for five years. When he leaves a show one night and comes across Antonio Cortez, his best friend’s older brother, lying dazed and bleeding in an alleyway after a vampire attack, Darius must help Antonio adjust to his undead condition…but he never expected to fall in love with him!

Boom, now this gets more attention. I still think we need to figure out why there was a vampire attack. Do Darius and Antonio join forces to find the rogue vampire who attacked Antonio and stop him? (because you could add that too!)

 

[EMatthews18]

Okay, still needs a little more punch to it. This is what I read:

"Darius Myeong-Jun is a member of the popular K-Pop trio City of Angels. The kicker is, he has a secret only known to few: he is a Vampire. He became one at 18 years old, and is now 23, only a few fans know of his undead state. Whenever he leaves a show and comes across Antonio Cortez, his best friend’s older brother, in an alleyway after a vampire attack, Darius must help his friend adjust to his undead condition…but he never expected to fall in love with Antonio!!!"

This is how I would probably write it:

23-year old Darius Myeong-Jun is a member of the popular K-Pop trio City of Angels. But he has a dark secret that only a few of his fans know: he has been a vampire for five years. When he leaves a show one night and comes across Antonio Cortez, his best friend’s older brother, lying dazed and bleeding in an alleyway after a vampire attack, Darius must help Antonio adjust to his undead condition…but he never expected to fall in love with him!

Boom, now this gets more attention. I still think we need to figure out why there was a vampire attack. Do Darius and Antonio join forces to find the rogue vampire who attacked Antonio and stop him? (because you could add that too!)

OMG!!! You’re a genius. I am definitely doing that. And I’m diving into that in chapter 1. My Inciting incident is coming. Oh and the guys are friends to lovers so they are a team for sure in facing the clan.

 

[LeilaniOtter]

OMG!!! You’re a genius. I am definitely doing that. And I’m diving into that in chapter 1. My Inciting incident is coming. Oh and the guys are friends to lovers so they are a team for sure in facing the clan.

ADD THAT. That is totally going to punch it up even more then... *^^* (I'd read it; I'm just not the BL type) *^^*

 

[EMatthews18]

ADD THAT. That is totally going to punch it up even more then... *^^* (I'd read it; I'm just not the BL type) *^^*

That’s fine!! I appreciate your help!!! I’ll have other stuff later on. Next project I have is a zombie secret agent story.

 

[LeilaniOtter]

That’s fine!! I appreciate your help!!! I’ll have other stuff later on. Next project I have is a zombie secret agent story.

So...how about:

23-year old Darius Myeong-Jun is a member of the popular K-Pop trio City of Angels. But he has a dark secret that only a few of his fans know: he has been a vampire for five years. He leaves a show one night and comes across Antonio Cortez, his best friend’s older brother, lying dazed and bleeding in an alleyway after a vampire attack. Now, Darius must help Antonio adjust to his undead condition, and track down a clan of renegade vampires - all while fighting his feelings for him.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Is there a reason for the Latinate first names and clearly Korean family name of the MC? Or the Spanish name of his best friend?
I mean, there are K-Dramas that pull this kind of mix off (Vincenzo comes to mind, though there was a coming-of-age series my wife watched where the girl grew up in America but went to college in Seoul - and was half Korean, half Caucasian, in an international school) but those seem to be either rare exceptions, or just something Netflix and Hulu's Korean subchannel don't like to carry.

 

[EMatthews18]

Is there a reason for the Latinate first names and clearly Korean family name of the MC? Or the Spanish name of his best friend?
I mean, there are K-Dramas that pull this kind of mix off (Vincenzo comes to mind, though there was a coming-of-age series my wife watched where the girl grew up in America but went to college in Seoul - and was half Korean, half Caucasian, in an international school) but those seem to be either rare exceptions, or just something Netflix and Hulu's Korean subchannel don't like to carry.

Fixed it. See, my character has his Korean surname because his father’s Korean, but the mom was Italian: I went with Myeong-Jung now. And as for the love interest the love interest Antonio is Latino. Hence why he’s named Antonio Cortez. Spanish and Italian overlap.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Fixed it. See, my character has his Korean surname because his father’s Korean, but the mom was Italian: I went with Myeong-Jung now. And as for the love interest the love interest Antonio is Latino. Hence why he’s named Antonio Cortez. Spanish and Italian overlap.

So, in other words, yes, there IS a reason... :D (Much like in the two Kdramas I mentioned).

My wife has been watching some odd Asian movies filmed in two-minute bursts, and they keep giving the characters English names, which feel so out of place it makes it hard to take the stories seriously. Especially when they sometimes leave ONE name in the original Chinese but change the rest, so "Steve" is the rival of "Bill" for Ho-Ni's hand in marriage, but she's a martial arts master who wants to kick the teeth out of both of these idiots and marry a werewolf named "Dave." Or something like that - maybe that was just snippets of three or four that she watched in one day.

 

[EMatthews18]

So, in other words, yes, there IS a reason... :D (Much like in the two Kdramas I mentioned).

My wife has been watching some odd Asian movies filmed in two-minute bursts, and they keep giving the characters English names, which feel so out of place it makes it hard to take the stories seriously. Especially when they sometimes leave ONE name in the original Chinese but change the rest, so "Steve" is the rival of "Bill" for Ho-Ni's hand in marriage, but she's a martial arts master who wants to kick the teeth out of both of these idiots and marry a werewolf named "Dave." Or something like that - maybe that was just snippets of three or four that she watched in one day.

Lol yep!!