Just started writing a new sci-fi novel. Share me yours too!

[CosmiXQueen]

Hey! I'm a 15 year old author who just joined Tapas.

I've been wanting to try it for some time now, to publish my manuscript- The Last Seven Hours as an web novel. I would love to see how others feel about it on a global scale, and improve my writing with your help. Thank you!

(I just published my first chapter yesterday, and I promise it won't disappoint)

Description:
An ancient battle- forgotten amongst the sears of time.
A secret- heavily guarded.
And a deadline- seven, suffocating hours.
That's all you get to save the world.

Ishar, a brave, young soldier, discovers a shocking revelation, bigger than anything he's ever faced on his missions.
All while battling his inner demons and shocking betrayals, this young soldier must piece together these broken mysteries, that have been unheard of since centuries. Combining ancient knowledge with modern tech, Ishar must find a way to stop a terror attack before it's too late.
Only this time- the monsters are from the heavens themselves.

Together with his comrades, can this energetic team take down their biggest challenge yet?
There's only one way to find out.


Genre: Thriller, Science-Fiction, Mystery
Type: Short Novel
Link:https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1622297/the-last-seven-hours/

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Description:
An ancient battle- forgotten amongst the sears of time.

Don't think that's the right word - probably "seas" or maybe "scars" of time?

A secret- heavily guarded.
And a deadline- seven, suffocating hours.
That's all you get to save the world.

The "you" is a bit disconcerting here - should probably "that's all that's left" or "that's all they get" or something?

Ishar, a brave, young soldier, discovers a shocking revelation, bigger than anything he's ever faced on his missions.
All while battling his inner demons and shocking betrayals, this young soldier must piece together these broken mysteries, that have been unheard of since centuries. Combining ancient knowledge with modern tech, Ishar must find a way to stop a terror attack before it's too late.

There is some very clumsy construction there - if the actual book is this awkward, you have some solid potential but need a firm editor for it to be realized. I would suggest just taking apart that paragraph and putting it back together a few times to see if you can come up with something that is "cleaner" and flows better. This sounds like bullet points tossed into AI to make a couple of sentences without seeing how they fit together.

 

[Macha]

Please don't use bright colors for the texts! My eyes are hurting.

 

[Alski]

Adding my 2¢.

1. Each sentence doesnt need its own line, group them to form coherant paragraphs.
2. Your little "A/N: This is going to get better" at the bottom of the page will lose you readers.