Just a newbie asking again for feedback ( but also for the last time)

[Squirrel]

I've actually tried two times to get feedbacks but failed both times due to technical errors. This is going to be the last time I am asking for this as I really don't have much expectations now. I know I have just posted four chapters about 5.3k words but this is said that first chapter is the main point of a book. According to my previous writing of the first chapter I did get a feedback and done some major changes. But still I'm very unsure. As I don't have any proof reader, I had to come here again and again. I also want to know about the synopsis quality.Every type of constructive opinion is welcomed.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/435714/how-should-i-call-you/

Maybe through this link or my signature you guys could see my story overall.

S.N.:if this time this link didn't work don't even bother to reply. Thanks

In short I don't know what had I posted. Just give me your opinions of my story. That's all

 

[Deeprotsorcerer]

Hi hi. Thanks for being brave enough to present your child to me to rIp OpEn ANd exAmIne ItS guTs.

I won't be gentle.

First, the synopsis:

Lu Xian was the best archer of the era and her beloved was the best swordsman. In their first life they couldn't bring those magical words of love to each other but fate was not that cruel to them as it had given them a second chance and now they could.....

This is very generic, and very vague. Sure it gives us the details we need but it does that and only that. Certain writers can get away with the "dry", "this is what is is and nothing more" writing, but that lends itself more to the sci-fi and millitary genres, and requires more detail to be interesting. You can see what I mean if you open up a novel that examines all the awesome specs of a rifle or the loadout and capabilites of the The Mikoyan MiG-35 before a fight, it's "detail porn" for lack of a better term. You don't have enough here for detail porn, or literary prose.

What can you offer me to make me care about Lu Xian? Entertain me.

"wait a hell minute!"

"what the hell!!! what did you do to me fate!?" Screamed Lu Xian out of her mind.

" Very well, this time I would be the one playing with you, dear",smirked Wu Qi.

Played fool by the fate in their past life, what would happen if they again crosspaths (in a different way)?

This screaming "so random" dialogue works for comedy stories, everywhere else it just feels immature. It also reads like ESL speech, which, unfortunately, can only be amended by more practice. English is a bitch, I know, and you deserve recognition for your efforts. If you want immediate improvement, find an editor, commission one if you have the coin and are willing to spend it on this fic, but I'm certain that you can find at least one person willing to help for free if you pillage the darkest corners of the internet ( I recommend Reddit first, then Twitter).

I'll read the first chapter of How Should I Call You and drop a comment there.

No matter what I say though, know that I scrutinize writing harsher than most. Don't be discouraged, and don't give up. I want you to grow, it'll give me more... material.