Ithaca: Looking for feedback! (Greek Mythology fans especially)

[SaberStories]

Ithaca | The Odyssey

I've never really thought of myself as a "great writer," but it is one of my few passions. After getting inspired by The Odyssey and EPIC the Musical especially, I decided to write this for fun. I'm not necessarily aiming for a "masterpiece" or anything, but I would like to see others' opinions. All feedback is appreciated; go ahead and roast the hell out of me if you really feel like it.

P.S. I definitely will be rewriting the synopsis at some point in time.

 

[Hsinat]

Your prelude recounts is a compelling and atmospheric retelling of Troy’s fall, capturing the tension, deception, and inevitability of its destruction.

The introduction sets the tone well, portraying the war’s end as a moment of both triumph and doom. Odysseus’s intelligence and authority are evident, and his quiet command over his men adds to his legendary presence. The contrast between the oblivious Trojans and the focused Greeks heightens the suspense, while the imagery—darkness, torchlight, and silent assassinations—creates a vivid scene.

The writing is atmospheric and suspenseful, capturing the gravity of the moment. The contrast between the unwitting Trojans and the relentless Greeks adds to the dramatic tension.

A few adjustments to tighten the prose, clarify certain points, and heighten the drama could make it even more powerful.

Some sentences could be tightened for better pacing, and the emergence from the horse could be made more dramatic. Clarifying the opening metaphor would also help set the stage more effectively.

Otherwise, it's a pretty decent start! Keep it up!

 

[SaberStories]

Your prelude recounts is a compelling and atmospheric retelling of Troy’s fall, capturing the tension, deception, and inevitability of its destruction.

The introduction sets the tone well, portraying the war’s end as a moment of both triumph and doom. Odysseus’s intelligence and authority are evident, and his quiet command over his men adds to his legendary presence. The contrast between the oblivious Trojans and the focused Greeks heightens the suspense, while the imagery—darkness, torchlight, and silent assassinations—creates a vivid scene.

The writing is atmospheric and suspenseful, capturing the gravity of the moment. The contrast between the unwitting Trojans and the relentless Greeks adds to the dramatic tension.

A few adjustments to tighten the prose, clarify certain points, and heighten the drama could make it even more powerful.

Some sentences could be tightened for better pacing, and the emergence from the horse could be made more dramatic. Clarifying the opening metaphor would also help set the stage more effectively.

Otherwise, it's a pretty decent start! Keep it up!

Thanks for the feedback! I honestly thought the Prelude I wrote was kind of underwhelming myself, so I'm definitely going to go back and touch it up at some point if not completely rewrite it at some point.

 

[Hsinat]

Thanks for the feedback! I honestly thought the Prelude I wrote was kind of underwhelming myself, so I'm definitely going to go back and touch it up at some point if not completely rewrite it at some point.

It's quite a feat tackling Greek mythologies as there are many variations and false allegations. It's safe to stay true to the original source i.e. documentaries. You might know some webtoons...