It May Suck! But I Spell-Checked It Twice!

[Baomont]

I'm new to novel writing. More accustomed to note writing for running D&D campaigns so this is a large step in a new direction for me!

I'd love some honest feedback on my writing, even if you're only able to read the first chapter or two. Right now my only feedback is from my wife and she may be bias.

I really want to be short, to the point and catchy. I hate info/lore dumping and I'm hoping I'm still able to get across some of the world building in a simple and easily digestible way (but is it working?)

I value all feedback and genuinely want to know your thoughts/opinions.

So I have to Build a Kingdom in a New World?

He died holding a bag of bao buns. Now he’s stuck between a snarky goddess and a hard choice. After an embarrassing encounter with a girl from his past (and a fatal one with a van), an ordinary NEET wakes up in a realm between worlds. There, a playful...

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[StoneInky]

First Impressions:

The idea itself is pretty generic, but you wrote the synopsis in a way that somehow markets itself to be interesting? Anyway, I thought that was cool. You might benefit from adding a couple more tags, though.

You said you want to be short and catchy. Well, it works. I like the pacing and the prose, and it's not my kind of comedy, but I think it'll appeal to a certain audience.


Thoughts on the story:

Prologue, and I'm still uncertain with what is special about Bao? Is the trickster goddess playing a trick, or is she serious when she says he is special, for he is, for now, pretty generic(?)

First chapter. The exposition droning about the vampire guy and the NEET's house, leading up to the main content, is a tad long. I skipped through most of it. And I was confused because you left in the name of the vampire; I thought this was a completely different novel for a sec. He's not an important part of the story, so don't bother naming him.

Second chapter. Being able to choose one power, anything he wants, sounds broken. Did the goddess do that to be mischevious or does she not care about what would happen, or?

Next chapter. Here we get the biggest problem. Literal wolves are coming for the protagonist, but he just builds a shelter, takes an easy walk to get some water, finds berries... it feels like I'm reading about a guy on a picnic. No, it feels like I'm watching a play done on a set, about a guy going on a picnic. Even if the dude is unconcerned, I would expect the danger itself to at least feel more pronounced, with more atmosphere, so that it actually feels real.
Right now, it feels too calm, undetailed, and boring. Again, like props on a play. The protagonost's reactions are also nothing special.

In summary, the story lacks depth. I think it's cuz you went overboard on making everything easy to digest; don't worry, your readers aren't braindead. We can take it. You have very good pacing and surface humor, but you need more detailed settings and characterization to make things interesting.