Is this Novel Synopsis good? Please help this New User out.

[AnonUnlimited]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1105781/villains-contract-with-the-god/

This is for @Satan03

 

[ParticleOfSand]

Just me nitpicking.
1. On the third paragraph, maybe omit “the” from “the God.” Just seems odd to call God a thing.
2. I feel the revenge part from the 4th paragraph came out of nowhere. Either give a sentence or two explanation before it or omit it altogether.

 

[Loewenmensch]

Agree that the reference to revenge isn't set up well enough; based on the rest of the synopsis, I can't even guess how the story could end up involving revenge.

 

[MR_Ethan]

One word can add an endless amount of depth to a story. Whether it's the word 'but' or 'finally'. At first, I was intrigued with this 'The Loop'. It's just a basic and uninteresting two words. But that's why I like it. I feel like you could add a single word to this synopsis, or a few, that could make this really catch readers' attention

 

[UnknownSaint171]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1105781/villains-contract-with-the-god/

This is for @Satan03

I thought it was pretty good! It leaves you with a hook and question. However, the last two sentences feel off to me somehow, maybe there's a better way to shorten it but it's still good I guess

 

[ThrillingHuman]

Asher Amire Vaishè, the son of a wealthy aristocrat, finds everything about his life going at a seemingly perfect pace according to the narrative of a typical villain. However, there's one major problem that plagues him - the Loop.

It assumes the reader knows what a typical narrative for a villain is. I don't. Sue me
I'd change it to

Asher is the only heir of a wealthy Ducal household. He has everything one could ever wish for: wealth, friends, popularity, looks, intelligence and a bright cloudless future. Yet, his seemingly perfect life is plagued by a major problem. The Loop.

the original summary says "the son", so I assume he is the only son. I added this clarification into the summary.
I felt that just saying "wealthy aristocrat" is too vague. Now he is from a ducal house. Change according to actual situation.
I felt that "villain narrative" is not something I understand and it is annoying, so I removed it outright. I did clarify what his "perfect life" is.

He's stuck in a seemingly endless loop where the same events keep happening again and again, even if he attempts to change his actions. Will this time be different? Will he finally break free from the loop and be able to truly live and love?

Why is "Loop" not capitalised here? It was when it was introduced. Other problems are present too.
Changing to

He is stuck living through the same events over and over again, and he can't seem to change their course no matter how he tries.

I removed "will this be the final time" part because nothing prior indicates that this time is different.

And then he meets the God.


Will Asher be able to get his revenge? Will he be able to find what caused the loop?

"And then he meets the God" doesn't seem to be related to anything. Nothing about it is clarified. It seems to imply that previous paragraph's "will this time" and next are related to the "and then he meets God" but it should be clarified.
Changing to

One day he meets an entity claiming to be God and said entity claims to be able to help him, for a price.

With the help of the enygmatic "God", will Asher be able to break the chains of the Loop? Will he be able to afford the price?

This one ended up kinda derpy, but whatever. I added "for a price" because why not. Title says "villain's contract with a god" and contract implies price. Remove as you see fit.

my impression of the original summary

The title should involve the Loop in some way. Why is he a villain? What is God? Why is the Loop capitalised when introduced but not capitalised whenever it is mentioned later?

I would not read the story after reading the summary.

 

[NotaNuffian]

Everything was fine and generic until the line where MC meets "the God".

Then it all went downhill. Revenge? What?

If the idea was to get me interested, maybe, but I am more annoyed than interested.

Also, I understand why the author use "the God" instead of just the Almighty because the G here is a ROB (Random Omniscient Being) and not OUR big G.

Still, the line is jarring, like getting clotheslined by a wrestler while walking down a normal street.