Is this a good or bad description?

[Gryphon]

I don't think I'm the best at describing things, particularly places and people, so I want to see if its just me being hyper critical of myself or not. Can y'all tell me if this is good or not, and if not then what should I improve on? Hell, even if you like it still tell me what I should improve on:



When I walked into the building, I took a quick glance at my surroundings. The floor was made of black and white marble tiles placed in a chessboard pattern. That just made me wonder if chess was a thing in this world. A long garnet-colored rug with golden edges and tassels on each corner stretched from the doorway to the stairs that led to the second-floor balcony. The rug split the room into two symmetrical halves. The only furnishings in the room were two couches that matched the color scheme of the rug, both on opposite sides of the rug while facing each other.

The second-floor balcony started on the back and covered the side walls. Doors lined the wall, each of them most likely containing an office of some kind. There were four doors on each of the side walls on the second floor, but there was only one on the back wall. Right in front of the stairs that led up to the second floor were two crimson doors. It was plainly clear to see that those doors were where the guards were leading me.

I turned out to be right. The moment we made it up the stairs, each guard grabbed their side of the door and waited for me to stand in position. When they deemed I was close enough, they opened the doors and waited for me to go in. I stepped inside the room and the guards shut the door behind me, leaving me in a room with two other people.

The room had a similar color scheme as the main room. A chessboard-style floor with a red rug splitting it evenly in twine. Instead of leading to a flight of stairs, the rug stopped at a black and gray desk with two chairs facing toward the man sitting behind it.

One of the chairs was occupied by an elderly man wearing a sharp beige suit with a white undershirt. He looked the part of an aging businessman with a chipper but deceiving marketable grin and a practiced posture that took advantage of his height for such an old man. Strangely enough, despite having such a well-fashioned suit, the man wore no shoes, choosing to walk around with bare feet. I wasn’t sure if it was customary to remove footwear indoors, but there weren’t any shoes lying around as far as I could see.

The man behind the desk was a rather peculiar sight, however. He wore a purple suit left open to reveal a white undershirt with a shirt pocket stitched loosely on the right side of his chest. An orange handkerchief looped around his neck and tied into a collar that spilled into a triangular formation at the base of his chest. Placed on top of his head was a purple top hat that covered the entirety of his scalp so I was unable to see what his hair color was. Whether that was done as a fashion choice or so people coming in wouldn’t be able to discern what magic he could use wasn’t clear.

The choice of outfit wasn’t what made the man stand out. Instead, it was his face. White makeup covered his entire face, leaving no skin unmarked. A rosy blush was applied to his cheeks to liven up his appearance, but all it did was make him look even more unnatural. The purple lip gloss that came together in a pointed artificial smile didn’t help with that image either. I had to stop myself from making a shocked expression, but from the looks on their faces, I could only assume I failed at it or I was reading too much in their expressions.

 

[melchi]

It is hard to tell without knowing what kind of idea you expect the readers to come away with.
If it is supposed to be a mafia front then, yes, anything else then no.

 

[Gryphon]

It is hard to tell without knowing what kind of idea you expect the readers to come away with.

I'm talking about if the way I'm describing the scenery and characters is good enough to have a detailed movie play out in their mind of whats being described. That and plus if the way I'm structuring my sentences and word choice is any good. Most of this stuff I can usually pick out in editing, but in this instance I'm unsure of myself so I wanted an outside perspective.

I also fall under the philosophy that the author shouldn't narrowly force a single idea into a reader via their text. A piece of literature should be open for interpretation on the way a scene plays out. In a way, if you read this and tell me how this scene played out in your mind, and its different from my intent, that's even more valuable than if you could essentially see into my minds eye.

 

[Stealthy_Enigma]

I see nothing wrong with your description. The fact that I can hold an image of what you described means that you have done a well job.
(✿^ᆺ^)?
As far as any improvements, I would change this part a little bit.

The room had a similar color scheme as the main room. A chessboard-style floor with a red rug splitting it evenly in twine. Instead of leading to a flight of stairs, the rug stopped at a black and gray desk with two chairs facing toward the man sitting behind it.

One of the chairs was occupied by an elderly man wearing a sharp beige suit with a white undershirt. He looked the part of an aging businessman with a chipper but deceiving marketable grin and a practiced posture that took advantage of his height for such an old man. Strangely enough, despite having such a well-fashioned suit, the man wore no shoes, choosing to walk around with bare feet. I wasn’t sure if it was customary to remove footwear indoors, but there weren’t any shoes lying around as far as I could see.

Suggestion:
...the rug stopped at a black and grey office desk with two men sitting at it, one in front, and one behind.

The chair in front of the desk was occupied...

I was a little confused at this portion that there were two people at the desk until I read the next two paragraphs, and had to re-read it for it to make sense. For a second I thought you described the same man twice, due to how this was worded, thinking it was one person. Other than that, everything else checks out.
(✿≧ᆺ≦)?

 

[MisterEnigmatic]

Your description of the scenery is quite good. Although maybe you be more verbose and save yourself from writing so much, while still being as vivid as possible.

 

[Gryphon]

I see nothing wrong with your description. The fact that I can hold an image of what you described means that you have done a well job.
(✿^ᆺ^)?
As far as any improvements, I would change this part a little bit.

Suggestion:
...the rug stopped at a black and grey office desk with two men sitting at it, one in front, and one behind.

The chair in front of the desk was occupied...

I was a little confused at this portion that there were two people at the desk until I read the next two paragraphs, and had to re-read it for it to make sense. For a second I thought you described the same man twice, due to how this was worded, thinking it was one person. Other than that, everything else checks out.
(✿≧ᆺ≦)?

I see what you mean about the chair thing. I'll make improvements to that and be more precise. Thanks for the feedback.