I'm a new writer and i wanna feedback

[winterecho]

Hi everyone! I'm a new writer and I've just started serializing my story here on Scribble Hub.

If you love stories where a strong, mysterious female lead meets a gentle, supportive male lead, this might be for you!
Title: with you at the lake
Genre: Urban Fantasy, Romance , slow burn

What to expect:
Female Lead: A dedicated police officer awakening to mysterious, superhuman senses.
Male Lead: A kind-hearted pianist with a secret of his own.
Vibe: Atmospheric, emotional, and mysterious (Heavily inspired by K-Dramas like 'Moving' or 'Crash Course in Romance').

thanks for reading

With You at the Lake

A slow-burning love story between a mysterious police officer and a gifted music student. Seo-yeon, a police officer with a hidden past and enhanced senses she doesn't fully understand, never expected her life to change through a piano lesson. Chae-bin, a gentle pianist who hides his own...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Hans.Trondheim]

Hello! I took the time to check out on your work, and I'd like to suggest a few things to improve your story-telling in English.

1) Apply the correct English rules, especially capitalization. Your title already screams of breaking the capitalization rule, see? While this may seem 'trivial,' there are English readers who immediately drop a work once they see a few English writing rules broken. You can search for these English writing rules online, or ask here. I apologize for not detailing these for you; I'm currently a proctor in a national exam, and I only have a few minutes to spare.

2) Try to compress your ideas into paragraphs instead of writing them in single, separate sentences. Maybe you're trying to give a certain effect on your readers, but if my opinion counts, it isn't working. Reading your chapters this way is jarring. For this, you can refer to established writers on how they organize their ideas into paragraphs.

3) Make certain formatting distinction between your sound effects and actual narration. In English, there are sound words that made it to actual dictionary words, like 'thud' and 'thump.' For example, format your sound effects to italics, so readers can know when it is a sound integrated in the scene, or a part of the narration.

Good points for your work:

1) Your scenes are clearly defined. Like, yeah, the chapter 'subdivisions' (the lines you put at the end of the scenes) are helpful.
2) English is pretty understandable, and that's already a plus.

Disclaimer: English is not my second language, and while I'm a public school teacher irl, I teach another subject. (I did teach language and reading before, but that was years ago.)

 

[winterecho]

Oh yeah i will try thanks ?