If what you say is true and that you're a beginner, congratulations cause your 90% better than all the other beginners I've read. However, there are still quite a few amateurish mistakes here and there that really bogs down your writing.
First of all, you use way too much passive voice. If you don't know what passive voice is, it's basically when a sentence uses words like "was" "were" "been" and the bunch then follows it up with a past tense phrase.
Example from your story: He was holding another kingdom's king who was severely injured and turned dumb by seeing him he rose in anger.
Now this sentence has a few other problems besides the passive voice, but we'll get to that later. For first off, I want you to turn down the passive voice by a lot. What passive voice does is give almost no weight to what is being read. Here's an example of the same sentence but without passive voice.
Without Passive Voice: The king held the enemy's ruler by the collar of his royal garb. The ruler, upon looking at the battlefield soaked in his battalion's blood, struggled out of the king's grip and fought back.
See how the sentence with passive voice gives a lot more weight to the action going on and heightens the tension? This is what I would like to see more of in your story cause as it is, there is very little weight to anything going on. If you have trouble spotting passive voice, I recommend using prowritingaid. It's a free software that can spot passive voice and it'll tell you what is and isn't passive voice. I highly advise you to cut down your passive voice until your only using it five times a chapter, if not less.
There's also another problem with the first sentence, it being that it's hard to tell what is happening. This is a case of where you needed to split the sentence into two separate sentences which I already provided an example of. It doesn't happen much, but there were points where I was confused of what was going on because of it.
Overall, if you can fix the passive voice predicament, then you got yourself some decent writing. The story itself is rather interesting and if gone through again to fix the errors, I can see it shining in the future. Or you can make a new work, cause with you not posting within a month, that'll make it harder for you to gain in audience. Whatever decision you make is up to you, and I hope to read your work in the future.
would appreciate some tips or ideas as well which would help interest readers. I am a beginner in writing and wants to improve. I haven't posted any chapters this month but, will surely in the next one
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