I'd appreciate some critique on my first story.

[LessThanSavory]

I just started my first story this week and, as someone with zero fiction writing experience and a case of terminal JP-webnovel-brain, I could really use some extra eyes to let me know if I'm making some terrible or just plain stupid mistakes here, as well as how I can do better going forward.

I'm also happy to swap feedback if you'd like :)

Warning for 18+ and all the stuff listed in the tags

Inherent Skill of Corruption

I was a trashy NEET with no friends or ambitions, nevermind something like a girlfriend or a career. After years of lazing around and doing nothing, even I realized that it would take a miracle for me to turn my life around. Luckily, I got just that. A blue haired...

www.scribblehub.com

Much appreciated!

 

[Deleted member 70223]

I've read the first two chapters and can see you are a good writer.

I like the dialog between the NEET and Fig the fairy and the way you describe the story so far.

From a viewership perspective, how have you managed so many views in so short a time?

 

[BluePheasant]

I've read the first two chapters and can see you are a good writer.

I like the dialog between the NEET and Fig the fairy and the way you describe the story so far.

From a viewership perspective, how have you managed so many views in so short a time?

Adult and smut tag with good enough writing.. what else do you expect from SH?

 

[LessThanSavory]

I've read the first two chapters and can see you are a good writer.

I like the dialog between the NEET and Fig the fairy and the way you describe the story so far.

From a viewership perspective, how have you managed so many views in so short a time?

I appreciate the compliment!

As for getting views: I assume it's just being what people here are into. Incest, smut, and mind control tags have been a lot of where I get views from, apparently.

 

[HappyVainGlory]

5 minute review commentary/suggestions:

1. Reduce the space between paragraphs. It's a bit weird having to jump so far between each one.
   
   
2. A little detail can go a long way. There's no need to paint every single feature or object. Just pointing out the important parts is enough.
   
   
3. You are suffering from default isekai protag syndrome. The MC could be slotted in by any other stock isekai protag without any change. If this is intentional, good. If not, do a bit of rethinking.
   
   
4. It's reading as a pretty clear wish-fulfillment story. Not inherently a bad thing, but be cautious if this isn't intentional.
   
   
5. In terms of actual story, there is none. This is smut. Again, if intentional, good. If not, go back to the drawing board.

 

[LessThanSavory]

Reduce the space between paragraphs. It's a bit weird having to jump so far between each one.

Huh, hadn't realized they look like that. I'm not exactly sure how that happened, but thanks for pointing it out. I'll set the first two chapters to match the rest.